


hopelessly, helplessly

by shahha



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 17:51:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9503129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shahha/pseuds/shahha
Summary: After three years of marriage, Ashlyn Harris is going through a divorce. With over a year of marriage counseling behind her, the divorce is to be expected. What Ashlyn doesn't expect is to fall for beautiful real estate agent Ali Krieger. Ashlyn falls easily but will her fears about loving again ruin them before they even get started?





	1. everything gotta change around me

 

Looking at apartments is hard. Maybe if the circumstances were different--if she was looking because she got a new job, for example--it would be a lot easier. But with her three year marriage crumbled under her feet, there’s nothing Ashlyn Harris wants to do less than look for an apartment. She and Cassidy, her now estranged wife, got married at 23 after dating for seven years. They thought they were ready, thought that it was forever but sometimes things don’t work out the way people expect.

 

The hardest part, other than losing each other, of course, is that there wasn’t a major fight. There was no cheating, no blowout fight. Just two very different people who grew to want very different things. When they officially decided to separate a few weeks ago, there were no tears, just the quiet admittance that this isn’t working and it’s best to move on. It’s not that they didn’t try--no couple who spent a third of their marriage in counseling has given up easily--but they reached the point that they had to move on for themselves and for each other.

 

Since then, Ashlyn has been sleeping on her best friend’s couch and as much as she appreciates Whitney (and Ryan’s) generosity, she knows she needs a place of her own. She probably could find an apartment without a real estate agent but on a whim she decides to look one up, to get a professional’s perspective in finding a new place. There are thousands of real estate agents in New York City and after just a few minutes of browsing some of their profiles, Ashlyn comes across Alexandra Krieger. She seems to be near enough to Ashlyn’s own age that she’d know what a recently single 26 year old would want in an apartment so she suspends her search and dials the number on Alexandra’s site to schedule an appointment to look at places over the weekend.

 

When the time finally comes to look at apartments, the first place she’ll ever live in by herself, Ashlyn feels sick to her stomach. So sick, in fact, that she thinks about cancelling the appointment and taking Whitney up on the offer to stay as long as she wants. But she can’t do that--not to Whitney and Ryan who would certainly like to have their living room back and not to herself, knowing that she needs this to move on with her life. So she forces herself off of the couch and heads to the first address Alexandra texted her.

 

“Hi, Alexandra?” Ashlyn greets, recognizing the woman standing in front of the apartment building.

 

“Yes, you must be Ashlyn,” Ali replies, grinning as she reaches to shake Ashlyn’s hand. “You can call me Ali, by the way.”

 

“Ali, got it,” Ashlyn says, letting Ali lead the way into the brick building. If Ashlyn thought Ali was beautiful based on her real estate photo (which, as a person with eyes, it would’ve been near impossible to miss), there’s no comparison to the real thing. Ali’s long dark hair is pin straight and her makeup is light and minimal, just enough to show off her natural features.

 

 _Maybe apartment hunting won’t be so bad_ , Ashlyn thinks as she checks out Ali’s ass while she walks.

 

Ali leads the way through the lobby of the building, talking about the amenities as they make their way to the sixth floor unit that’s available. “And here it is,” she finally says, swinging the door to 6C open.

 

“Oh, this is pretty nice,” Ashlyn says, taking in the relatively spacious apartment.

 

“So what has you looking for a new apartment?” Ali questions politely as they walk through the apartment.

 

Ashlyn sighs, mentally deciding how much information to give Ali. “My wife and I are separating and I can’t really crash with friends forever, you know?”

 

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Ali replies, her brown eyes full of sincerity. “What happened?” She’s not sure why she’s so curious about Ashlyn’s life--she certainly wouldn’t ask most of her clients such a personal question--but if Ashlyn is offended by the questions, she sure does a good job of hiding it.

 

“Gosh, I don’t even know where to begin,” Ashlyn says. “Mostly we got married too young so we just grew apart and want very different things. We’ve been together since we were sixteen and we were always pretty different from one another but, I don’t know, I guess it got more pronounced the older we got. And there are a lot of things we weren’t willing to compromise too much on. Like, I want kids someday and don’t want to live in the city forever but she doesn’t want kids and wants to stay in the city.”

 

“Did you know you didn’t agree on those things when you got married?” Ali asks.

 

“Not really; we were still young when we first got married so we were more concerned about starting our careers and getting our footing in the real world. Once we did start talking about those things, it became pretty clear that they were deal breakers for both of us.”

 

“Well,” Ali begins, her tone slightly more formal, “you seem to be handling it well from what I can tell.”

 

“I’m certainly trying,” Ashlyn replies, grinning.

 

Ali expertly segues them back to the task at hand, showing Ashlyn through the one bedroom apartment. It’s certainly enough to suit Ashlyn’s needs but it’s the first place they’ve looked at and she wants to see her other options first. They look at five more apartments that day and by the last one, Ashlyn is so reluctant for their time together to end that she starts nitpicking certain things, hoping that they’ll have to meet another day to find something.

 

“Oh, no, this won’t do,” Ashlyn says as they stand in the bathroom of the sixth and final apartment of the day. “This bathroom is far too small for my traditional post shower dance and lip syncing. Besides, the next building is so close and I really don’t think the neighbors would appreciate seeing my naked ass dancing like a fool.”

 

“Okay, Beyoncé,” Ali says, giggling at Ashlyn’s antics and she tries to demonstrate how small the bathroom is. “I’ll add spacious bathroom to my notes but I can’t promise it’ll be as big as Madison Square Garden.”

 

“Maybe, like, Radio City size will suffice,” Ashlyn replies, eliciting yet another laugh from Ali, Ashlyn finding herself wanting to hear Ali’s laugh over and over again.

 

There are still quite a few more places on Ali’s list but they decide to wait and meet up again the following day, agreeing that they’ve seen enough places for one day. When Ashlyn returns to Whitney’s for the night, she feels lighter than she has in over a year and is surprisingly excited about this fresh start.

 

“How’d it go?” Whitney asks. She loads up three plates of chicken parmesan, setting Ryan’s aside for when he gets home from work.

 

“Better than I thought. I need this to be able to move on, you know? Plus, it doesn’t hurt that my real estate agent is super cute and funny.”

 

“Oooooh,” Whitney coos excitedly, waiting for Ashlyn to tell her more.

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “Oooh nothing,” she replies. “There’s no way I’m even thinking about any of that. I haven’t even met with a lawyer yet, I’m definitely not ready to think about anyone else.”

 

“When are you going to do that?” Whitney questions.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Meet with a lawyer.”

 

“I don’t know, Whit,” Ashlyn sighs. She’s been dodging Whitney’s questions for weeks now, too worried about making it through the day to talk about things. As painful as it is, she knows she needs to talk to someone about it and there’s no better person to confide in than Whitney. “It’s hard to even think about. Like, it’s been a long time coming but it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that I’ll be a 26 year old divorcee.”

 

“Plenty of time to find someone else,” Whitney reasons brightly. “A lot of people our age are still fumbling around trying to find someone so, really, you’ll be right on par with everyone else.”

 

Ashlyn smiles, twirling some pasta around her fork. “You really are the best friend anyone could have. You know that, right?”

 

“I know, I know.”

 

~

 

Ashlyn is decidedly less nervous when she meets with Ali the next day. Partially because she knows what to expect and partially because she’s actually excited about getting a place of her own. She’s never lived alone; she always had roommates in college and then joined Cassidy (who went to NYU) in New York as soon as she graduated. Now she’ll truly be on her own for the first time in her life and although the circumstances are less than ideal, the possibilities are endless.

 

“How was your night?” Ali questions when they meet at the first apartment of the day.

 

“Really good,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. “My friend Whit, the one I’m staying with, made chicken parm which is one of my favorites. How was yours?”

 

“I went home, put on a pair of sweats, and had a glass of wine so it was a perfect quiet night in,” Ali says, leading the way upstairs. _And I couldn’t stop thinking about you,_ she thinks.

 

This particular unit is a fifth floor walkup so Ashlyn already has reservations about it but decides to give it a chance nevertheless. The apartment itself is nice enough, complete with a recently renovated kitchen and living room, but Ashlyn can’t get over it being a walkup on one of the top floors so they continue their search.

 

They get to know each other a little better as they move from place to place, filling the potentially awkward silence with a quick, easy banter. Ali learns that Ashlyn is a loan servicer but that she kind of hates her job and doesn't see herself doing it forever. She learns that Cassidy is a writer for the _New York Times_ and has aspirations to become an editor for the prestigious newspaper. Ashlyn talks about her ex easily and while things haven’t worked out, it’s clear that Ashlyn has a lot of respect for her. She still loves her but she's not in love with her anymore--at least, not like she used to be.

 

“Damn, nothing again today,” Ashlyn half grumbles when they've eliminated the day’s last option. She'd once again used the tactic of finding anything to eliminate each option just to prolong the experience. She's not quite sure why she does it--whether it be the companionship or because Ali is exceptionally beautiful--but she doesn't question her instincts too much, willing to do anything that makes this whole thing a little bit easier.

 

Ali hums, shrugging her shoulders as if to say she's not worried. “We’ll find something.”

 

They meet again the next day with a significant drop in quality of the places they look at and Ashlyn begins to worry that she missed out on all the best options by finding stupid (and some very valid) reasons to not like them. When Ali shows her a place that has everything she doesn't want, Ashlyn finally feels the need to say something. “Please don't take this the wrong way,” she prefaces as they face each other in the too small kitchen.

 

“Promise,” Ali says.

 

“You realize this place combines all the things I don't want, right?”

 

“I, uh,” Ali stumbles, unsure of what to say. “Well, I, um--”

 

“Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that,” Ashlyn says quickly, worried that she hurt Ali’s feelings.

 

“No, it's not that it's just that I knew I shouldn't have taken you here because you wouldn't want it but I was kind of having fun with you and didn't want it to end,” Ali explains quickly, watching Ashlyn's eyes go wide. “I know, it's totally inappropriate and I should not have done that,” she adds, hanging her head.

 

“Hey,” Ashlyn says gently, resisting the urge to grab Ali’s face so she can meet her eyes. “I've been pretending to hate most of these places because I liked hanging out with you too.”

 

“I knew it,” Ali exclaims, looking up suddenly. “I knew a white microwave with a stainless steel stove wasn't a deal breaker in an otherwise amazing apartment.”

 

“That particular critique was legitimate. And anyway, I knew you weren't that bad at your job,” Ashlyn ribs, her dimple showing as she smiles. “You want to grab a beer or something when we’re done?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Ali answers, grinning. “I think you’ll want to celebrate a little after this next place I show you--I’ve been saving the best for last.”

 

As soon as Ashlyn sees the lobby of the next apartment building, she already knows it’s somewhere she wants to live. For starters, the entire building has central air, one of the few places they've seen with that perk. The design aesthetic is simple and modern but cozy enough that it can feel like a home and it’s exactly what Ashlyn is looking for. “I take back what I said about you being bad at your job,” Ashlyn says as Ali swings the door to 8H open. Like the lobby, the interior of the apartment is minimalist but with a sense of warmth--the perfect combination between stylish and comfortable. It’s furnished which is a massive bonus since she left all of the furniture with Cassidy.

 

“Perfect place to start from scratch from, huh?” Ali prods as she follows Ashlyn around the apartment.

 

The entire apartment is beautiful but Ashlyn’s favorite parts are the bedroom and bathroom, both of which are decorated in black, grey, and white will light yellow accents. “Madison Square Garden sized bathroom,” she says.

 

“Now if you can’t dance in there then there’s something wrong,” Ali replies. “It’s even big enough for a two person dance party if you ever have a guest or something.”

 

“Oh, god, I’m going to have to start dating again, aren’t I?” Ashlyn groans. She doesn’t have much dating experience (other than Cassidy, of course) so the prospect is daunting. She’s always been a rather flirty person but the thought of actually needing to put those skills to use puts a knot in her stomach and a lump in her throat.

 

“Not if you don’t want to,” Ali reasons. “You can get a dog or a cat or something, focus on yourself.”

 

Ashlyn smiles, appreciating Ali’s effort to make her feel better. Although they’ve spent time together the last three days, she’s still a stranger and is under no obligation to provide any sort of emotional support. “I do want to, though. I like--liked--having someone to share my life with. But I’m not really sure how dating works outside of high school,” she admits, eliciting a giggle from Ali.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you the ropes as soon as we’re done here,” Ali replies, winking. “But first you have to tell me if you like this place or not, I couldn’t tell by your reaction.”

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes dramatically as Ali smirks. “Just tell me how I can get this place so we can get drunk, ‘kay?”

 

“That’s all you had to do,” Ali says, grinning. “I’ll have the paperwork drawn up and we can set a date for you to sign your lease.”

 

“Perfect, let’s go.”

 

Ali lives just a few blocks away so she leads Ashlyn to one of her favorite bars in the area, chatting about the specifics of the apartment as they walk. The rent, although a little higher than Ashlyn wanted to spend, is doable on her salary and she knows she’s be a fool to let such an amazing place go. The paperwork shouldn’t take too long to draw up so they agree to meet back at the apartment a week from Friday for Ashlyn to sign the lease.

 

“So what about you?” Ashlyn asks, sliding into the booth across from Ali. “You seeing anyone?”

 

“Not seriously, no,” Ali replies, shrugging. “I’ve dated people here and there but I haven’t had anything serious in a few years.”

 

“People?” Ashlyn prods curiously.

 

“People,” Ali confirms, telling Ashlyn everything and nothing at the same time. She leaves her sitting there to ponder what she meant while she goes up to the bar to get their beers, smirking at the look on Ashlyn’s face when she leaves the table. She returns just a few minutes later after expertly getting the bartender's attention on the first try. “So you’re a loan servicer?” she asks, settling back into their booth.

 

Ashlyn nods.

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but you don’t seem too fond of it,” Ali notes.

 

“Yeah, not really,” Ashlyn admits. “It was pretty much the first job offer I got here. I’ve thought about changing careers a bunch of times but now with everything going on with Cassidy it’s nice to have that stability. Everything else is changing so the job will have to wait. Sometimes I think I should be more grateful for it because I’m good at it and it pays the bills but it’s definitely not what I see myself doing forever.”

 

“What would be your dream job?” Ali asks. “Like, without worrying about money or anything, what would you like to do the most?”

 

“Please don’t laugh.”

 

“Why would I laugh?”

 

Ashlyn grins, trusting Ali’s warm smile as she waits for an answer. “Well, I love to bake and I always wanted to have a cafe and bake shop. You know, the kind of place people could come in and relax and take their minds off of things.” She’s only ever told Cassidy about this pipe dream but Cassidy, ever the practical one, thought it was a terrible idea and Ashlyn never brought it up again. After all, why would Ashlyn give up such a well paying, stable job for the unpredictability of starting a new business?

 

“That would be so cool,” Ali exclaims. “Cupcakes are my fave I’d totally stop by every day.”

 

“Well now I have to do it,” Ashlyn cheeses, winking. “How was that? Practicing my flirting skills for when I’m ready to start dating again.”

 

Ali shrugs nonchalantly, trying not to blush. “Six out of ten. You’ll get there.”

 

The conversation flows naturally as they sip their beers and get to know one another. One of the things Ashlyn appreciates about Ali the most is that, unlike her other friends, Ali doesn’t seem overly concerned with her impending divorce. Her other friends mean well, she knows, but sometimes it’s nice to feel normal again and talk about things other than lawyers and splitting assets. Most of her friends make it a point to ask her how she’s doing every day and while Ashlyn appreciates that they care that much about her, it feels really, really good to talk to someone who makes her feel normal, who makes her forget her worries.

 

“Okay, okay, what the worst you ever got grounded?” Ashlyn asks after she finishes telling a story about how she was grounded for three months one time.

 

“Like, a week,” Ali replies. “I hid my report card in sixth grade because I got a B minus. Turns out, my parents didn’t care about the grade as much as they cared about me hiding it from them.”

 

“You’re joking--there’s no way that’s the worst trouble you’ve ever been in,” Ashlyn exclaims, eliciting a laugh from Ali.

 

“Why is it so hard to believe that I never got in trouble as a kid?”

 

“Because you just spent ten minutes telling me all about your escapades as an adult,” Ashlyn deadpans.

 

“Right, okay, that makes sense,” Ali says, shrugging. “I was a bit of a late bloomer in terms of trouble making, I guess.”

 

They both have to work the next morning but somehow can’t bring themselves to let the night end. Finally, just after one in the morning, Ashlyn can’t quite hold back her yawns anymore and Ali suggests that they part ways for the night, mentioning that she has an early showing in the morning.

 

“Thanks for tonight,” Ashlyn says as they wait for their respective Ubers. “That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

 

Ali smiles, looking up from her phone that shows her car will be arriving soon. “We should definitely do this again. Maybe we should celebrate after you sign your lease?”

 

“I would love that,” Ashlyn replies grinning.

 

~

 

After spending three consecutive evenings with Ali, the next ten days feel strangely empty to Ashlyn. At first, she assumes she’s just feeling down about the divorce--her feelings about which ebb and flow by the minute--but when Ali texts her to say that she started watching the show Ashlyn recommended, she perks up considerably and that mood carries her through the next few days. They text back and forth a little, using the Netflix series as a starting point before they get sidetracked and start talking about other things. When it comes time for to finally sign her lease, she hums happily on her ten block walk from Whitney’s place.

 

“Someone’s happy today,” Ali notes as they embrace outside the apartment building.

 

“Hey, after three weeks of crashing on a friend’s couch, who wouldn’t be excited to sign for a place of their own?” Ashlyn replies, failing to mention that part of her sunny disposition is because she’s excited to spend the evening with Ali.

 

“Well, let’s get to it then,” Ali says, stepping aside so Ashlyn can lead the way up.

 

When Ashlyn finally swings the door open to the apartment, she looks around and takes everything in. Everything is just as she remembers but there’s a vase of cheery yellow flowers and a wooden wine bottle and glass holder (complete with two glasses and a bottle of white wine) sitting on the kitchen counter. “What’s this?” Ashlyn asks curiously as she makes her way over.

 

“Just a little something to welcome you home,” Ali explains easily, setting her folder of yet to be completed paperwork on the white granite countertop.

 

“Do you do this for all your clients?” Ashlyn questions, not knowing how touched she should be by this gesture.

 

“Only the cute ones,” Ali replies with a wink that leaves Ashlyn wondering if she’s serious or not. “But there’s still business to attend to before you so graciously share that wine with me,” she adds, opening up her folder.

 

They’re all business as they go over the final lease but as soon as Ashlyn has signed her last form, Ali pours them each a glass of wine and all formalities are gone.

 

“Would it be cliché to toast to new beginnings?” Ashlyn asks.

 

“A little but don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

 

“To new beginnings, then,” Ashlyn says, clinking her glass against Ali’s.

 

“So what do you think of your new home so far?”

 

“Well,” Ashlyn begins, looking around, “my first impression is that I’m having a glass of wine with a beautiful woman so that’s pretty great”. She smirks, watching as Ali rolls her eyes. “I think the place could use a few personal touches, though. You don’t happen to double as an interior decorator, do you?”

 

“As a matter of fact--”

 

“No way,” Ashlyn exclaims.

 

“Kidding,” Ali replies, grinning. “I am not an interior designer but I do love shopping and I especially love shopping when it’s not my money. So, you know, I’d be glad to help if you want. I have to make sure my clients are happy, you know?”

 

“I may have to take you up on that offer. Cassidy did all the decorating at our--her--place so I’d have no idea what to do. But tonight is for celebrating so let’s finish this bottle and go to that bar down the street, ‘kay?”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Ali replies, grinning.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to write a fic based on this song for a long time so this has been stewing for a while. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter :) 
> 
> Let me hear (read) those thoughts! I'm pretty excited about this one


	2. are you strong enough to toe the line

 

“Ali, no.”

 

“Ashlyn, yes.”

 

“It’s $1,500,” Ashlyn protests.

 

“So? It’s a focal piece and perfect for your apartment.”

 

As promised, Ali is helping Ashlyn decorate her apartment. Ashlyn thought they would be sticking to standard places like Target and Pottery Barn but Ali decided that their first stop should be at an art gallery where her best friend, Liz, and other artists are showing their work. Ashlyn is all for supporting local artists but she hadn’t expected to drop nearly a month’s rent on a single painting. The piece in question is from an artist right next to Liz and while it’s beautiful, this is still their first stop of the day and Ashlyn doesn’t want to overdo it too soon.

 

“Honestly,” Ali continues, “that’s a steal for a painting that size. Plus, if I were coming over to go on a date with you and I saw that painting, I’d drop my panties so fast.”

 

“Promise?” Ashlyn asks.

 

“Shut up,” Ali says, rolling her eyes. “What I mean is that it’s an impressive and versatile piece and everything else we buy can be centered around it. Anyone would be impressed to see a painting like that in your apartment.”

 

“Okay, but back to the part where it gets me laid because you might be onto something there.”

 

“God,” Ali groans. “Drop that, will you? You know I was exaggerating. I don’t think any sane person would actually react that way to a painting. You still have to woo a girl.”

 

“Well from what you told me, it doesn’t take much more than that to get you into bed,” Ashlyn jokes, getting a playful punch to the arm in response. “Geez, she’s a violent one. Get Liz back over here, at least she was nice to me.”

 

Ali looks over to where Liz is standing near her own work. There’s a lull right now so she’s not currently talking to anyone and Ali knows she’ll agree that Ashlyn needs some decent art in her place, not just mass produced items from Target. “Liz, come back me up on this,” she calls.

 

“What’s up?” Liz questions, coming up next to Ali.

 

“Tell Ashlyn that $1,500 is not a lot for a painting of this size and that it would be a great addition to her apartment.”

 

“I agree with Ali,” Liz says, shrugging. “It’s super hot when people have nice art. I’m biased because I am an artist but seriously, it’s so fucking sexy.”

 

“Two of a kind,” Ashlyn groans, rolling her eyes. “Okay, fine, I’ll get this under the condition that we’re mindful of expenses the rest of the day, got it? I don’t have someone to split expenses with anymore so I don’t want to go overboard.”

 

“I can work with that,” Ali replies, grinning.

 

“Okay, now I get why you can’t stop talking about her,” Liz comments as Ashlyn makes her way to the artist to purchase the painting.

 

“I don’t talk about her that much.”

 

“It’s non-stop,” Liz counters. “But she’s cool. A little unimpressed with how funny we are together but cool nonetheless. And gorgeous, obviously.”

 

“Believe me, I’m well aware. But she’s going through a divorce, you know? She’s still getting used to being single and I’m not interested in being a rebound. I do like her. I like her probably more than I should considering we haven’t known each other that long.” She shrugs, watching as Ashlyn returns to where they’re standing.

 

“We can pick it up when they close tonight,” Ashlyn says. “You ready to do some more shopping?”

 

“Always,” Ali replies, grinning.

 

They say their goodbyes to Liz with promises that they’ll see her later that evening when they return to pick up Ashlyn’s purchase. They spend nearly the entire day shopping with the painting in mind as the focal point of Ashlyn’s living room and kitchen area, even deciding to carry the same aesthetic into the bedroom and bathroom. By the time they’re done with the last stop of the day, they’re completely exhausted and can’t possibly carry anymore bags so they return to Ashlyn’s place to decorate while they wait to pick up the painting from the gallery.

 

“It feels so much more like a home now,” Ashlyn comments when they’ve got things situated. It’s still minimal and modern but there are definitely more personal touches, which the place definitely lacked before. Plus, most of the belongings she brought from her apartment with Cassidy hold so many memories that she’d left them in boxes in the closet. This is truly the fresh start she needs. “Thank you for all your help today. The last few weeks, really. I definitely got my money’s worth out of your real estate fee.”

 

“Oh you mean most real estate agents don’t double as a friend and interior decorator? And here I thought it was all part of the job,” Ali quips. She settles herself onto the couch, almost as comfortable as Ashlyn is in this apartment.

 

“Definitely not part of the job but definitely appreciated,” Ashlyn says, sitting next to Ali. “Now I’ll have to find another excuse for us to hang out. First it was me pretending to hate the places you were showing me and you pretending to be terrible at your job, then it was signing the lease, and now decorating.”

 

“We don’t need a reason to hang out, you know,” Ali replies. She tucks her feet under her and pulls the brand new throw blanket over her lap in an attempt to get as comfortable as possible after a long day of shopping. “We can spend time together because we want to. We’re single women living in New York, we don’t need a reason to cause trouble together.”

 

“I like the way you think.” She pauses, glancing around the room. She's only been in the apartment for a few days so she's still getting accustomed to her new surroundings and the new reality of living alone. “It's all so real now,” she says quietly, playing with the fringe of Ali’s throw blanket. “I'm really getting divorced.”

 

“Do you miss her?” Ali questions.

 

“I'm not sure,” Ashlyn answers. “Things haven't been working for a long time so I don't miss that at all. It's more like I miss who we used to be and the idea of what we could have been, if that makes sense. I miss being so blindly in love that our differences didn't matter and I miss wholeheartedly believing that we would always find a way. You don't make it through four years of long distance in college without believing in your relationship, you know?”

 

Ali sighs, considering Ashlyn’s words. She knows she's not fully healed yet and, really, no one should be fully healed just weeks after making the final decision to split, but Ali knows it's something Ashlyn needs to talk about as she works through things. So as painful as it is for Ashlyn to talk about and for Ali to hear, it's a conversation they both need. So while Ali has developed feelings for Ashlyn at a somewhat alarming rate, she knows she has to bide her time a little while longer.

 

“But those differences are the reason you split,” Ali reasons. “Being blindly in love was never going to change that you were different people who wanted different things.”

 

“I know, we spent a year and therapy learning about that,” Ashlyn says. “But that doesn't change the fact that we were genuinely happy. We were happy for a long time and now--”

 

“Now you're here.”

 

“Now I'm here,” Ashlyn agrees. “And if I wasn't a soon to be divorcee, this would be a great place to be. This apartment is wonderful and you are, well, you're pretty wonderful yourself but this is never where I wanted to be in life.” She sighs, taking a deep breath as she struggles to keep her emotions in check. “I just--Cassidy was my person. For ten years I thought that I would have everything with her. And maybe it would be easier to not miss her so much if we did fight a lot or if she cheated or something but that wasn't the case so it's hard to move on.”

 

Ali scoots closer to Ashlyn on the couch, taking one of her hands. “You are so much stronger than I’d ever be. It's hard and I know you're trying to push yourself to move on but just know that you don't have to put a timeline on it. It's a process and you're doing well so far but there's no shame in feeling a little nostalgic with all these changes as long as you're looking forward as well. As hard as it is, your relationship ended for a reason. You told me before that she doesn't want kids and you do, right? So when it gets tough to remember why you're going through this, just picture yourself with the family of your dreams one day. Because you will find someone eventually and, sure, you'll have to compromise a little because that's what relationships are but you won't have to compromise on the big things. One day you’ll wake up on a Sunday morning in bed with your wife and kid and all this pain will be a distant memory. And of course I’ll swing by your bake shop every day and keep you in business.”

 

Everything is quiet for a moment as Ashlyn finally breaks down in tears. Ali pulls her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back until she calms down.

 

“Damn,” Ashlyn finally says. “I didn't realize you're a therapist too. Shit, you're a realtor, interior decorator, and therapist. What an overachiever.”

 

“Oh, yeah, didn't you look at my business card? And don't forget wingwoman, because I'm damn good at that too. Just ask Liz.”

 

“You are something else,” Ashlyn says. “What's next? I'll find out you're also a model?”

 

“Please,” Ali scoffs. “I would put every other model out of business.”

 

“Always so humble,” Ashlyn laughs. “So what about you? We’ve talked about my dreams for the future but we’ve never really spoken about yours.”

 

“Well,” Ali begins, “I definitely want kids. At least two because I'm so close to my brother but maybe more than that. And I’ve never told anyone this but sometimes I think I might want to adopt a baby with Down syndrome someday.”

 

“Really? Why? And I don’t mean that in a bad way--I just mean it’s not something you usually hear.”

 

“One of my best friends is an occupational therapist so she works with them a lot. She always tells me stories so I think I have a good appreciation of the good things as well as knowing about the struggles and I think it’s something I could handle. Obviously it’ll depend on what my future spouse wants but I think I could give a child like that the love and support they need.”

 

“I can see it,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Of course. We haven’t known each other that long but I already know you’re loving and patient and nurturing so I have no reason to believe you wouldn’t be able to handle it. And I could picture you being a wonderful advocate for your child and other children like that. Just add it to the list, right? Realtor, interior decorator, therapist, wingwoman, and advocate.”

 

Ali smiles and meets Ashlyn’s eyes, finding nothing but sincerity and admiration housed in them. They’ve only been friends for a few weeks and already Ali has revealed something she’s never told anyone--not even Kyle or Liz. It’s a slippery slope, she knows, harboring a crush on the woman across from her. While Ashlyn is technically available, she’s clearly not emotionally ready to start a new relationship and Ali’s certainly not going to push her and risk ruining what they already have going.

 

“Thank you for saying that, it means a lot to hear that you think I could do it.”

 

“You’re an easy person to believe in,” Ashlyn says, shrugging. “Now let’s go pick up that painting before we pass out on this couch.”

 

“I think you read my mind,” Ali says. She stands up, helping Ashlyn off of the couch before refolding the throw blanket and draping it over the back of the couch.

 

There are still a few stragglers at the gallery so they hang back for a bit, waiting for Liz to finish up.

 

“How’d you do?” Ali asks, noticing a few sold signs next to Liz’s work.

 

“I sold four pieces so it was a pretty successful day. How’d shopping go?”

 

“I feel like I’ve been through war,” Ashlyn deadpans.

 

“Stop, you loved it,” Ali says, rolling her eyes. “The place looks amazing. So amazing, in fact, that I think we should have a housewarming party so you can show it off a little.”

 

“You just want to tell all my friends about what a good job you did decorating.”

 

“Yeah, because I did a good job decorating.”

 

“It’s actually not a bad idea,” Ashlyn admits. A lot of her friends have been wanting to see the new place and although she knows they mean well, the constant questioning about how she’s doing are a little grating. A housewarming party could show them all that she’s adjusting to life on her own and give her the chance to show off her apartment. “How about two weeks from now?”

 

“I’m in,” Liz says.

 

“Oh, she just invites herself,” Ashlyn jokes.

 

“Hey, you’re part of our crew now so I’m part of yours. I don’t make the rules.”

 

“I’m just kidding, you’re more than welcome. I’ll talk to Whit about it when we meet for coffee tomorrow morning and let you guys know.”

 

~

 

Ashlyn and Whitney meet for coffee the next morning at a place Ali introduced Ashlyn to just a few blocks from her new apartment. It’s pretty centrally located for them so it’s not uncommon for Ashlyn to bump into Ali as they both pick up coffee before heading to work. Today, though, there’s no sign of the brunette as Ashlyn and Whitney find a table.

 

“This place is super cute,” Whitney comments, taking the seat across from Ashlyn.

 

“Ali lives in the neighborhood so she told me about it. It’s her favorite place and it’s definitely the best coffee I’ve had around here.”

 

“You've been hanging out with Ali a lot recently,” Whitney notes.

 

“We’re friends,” Ashlyn replies, sipping her coffee.

 

“It sure seems like you like her.”

 

“Whit,” Ashlyn says evenly, putting her mug down. “Relax, okay? I’ve just gotten out of a relationship that's been nearly half my life. Hell, I'm not even divorced yet. Of course I'm attracted to her but I'm not ready yet. Baby steps.”

 

“I just want you to be happy.”

 

“I know, and I appreciate you so much--more than I could tell you. I’m getting there, I promise. Everything is still so new but I’m working through it. I’ll be back to myself in no time.” She takes another sip of coffee. “Actually, I wanted to run something by you.”

 

“Anything,” Whitney says.

 

“Well yesterday when Ali and I went to pick up the painting I texted you about, she mentioned that I should have a housewarming party. A lot of people have been wanting to see the new place which I’m pretty sure is more of an effort to check on how I’m doing so this would be a good way to show everyone at once that I’m doing okay and show off the new digs.”

 

“I love that idea,” Whitney agrees, grinning. “And I look forward to meeting your future girlfriend.”

 

Ashlyn gives Whitney a warning look.

 

“I’m not pushing you,” Whitney says, holding her hands up in defense. “But is it crazy to believe that you’ll date her at some point?”

 

“Of course it’s not crazy I just can’t think about it yet, meanwhile you’re already planning our wedding.”

 

“Hey, at least I already have practice helping you with the first one,” Whitney quips, raising her eyebrows teasingly. “I was such a good maid of honor the first time that you just have to do it all again.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“You love me because I don’t ask how you’re doing in that stupid gentle voice that makes it sound like you’ll crumble at any second.”

 

“I do love you for that,” Ashlyn says. “But I hate you for everything else.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

~

 

Naturally, Ali offers to help get everything ready for the housewarming party but since Ashlyn relied on her to not only help her find the apartment but also to decorate to her tastes, she feels like she should at least prepare for the party on her own.

 

Whitney won’t take no for an answer, however, so the pair prepares appetizers and other lite fare for Ashlyn’s friends (and Liz). It wouldn’t be a party hosted by Ashlyn if there weren’t a plethora of baked goods so she spends the night before the party whipping up two of her most trusted cupcake flavors: strawberry banana and cookies and cream as well as a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

 

Miraculously, none of Ashlyn’s friends had other commitments for the night, even though it was only planned two weekends in advance and Ashlyn wonders if any of them cancelled on other plans to see how she’s doing. Nevertheless, she’s happy to have so many of her city based friends over to celebrate her fresh start.

 

Nearly everyone arrives before Ali and Liz and when Ali walks right in the door without knocking, Ashlyn can see why. Ali is wearing a form fitting low-cut black dress that falls to her mid thighs. As if that’s not enough to make Ashlyn’s mouth water, the garment is almost completely backless save for thin criss cross straps near the shoulders and similarly thin straps running parallel to her waist on her lower back. It perfectly shows off Ali’s toned muscles, which Ashlyn knows are earned during daily gym sessions. Her makeup is light and her hair falls down over her shoulders in loose waves, completing the look.

 

“How do you like your present?” Liz asks, entering the apartment after Ali. “You better like it, it took her three hours to find one she liked.”

 

“Time well spent,” Ashlyn says, trying not to ogle at Ali.

 

“You weren’t supposed to tell her that, Liz,” Ali says, exasperated at her best friend.

 

“Just making sure she fully appreciates the gesture.”

 

“ _Anyway_ , here’s your actual present,” Ali says, handing Ashlyn a bottle of wine--the same kind they’d shared the day Ashlyn closed on the apartment.

 

If there was any doubt in Ashlyn’s mind about Ali and Liz fitting in with her friends, those worries are disproven as soon as they start mingling. They both take to Alex, Sydney, and Kelley immediately, leaving Ashlyn to worry about what kind of trouble the five will get in together.

 

As soon as Ali leans close to Alex and gestures to Ashlyn with a big smile on her face, Ashlyn knows she’s in trouble and walks into the kitchen to refresh her drink.

 

“She wants you bad,” Whitney says, coming up next to Ashlyn.

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “Gee, ya think?” She sips her whiskey quietly for a moment as Whitney pours herself another glass of wine. “She knows I’m not ready, though, she’s just testing the boundaries.”

 

“You think so? I obviously only know what you’ve told me about her.”

 

“I know so,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Well, she’s self assured and knows what she wants, that’s for sure.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Ashlyn grumbles. “Come on, I want to introduce you.”

 

Whitney follows Ashlyn back out to the living room where Ali is now laughing about something with Syd and her husband, Dom.

 

“Hey, Ash,” Ali greets brightly. “Your friends are pretty great.”

 

“I’m fond of them,” Ashlyn replies, shrugging. “I actually wanted to introduce you to Whitney,” she says, gesturing to the blonde next to her.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize who you were or I would’ve introduced myself earlier,” Ali says, leaning in for a hug. “Ashlyn had told me so many wonderful things about you.”

 

“Likewise,” Whitney says, smiling. “I love your dress.”

 

“Oh, thanks,” Ali says, looking down at the garment. “Can you believe I didn’t even need double sided tape?” Now she’s really messing with Ashlyn so she glances over, smirking at the look on Ashlyn’s face.

 

“Well it sure fits you well. Were you able to get panties on under there?” Whitney asks, catching onto what Ali is doing.

 

Ali shrugs. “If you can call the tiniest thong in the history of the universe panties.”

 

“Okay, that’s enough out of both of you,” Ashlyn grumbles. “Can you two behave yourselves? I’m going to talk to Syd.”

 

“I like you,” Whitney says as soon as Ashlyn walks away. “You like to give her as much shit as I do.”

 

“Someone’s gotta keep her in line,” Ali says. “Now tell me if I’m way off base here because as cute as she is, I’m not gonna wait around forever if she’s not interested.”

 

“Oh, she’s definitely interested. She just needs time.”

 

“Do you know Cassidy?”

 

“Through Ashlyn, yes. Ash and I were roommates in college so I’m in an easier position here than people like Kelley and Alex and Serv who are friends with both of them. Cass is a great person but not necessarily right for Ash. It won’t surprise me if it takes her a while to be ready to jump into another relationship but trust me, you’re definitely not off base. She can hardly stop talking about you.”

 

“Liz complains that I can’t stop talking about her either,” Ali admits, gesturing to her friend. “I’ll give her all the time she needs but I hope you don’t mind me torturing her a little in the meantime.”

 

“I encourage it, actually,” Whitney says, smiling. “It might give her the push she needs.”

 

Ashlyn hardly takes her eyes off of Ali the entire night. It’s not just the dress, though that’s a large part of it, it’s also the way that Ali fits in with her friends as if they’ve known each other for years rather than mere hours, Ali’s laughter filling the apartment. Ashlyn’s not sure of a lot right now but she’s certain that Ali is someone she was meant to know.

 

“You gonna walk home or get an Uber?” Ashlyn asks once everyone else has left for the night.

 

“I’ll probably walk,” Ali says but doesn’t make a move to leave. Instead, she walks over to the sink, which is now full of used glasses. She starts washing them by hand, foregoing the dishwasher.

 

“I can clean up, don’t worry about it,” Ashlyn says. “Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?”

 

“Only fifty times.”

 

“Hm, somehow I think a dress like that requires me to say it more.”

 

Ali stops what she’s doing, turning to face Ashlyn. “I’ll never complain about that,” she says, smirking. “You look pretty good yourself--I love that button down on you.”

 

“Well, damn, now I have to wear it every time I see you,” Ashlyn jokes.

 

“As long as you wash it I don’t care what you do,” Ali says. She returns her attention to the dishes, busying her hands as Ashlyn jumps up to sit on the counter. It’s so simple and domestic that for just a moment, Ali thinks that this is their norm. For a fleeting moment, Ali forgets about all of their boundaries and allows herself to imagine that there’s nothing holding them back and Ashlyn is hers. But then she comes back to reality, remembering why they’re in this state of limbo.

 

“You okay?” Ashlyn asks.

 

“Yeah, just a little buzzed,” Ali replies. She finishes washing the last of the dishes, putting them on the drying mat next to the sink. “I guess I should go home now,” she says.

 

“I’ll get your purse,” Ashlyn says, jumping down off of the counter. “You sure you don’t want an Uber?”

 

“It’s just five blocks, I’m okay,” Ali says, taking her purse from Ashlyn and making sure she has her phone and keys to her apartment. “Thanks again for a great night,” she says. She leans forward but instead of going for their usual hug, she presses a gentle kiss to Ashlyn’s cheek. It’s tantalizing in all the right ways and makes Ali feel a little giddy.

 

“Alright, alright,” Ashlyn says, trying to stop herself from blushing too much. “Get out of here before I burst into flames.”

 

“Another time, then,” Ali says. “Have a good night.”

 

“Text me when you get home safe, okay?”

 

“Of course.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the wonderful feedback on the first chapter! I'm pretty excited about this fic so I'm glad you're all enjoying so far. Comments mean a lot to me so keep them coming :)
> 
> [this](https://www.lulus.com/products/be-all-trend-all-backless-black-midi-dress/127322.html) is Ali's housewarming party dress so I'll leave you with that image ;)


	3. is anybody waiting at home for you

If there’s one thing Ali hates it’s uncertainty. She doesn’t have the time nor the patience to wait for people to make up their minds. It’s part of what makes it so unusual that she’s willing to wait for Ashlyn to be ready to date after her divorce. As the months pass without Ashlyn making a move, Ali becomes increasingly frustrated with their situation. 

 

Ali probably could push Ashlyn a little more than she already does but as her friend, she wants to give Ashlyn the time she needs to work through things. Things could very well backfire on Ali if she pushes her too far too soon so she wants to give her all the time she needs so that when they do start something, Ashlyn is fully ready.

 

Making matters worse is that Ashlyn has been on dates here and there, experiencing single life as an adult for the first time all while Ali has made her feelings very clear. 

 

It’s all part of the process. The phrase becomes Ali’s mantra over the weeks and months. She knows it’s for the best that Ashlyn try out the dating pool for a while, to get everything out of her system before they start a serious relationship. 

 

Since they toe the line between friendship and something more, Ali ends up in the precarious position of hearing all about the dates Ashlyn goes on. She doesn’t necessarily mind hearing about Ashlyn’s dates (she is, after all, Ashlyn’s friend) but she does find it hard to be objective about the whole thing. 

 

One night, after her second date with this woman she’d met on tinder, Ashlyn can’t sleep. The date had gone well so she brought Danielle back to her place for more drinks and some privacy. They only made out but Danielle was pretty drunk so she’d ended up falling asleep on Ashlyn’s couch. Figuring there was nothing else to do, Ashlyn attempted to fall asleep as well but her attempts were futile. 

 

Bored and much too wired to fall asleep, Ashlyn texts Ali to ask if she’s still up. The reply comes quickly so Ashlyn decides to call instead of texting Ali back. They haven’t seen each other as much in recent weeks as she has started dating again and Ashlyn misses Ali’s presence. 

 

“You caught me just as I was gonna go to bed,” Ali says. 

 

“Oh, sorry, I’ll let you go then.” 

 

“No worries,” Ali replies and Ashlyn could swear she hears her smile through the phone. “Is everything okay?”

 

“I just couldn’t sleep and I kind of missed your voice--I haven’t seen you in a few days,” Ashlyn says. “I had another date with Danielle tonight.” 

 

Ali takes a deep breath, thankful that Ashlyn can’t see her face. “Must not have been a very good date if you’re calling someone else at two in the morning,” she says, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn. 

 

“It was pretty good, actually. We came back here after to drink a little more and make out. Now she’s wasted and passed out on my couch.” 

 

“So that’s why you’re keeping your voice so low,” Ali notes. 

 

“Yep,” Ashlyn confirms. 

 

“So you think this will turn into something?” 

 

“No, I don’t think so. She’s fun and cute but I don’t think it could ever work as a relationship, you know? Maybe it could, I guess. It’s only our second date so I never really thought about it.”

 

“I mean, if you did think it was going to work with her, you probably wouldn’t have gone on a date with someone else a few nights ago, right? If you liked her enough and were enjoying talking to her and thought your first date was spectacular then you wouldn’t have been looking elsewhere.”

 

“You’re absolutely right,” Ashlyn replies. “If I was so thrilled with her, I probably would’ve had her move to my bed and I wouldn’t be on the phone with you but here we are.” 

 

“Here we are,” Ali echos. She closes her eyes, wishing more than anything that this hoping and waiting will end soon. She thinks about their situation, how Ashlyn called her in the middle of the night because she missed her voice. She thinks about the woman passed out on Ashlyn’s couch, how she wishes she were the one going home with Ashlyn. She feels a pang of jealousy directed towards the woman but then she reminds herself that, out of everyone, she’s the one Ashlyn called in the middle of the night. Platonic or not, she would much rather be the one Ashlyn calls in the middle of the night just to talk than the one she takes home but feels unsure about. “So how are you feeling about this whole dating thing so far?” 

 

Ashlyn considers Ali’s question before she answers. “I kind of dig it, honestly. Cass and I were still young when we got together so I’ve never really experienced this dating around thing. It’s fun.” She pauses again, thinking about the dates she’s been on and the women she’s met. “But I do miss being in a serious relationship. I miss sharing everything with one person. I think I just do better in long term relationships. Like tonight when Danielle fell asleep, I knew I wasn’t going to wake her up and make her go home but I also didn’t want to carry her to bed like I would if she was someone I was really with. I want that again. I want someone to come home to that I’m comfortable with. I want that again and I’m getting there but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I think maybe once the divorce is finalized I won’t think about it so much and maybe I’ll be able to put all of this behind me and really move on.” 

 

She pictures Ali as she speaks, imagining coming home to her every night. Her jokes and laughter on the good days, her comfort on the bad ones. The constant presence of her favorite person. That’s what she wants. 

 

“I kind of miss relationships too,” Ali replies. “You know it’s been over a year since my last relationship so I totally get where you’re coming from. God, I remember how my last girlfriend and I were so infatuated with each other that we’d usually end up on the phone in the middle just because we missed the other.” 

 

Ashlyn laughs. “You got me there. What can I say? I’m pretty damn fond of you.” 

 

She’s not an idiot, she knows why she wanted to talk to Ali of all people. No matter how she tries to push her feelings aside for a little while longer, they’re always there and growing stronger with each passing day. She has no doubt that if it were Ali who passed out on her couch, without any hesitation, she would’ve helped Ali into comfier clothes and got her settled in bed. She wouldn’t have left her sleeping on the couch and gone to her bedroom alone so she could talk to another girl. No, if that were Ali, they would be curled up in bed together right now and Ashlyn wouldn’t be thinking about anyone else, let alone talking to someone else. 

 

As much as she wants Ali, she’s scared out of her mind. Ali has quickly taken Cassidy’s former place as her biggest emotional support and oftentimes, it feels like Ali has been that for her all along. There is no one else Ashlyn would rather move forward with. In fact, she catches herself comparing every single date to the woman who has already stolen so much of her heart. 

 

No one compares. 

 

Of course no one compares. 

 

But it’s too soon. 

 

There’s still so much she needs to work through. She’s still too afraid of starting a new relationship, especially with someone as important to her as Ali. She would never want to hurt Ali so as difficult as it is for both of them, they have to wait a little while longer. When she does date Ali, she wants to give her everything without fear or anything else to hold them back. 

 

“Anyway, how was your night?” Ashlyn asks. 

 

“Pretty quiet,” Ali answers. “I didn’t feel like doing much of anything so I stayed home and watched Netflix all night.”

 

“My, my, beautiful Alexandra Krieger staying in on a Friday night,” Ashlyn whistles in faux surprise. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were closer to sixty than thirty.” 

 

Ali laughs as she rolls her eyes. “You better watch it, I’ll come over there.” 

 

“Please do.”

 

“You already have a girl there, remember? Don’t get greedy now.” 

 

“You come come over and I’ll kick her out. Problem solved.” 

 

“You’re such an ass,” Ali laughs. “I hate to say it but I should go to bed. Dinner and movie night later?” 

 

“Sounds good,” Ashlyn replies. “Sleep well.”

 

~

 

After a slightly awkward morning with Danielle, Ashlyn starts looking forward to dinner with Ali. After a little back and forth about where they should go, they finally agree on a nearby Italian restaurant. It’s slightly nicer than some of the other places they frequent so Ashlyn dresses up a little in a button down and dark wash jeans. If it weren’t for the fact that they’re meeting at the restaurant, Ashlyn would feel like they’re going on a date. 

 

Ali is outside in a form fitting grey dress when Ashlyn arrives so they walk into the restaurant together. 

 

“How was the morning after?” Ali asks once they’re seated. 

 

“It’s not the morning after if we didn’t do anything,” Ashlyn laughs. “It was about as awkward as I expected. She seemed pretty embarrassed about it so she apologized a lot. I felt kinda bad about that because she really had no reason to feel that way. That shit happens, you know? So I told her not to worry about it. But, I don’t know, I get the feeling I won’t hear from her again.” 

 

“That’s too bad,” Ali replies, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

 

“You just can’t wait to get your claws in me,” Ashlyn teases, rolling her eyes. 

 

“Oh, these claws?” Ali asks, holding up her hands in response. 

 

“Yeah, those claws. Nails are getting pretty long there, Al, you better trim them.” 

 

Ali shrugs as if to say she’s not bothered. “If I had a girlfriend I would. And you’re right, I can’t wait,” she says, winking. 

 

Ashlyn blushes at Ali’s words. Ali knows exactly how to get to her and if she’s like this before they’re dating, Ashlyn knows she’s in trouble when they do start dating. If Ali is this forward and flirty while they’re still friends, Ashlyn is pretty sure she won’t get any rest once they’re dating. Not that she would ever complain about such a thing. 

 

Ali watches Ashlyn squirm with a massive smirk on her face. She definitely likes pushing the boundaries with Ashlyn and it seems to make Ashlyn uncomfortable in the best possible way. If Ashlyn were truly uncomfortable with Ali’s forwardness, she would dial it back a little but Ashlyn seems to enjoy it as much if not more than she does so she’s constantly testing just how far she can take it. 

 

Even without the flirtiness throughout dinner, the night feels like a pretty romantic date. That is, until the waiter comes around with their requested separate checks. As they each pay for their meals, Ali is reminded of the tricky nature of their situation. She often feels like Ashlyn is hers and hers alone, making her feel very territorial at times. When they’re out to a dinner like this or having a quiet night in with wine and Netflix, Ali feels like they’re together, that there are no boundaries or dating apps filled with messages on Ashlyn’s phone. It feels normal and right so when Ali is reminded of their actual situation, it almost comes as a surprise. 

 

Like last night when Ashlyn called her, Ali was almost confused at first to hear that Ashlyn had another woman over. 

 

If things were different and Ashlyn called because she missed her, Ali would’ve gone to her apartment in a heartbeat. She would’ve shown up at her door, a big grin on her face. She would kiss Ashlyn deeply in greeting.  _ You just can’t get enough of me,  _ she’d say. Ashlyn would agree, of course, and they’d kiss their way into the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. When they finished, Ali would trace the lines of Ashlyn’s tattoos, memorizing every line, every story from Ashlyn’s past. They would fall asleep together, skin on skin, and Ali would be happier and more content than she’s ever been. 

 

Ali looks forward to those moments. 

 

She looks forward to those moments because as weird as things are right now, all signs point to them eventually ending up together. She looks forward to those moments because if she doesn’t, she might lose hope. 

 

They head to Ali’s place for a sleepover after they finish dinner. When they arrive, Ashlyn follows Ali into her bedroom where Ali searches through her dresser for sweatpants and a t shirt for both of them. 

 

“You know, at some point I should just leave pajamas here,” Ashlyn muses as they change. 

 

“I think those pants are yours, actually, I borrowed them when I stayed at your place one night.” 

 

“Further proving my point that we should leave some clothes at each other’s places.”

 

“I’m sure the girls you go out with would love to know that I have a permanent stash of clothes there,” Ali teases. 

 

“Hey, you never know, I might bring someone home and she could borrow your clothes.” 

 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Ali exclaims. “Because I would have to kill you if you did that.” 

 

Ashlyn lowers herself down onto Ali’s bed, resting her hands behind her head. “Oh yeah? Who would you flirt with if you killed me?” 

 

“Anyone would be lucky for me to flirt with them, I’m sure I could find someone.” She pauses for a moment, pretending to think. “Hey, maybe that cute neighbor of yours. You think you could get me their number?” 

 

“No. Now go make some popcorn so we can watch a movie.” 

 

Ali gets out of bed and makes her way into the kitchen to make popcorn and get other snacks for whatever movie Ashlyn picks. When she returns to her room and sees Ashlyn in bed, she realizes that reality isn’t so different from her daydreams. Sure, the physical part of the relationship isn’t there (yet) but they have everything else in spades. 

 

For now, that’s enough. 

 

For now, it’s enough for them to support one another as friends. It’s enough to have dinner and movie nights like this without expecting anything more. 

 

As they talk and laugh through the movie, hardly paying attention to the screen, Ali knows that this is enough. While she wants more someday, she is confident that if things don’t work out that way, Ashlyn is enough. Their friendship is already one of the most important things in Ali’s life and while it’s easy for her to become impatient, to forget the reason why they’re taking things so slow, she knows they’re doing the right thing by letting Ashlyn take the time she needs. 

 

They’re in the middle of the movie when Ashlyn gets a text from Danielle. 

 

“She wants to take me out to dinner next weekend to make up for passing out on my couch,” Ashlyn explains. 

 

“You gonna go?” 

 

Ashlyn shakes her head. “No, I think I’ll tell her it’s not gonna work out. She’s nice and all but you got me thinking last night and I don’t want to lead her on if it’s not going anywhere. Actually, do you mind if we pause this? I’m gonna go call her in the other room.” 

 

“Let her down easy,” Ali says. 

 

In a reversal of the previous night, Ashlyn goes into the living room to call Danielle while Ali stays in bed. While Ashlyn called Ali the previous night just to talk, she only calls Danielle because it’s the right thing to do. While Ashlyn had an unintended, slightly awkward sleepover the night before, the sleepover with Ali feels like exactly where Ashlyn is supposed to be. 

 

By the time Ashlyn comes back into the bedroom, Ali is already half asleep. 

 

“How’d it go?” Ali asks as Ashlyn lies down next to her. 

 

“About as well as it can go,” Ashlyn replies. “I told her that I didn’t think it would work out and that I still have some things to work through. She understood and that was that. She’s a wonderful woman but is just not for me. I’ve already wasted so much time with someone that wasn’t right for me and I don’t want to do that again. It was best to cut it off here.” 

 

“You have to do what’s best for you,” Ali says. 

 

“Exactly,” Ashlyn replies, smiling as she meets Ali’s eyes. She rolls to her side, turning off the bedside lamp. “Goodnight, Al.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter today. The next one has a bit of drama so gimme those comments and I'll get it up tomorrow or Wednesday ;) 
> 
> any predictions or things you'd like to see?


	4. I'd say it on the phone if I thought you were alone

 

Ali’s predicament comes up at least once a week with Liz so it’s not surprising when Liz broaches the subject over brunch one day. They’re at one of their favorite places: a small neighborhood diner, the kind of place that’s frequented by locals and doesn’t attract many tourists.

 

“Have you made your move yet?” Liz asks.

 

Ali shakes her head, sipping her coffee. “No, you know I’m waiting for her. She’s the one who’s still working through stuff with her ex so it’s always seemed kind of obvious that she would tell me when she’s ready.”

 

“Maybe she’s waiting for you,” Liz tries.

 

“Why on earth would she think that she needs to wait for me? I’ve never hid the fact that I have feelings for her. She’s the one who needed time.”

 

“I know. I just think that maybe you need to tell her how you feel. I mean, you’ve said she’s been going on dates so clearly she’s ready for that. Maybe she’s just scared to start a new relationship so if you tell her you don’t want to wait around anymore you might finally get somewhere.”

 

Ali sighs. They’ve had this conversation at least once a week for a month only to end up in the same place every time. This time, however, Ali thinks that Liz might be onto something. Ashlyn dating is a recent development so as long as she’s out there and looking, she might be finally be ready to start something with Ali.

 

“I’ll think about it, okay?” Ali says.

 

Ali doesn’t stop thinking about Liz’s words all week. It doesn’t help that Ashlyn is been busy with work and hammering out final details of the divorce with her lawyer, making it difficult to see each other. Ali continues to dwell on it until Friday, when she knows Ashlyn and Cassidy will be meeting together with their lawyers for some last minute decisions. Ali figures Ashlyn will need a drink after so she texts her to call when she’s finished.

 

When Ashlyn finally calls early in the evening, Ali already has several outfits laid out on her bed and is contemplating which one she should wear. She’s slowly built the nerve to talk to Ashlyn about how she feels and she wants to do it before she talks herself out of it again. If Ashlyn still needs more time, Ali will give it to her but they need to get everything out in the open. No longer can Ali continue this awkward dance, wondering when or if Ashlyn will be ready.

 

With everything in the open, there will be no more guessing.

 

“How’d it go?” Ali asks, bringing her phone to her ear.

 

“It was fine,” Ashlyn says. “Just finalizing little details like the lease to the car that we literally never use--I’d actually forgotten about the car until they brought it up today. We finalize the divorce a week from today.”

 

“Well I was thinking that we should go out for drinks tonight. I figured you might need it after this week.”

 

“Oh,” Ashlyn says. There’s a long pause and Ali worries that the call was dropped until Ashlyn continues, “I can’t, actually, Cassidy and I are going out for dinner and drinks. But I’ll take a rain check for sure.”

 

“I’m sorry, I must have misheard you,” Ali says. “I could’ve sworn you said you and Cassidy are going out to dinner.”

 

“That’s what I said,” Ashlyn replies tersely.

 

Ali pauses, unsure of what to say for the first time since meeting Ashlyn. It’s not her place to tell her she can’t have dinner with Cassidy but she certainly feels an obligation as her friend to make sure she’s really thought about what she’s going to do.

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she asks. “You just got out of a meeting with your divorce attorneys.”

 

“Ali, please, it’s been a hard week I don’t need to be lectured. Besides, Whitney already tried to talk me out of it. I’m a grown woman and it’s just dinner. It’ll be fine.”

 

“I get that it’s been a hard week, that’s why I invited you out tonight. Don’t you think going to dinner with your ex will just derail all the progress you’ve made in moving on?” Ali sighs, dropping down onto her bed, hoping that Ashlyn will change her mind.

 

“I appreciate the concern,” Ashlyn says. “But it’s not like we’re getting back together or anything. We’re just going to catch up and talk about how annoying our lawyers are. She knows better than anyone what I’m going through so it’ll be nice company.”

 

It’s clear that Ashlyn has already made up her mind so Ali doesn’t want to press the issue more than she already has. She’s made it known that she’s not fond of the idea but she can’t force Ashlyn to do anything, no matter how much she wishes she could prevent this dinner from happening. “Okay,” she relents. “Call me tomorrow if you want to get coffee or something.”

 

“Will do,” Ashlyn says.

 

There’s no way Ali can just sit around her apartment with the knowledge that Ashlyn is spending the evening with her ex wife so she texts Liz and asks if she wants to go see something on Broadway. It’s been awhile since they’ve seen a show so Liz agrees immediately. It doesn’t matter what they’ll see, really, as long as it takes Ali’s mind off of Ashlyn and Cassidy.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

They end up seeing a revival Ali last saw when her high school theater performed it during her junior year. It’s a fine show that Ali would genuinely enjoy if she were paying attention but it’s not enough to distract her from her thoughts. She’s always been able to reason with Ashlyn through disagreements--it’s part of what makes their friendship so strong--but Ashlyn clearly wasn’t interested in logic or reason tonight. She was going out with her ex wife and there was nothing Ali could do to stop her. Hell, if even Whitney couldn’t stop Ashlyn from doing something stupid, it was clearly a hopeless cause.

 

She wonders what they’re doing and talking about. How would one even have a friendly conversation with their ex spouse hours after meeting with their lawyers? Sure, from all accounts Cassidy is a lovely person and Ashlyn can talk to almost anyone (it’s one of the things Ali loves most about her) but she worries that this will be a setback in Ashlyn moving on.

 

Ali is so zoned out the entire night that curtain call takes her by surprise. She dutifully claps along with the rest of the audience, although she feels like she didn't actually see the show.

 

“Are you okay?” Liz asks as the theater starts clearing out.

 

“Yeah,” Ali says absentmindedly as she checks her phone to see if there's an update from Ashlyn (there isn't one).

 

“Ali, seriously,” Liz says, gently taking Ali’s phone from her, forcing her to focus. “You weren’t paying attention all night. Talk to me.”

 

“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.”

 

“Wishing your girlfriend were here?” Liz asks as they put their coats on.

 

“More like wishing she was doing anything other than what she’s doing right now.”

 

“Which is?”

 

Ali stops what she’s doing and meets her best friend’s eyes. Luckily, they’re in the center of their row so nobody has to move by them to exit. “Well she and her lawyer met with Cassidy and her lawyer today and now Ash and Cassidy are out for dinner and drinks.”

 

“And you didn’t stop her?” Liz asks incredulously. “You would never let me get away with something like that. God, one time I almost drunk texted my ex and you changed my passcode for the night.”

 

“Yeah, because when I call you on your shit, you listen to me. I tried to tell her it’s a terrible idea but she wasn’t having any of it. So now I’m just worried that this will set her back. She’s finally starting to move on and now she’s opening herself up to that again and it worries me. It’s not even about me, you know? It’s not about her being ready to date me, I’m worried about her as a friend.”

 

“And you want her to be ready to date you.”

 

“That too,” Ali admits, shrugging.

 

“Well, I guess the only thing for us to do is go drink,” Liz says, finally leading Ali out of the theater. “I’m not going to let you dwell on this all night so we might as well go get drunk and do karaoke.”

 

~

 

Ali wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and very few memories of her and Liz’s trip to the bar. Her phone vibrates on the nightstand, signaling a new text message so she reluctantly rolls over to grab it. She feels around on her nightstand until she finally finds her phone, rolling onto her back with her phone clutched in her hand. Her mind is still foggy but as soon as she sees five texts from Ashlyn telling her to come over as soon as possible, she wakes right up.

 

_On my way,_ she fires back.

 

She runs through the most important elements of her morning routine (teeth, hair, clothing, a swipe of mascara), and takes a couple of aspirin for her hangover. She’s out the door in under fifteen minutes, a record on a normal day and something of a miracle with a hangover.

 

The walk to Ashlyn’s apartment it short and brisk, the unusually chilly wind biting at Ali’s cheeks as she walks.

 

Ashlyn looks as hungover as Ali feels. Her hair is disheveled and she has what looks to be day old mascara smudged around her eyes, which are slightly bloodshot. Her t-shirt is inside out and half tucked into a pair of basketball shorts as if she’d gotten dressed in a hurry. If it weren’t for the circumstances of the previous night, it would be a small comfort for Ali to be able to commiserate about hangovers with Ashlyn.

 

As soon as Ashlyn lets Ali in the door, she begins pacing her living room while Ali stands nearby, watching helplessly.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ali asks. She’s never seen Ashlyn like this and considering who she spent her evening with, there’s no way she has good news to share.

 

“I slept with her,” Ashlyn says, still pacing. “I fucking slept with her.”

 

“Who?” Ali questions, though she already knows the answer. Ashlyn’s fretful body language and disheveled appearance tell her all she needs to know. She dreads the confirmation of her worst fear but needs to hear Ashlyn say it.

 

Ashlyn finally stops pacing long enough to give Ali a look like she’s never heard such a stupid question. “Who do you think?” She starts pacing again, running her hand through her already messy hair.

 

Ali ignores the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She's definitely not hungover enough to feel like she's going to be sick so she knows the feeling is due to Ashlyn's confession. “Start from the beginning,” she requests, using every ounce of strength to hold herself together. “How did you end up sleeping with her?”

 

“Well we went out to dinner, right? And we had fun together. We actually enjoyed spending time together for the first time in like two years. We talked and laughed and, I don’t know, it felt like we went back in time to before things started falling apart. After dinner, we started drinking because after all those meetings to divide assets and all that shit, we both needed to get drunk so we did. Then one thing led to another and we ended up coming back here.”

 

“You brought her here?” Ali asks. She’s not quite sure how she’s keeping her cool as well as she is--possibly because she’s not sure whether she wants to cry or scream and she’s too stunned to do either.

 

“Yes,” Ashlyn says. “So we came back here and drank some more and I’m not really sure what happened but we definitely slept together.”

 

“Are you sure? Maybe you just--”

 

“I’m positive,” Ashlyn replies. “I don’t remember much about how we ended up sleeping together but I definitely remember sleeping together. We must have fallen asleep after because I woke up naked and it was clear that someone slept on the other side of the bed but she was already gone.”

 

“I can't believe you brought her here,” Ali comments without emotion.

 

“You're telling me,” Ashlyn replies. “This was supposed to be my fresh start and now it feels contaminated. I never could've stayed in our apartment after we split which is why I moved out and now I see her all over this damn place. I’m such an idiot.”

 

“I tried to tell you--” Ali starts but is interrupted by Ashlyn.

 

“Don’t do that,” Ashlyn says with barely contained anger. “I know you practically get off on being right but don’t do that to me right now. I feel shitty enough as it is so please, if you could not be smug about this for like two seconds that would be great.”

 

Ali nods and Ashlyn goes quiet once more, still pacing. Ashlyn’s words sting more than Ali would like to admit but that’s the least of her concerns right now.

 

There’s not much Ali can do so she decides to put a pot of coffee on in the kitchen, hoping it will help calm both of them down. Plus, she rushed out of her own apartment so quickly this morning that she hasn’t been able to get her fix yet and at least it will give Ashlyn something to do rather than walk in circles around her living room. So she brews the strongest pot of coffee she possibly can, still trying to process her conversation with Ashlyn.

 

As Ashlyn’s friend, she knows that things happen and that while sleeping with her ex was a mistake, it’s certainly not the end of the world. Ashlyn clearly regrets it and it doesn’t seem like they’ll be getting back together. Everyone makes mistakes and as far as mistakes go, this one was pretty innocuous.

 

But as someone who has made no secret of her attraction to Ashlyn, it stings. It stings a lot.

 

“Come have coffee with me,” Ali says, pouring two cups and adding milk and sugar to each of their tastes. “I came over as soon as I woke up so I haven’t had my fix yet.”

 

“Wow, I’m impressed,” Ashlyn says. “The only time you leave your apartment before coffee is when you’re on your way to get coffee.”

 

“What do you think I am, a heathen?” Ali says, smirking. “I drink a small cup at home before I leave the house. My pre-coffee coffee.”

 

“Of course, my mistake,” Ashlyn replies.

 

They sip their coffee quietly for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts. Neither have said the last they need to say about the previous night’s events, however, so the quiet is short lived.

 

“I’m such an idiot,” Ashlyn says.

 

“You’re not an idiot. You did something stupid and I tried to warn you that it was a bad idea to have dinner with her but you’re not stupid.”

 

“You were right, are you happy?” Ashlyn snaps, feeling little sympathy as Ali recoils. It’s clearly something Ali wanted to hear and as much as Ashlyn hates to admit that she was wrong, now they can at least have a productive conversation.

 

Of course it was a mistake to sleep with Cassidy but that doesn’t mean it was a mistake for them to have dinner to take their minds off of things. For ten years, they were always there for one another. No matter what, Ashlyn knew she could talk to Cassidy about her struggles just like she knew she would support Cassidy through her own hard times. But as soon as they made the decision to separate, Ashlyn lost the one person she could always turn to. She’s been doing well enough so far leaning on friends and family for support but after so many years together, she and Cassidy shared a level of comfort that Ashlyn doesn’t have with anyone else. Over the last few months, she’s been slowly building that comfortability with Ali but that doesn’t change the fact that Ali can’t truly understand what Ashlyn is going through.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean--” Ali says, still trying to gather her thoughts. “There’s just no way a dinner like that could end well.”

 

“If you think I went into last night intending for this to happen then you don’t know me at all. We had a good time and got drunk. I’ve been lonely and it just happened.”

 

Now Ali is mad. Not disappointed, which was her initial reaction to this entire situation. Not sad, though that feeling is sure to come later when she has time to really think about everything. She is mad. Mad at herself for waiting around for so long and mad at Ashlyn for keeping her on her line without a second thought.

 

“Oh, you were lonely,” Ali coos. “Lonely as if you don’t have me waiting around for you to be ready to date me, right? I never do that, Ashlyn. I _never_ wait around for someone to deem me worthy of their time and attention. But here I've been waiting for you for months and I get it, I really do, you're having a hard time. More than anything, I want you to be able to work through it because I'm your friend. But don't you dare say you were lonely as if I'm not waiting for you to say when. And don’t even try to act like you don’t know about my feelings for you. I couldn’t have been more obvious if I wanted to."

 

“Of course I know how you feel. Believe me, I feel the same way but I’m so scared, Ali. I'm too scared," Ashlyn says, voice cracking. "I'm scared that what happened with her will happen with you. I'm scared that we'll be madly in love and lose our way along the line. I’m scared because I can picture myself having everything with you, just like I used to picture having everything with her. And then what? I can lose you as a friend and a partner just like I lost her."

 

They're both crying steadily at this point but neither makes a move to comfort the other as they usually would. They're too caught up in their own anger so they both stay seated at the table, wiping their own tears away as they calm themselves.

 

It’s something Ashlyn has needed to tell Ali for a long time but it’s painful to talk about her fears so she’s put this off for as long as possible. Of course she can see herself having a future with Ali. Hell, she often thinks back to Ali’s advice to picture herself with a wife and child one day to get her through the hard times when it seems like it would have been easier to stay with Cassidy. It’s not just some random woman Ashlyn pictures herself having those moments with, it’s Ali, and the thought scares her to death.

 

The fear is real and debilitating and Ashlyn knows she couldn't have avoided telling Ali forever.

 

Ali, who has some of the same qualities that drew Ashlyn to Cassidy in the first place: self assured, beautiful, funny. She's also someone who actually wants the same things as Ashlyn and who wholeheartedly supports her dreams. The perfect combination of friendship and attraction. But as Ashlyn learned the hard way, sometimes things fall apart. She learned that sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you believe in your relationship or want things to work out. Ali has only been a part of Ashlyn’s life for a few months and already Ashlyn knows she can't lose her.

 

Finally, it's Ali who breaks the silence. "I'm not her," she says quietly.

 

"I know that."

 

"The problems you had with her are not necessarily problems we'll have. Of course there will be shit we need to work through but just because your relationship with her didn't work out that doesn't mean things wouldn’t work with us."

 

"I know."

 

“I want to give you everything, Ashlyn,” Ali starts, choking back tears. “She didn’t want the same things as you but I do, don’t you understand that? I want to be the one you come home to and build a future with. I want to be the person that understands you the best. I’m not her.”

 

Ashlyn takes Ali’s hand across the table, comforting the other woman. “I want those same things but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m terrified.”

 

Ali pauses, gathering the courage to say what she needs to ask. She almost chickens out when she looks in Ashlyn's eyes, nearly melting at those beautiful, soulful eyes but resolves herself to be strong. "Be honest, do you think you'll ever work through those fears?”

 

“I think so,” Ashlyn says, dropping Ali’s hand as she sits back in her chair. “I promise I've been trying ever since my housewarming party when you showed up wearing lingerie.” She smirks, thinking back to that night. She hasn't seen Ali wear that dress since but hopes it'll make a reappearance someday. Someday when she finally deserves to see her in something like that.

 

“That was not lingerie,” Ali says. “Trust me, that was matronly compared to the stuff I wear in the bedroom.”

 

“Well I look forward to seeing it someday,” Ashlyn says, blushing. “That is, if you're willing to wait for me for a little while longer.”

 

Truthfully, Ali might wait fifty years for Ashlyn if she was guaranteed that there's light at the end of the tunnel. She doesn't dare say this, however, out of fear that she’ll continue taking her sweet time and she actually will end up waiting fifty years.

 

“Do you think it might be easier for you to process your fears if I'm not around? Like, is it easier pushing them out of your mind and not working through them when we spend so much time together?”

 

“I don't know,” Ashlyn admits. “Maybe.” Ali might have a point. She often forgets her troubles when Ali is around and it's definitely easier to pretend like she's not afraid of embarking on a new relationship with her when they're together but then when they're apart, those worries come back in full force and Ashlyn has to face the reality of them.

 

“Well then I think we need some time apart,” Ali says. She's not mad. Not even annoyed. But they clearly need to do something different because what they're doing now is just hurting them both.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean that I'm going to give you the time you need to figure things out, to really think about what you want to do regarding our relationship. I'll still be around if you need to talk, you don't have to worry about that, but I think it's best if we don't see each other for a while. If you just want to be friends, I can learn to live with it but I’ll need time too. If that's the conclusion that you come to, I'd still want to be your friend but it might take me awhile to get used to the idea.”

 

“I don't like the part where I don't get to see you,” Ashlyn starts, “but maybe that's for the best. It's hard to work through my issues when you're constantly distracting me with your feminine wiles.”

 

“And here I thought they were gonna help my case,” Ali jokes. “You did enjoy them, right?”

 

“Of course,” Ashlyn grins.

 

Ali stands, prompting Ashlyn to do the same. “I’ll be around if you need me, you know that, right?”

 

“I appreciate that,” Ashlyn says. She pulls Ali into a tight hug, holding her close for a moment.

 

Ashlyn walks Ali to the door and tells her with absolute certainty that she will see her soon. She has too much to lose here to not work through her issues and she’s determined that they’ll need to spend as little time apart as possible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating two days in a row since you were all so nice last chapter. I'm sure you all have thoughts on this one so let me hear them. Maybe I'll even update on Thursday so we can all move on from this angst ;)
> 
> Just a little bump in the road


	5. lost and found

 

The longer Ali goes without hearing from Ashlyn, the more she begins to worry. Sure, they text every so often to touch base with one another but their conversations don’t go deeper than quick conversations asking how the other is and a happy birthday text from Ali to Ashlyn. Ashlyn never brings up whether or not she’s making progress and Ali never asks, not wanting to push her.

 

The closest they come to talking about their situation is when Ashlyn texts Ali to tell her that the divorce is finalized and that she's officially a single woman. Ali immediately texts back “hopefully not for long”, followed by a few teasing emojis. Ashlyn's typing bubble shows up and disappears several times before she finally replies with emojis of her own: the monkey covering its mouth and the kissy face with rosy cheeks.

 

Rather than sitting at home and dwelling on things, Ali takes a week off of work to make a surprise visit to Kyle in Los Angeles, losing herself in retail therapy and endless sunshine for a few days before making her way north for a solo camping trip in Big Sur. The trip is everything she needs and then some. Her visit with Kyle allows her to vent her frustrations to someone other than Liz while spending time in the southern California sunshine and adding a few new expensive pieces to her wardrobe, justifying them as part of her vacation. But it’s her camping trip that provides the tranquility she desires.

 

For days, she loses herself in hiking and enjoying nature, neither of which she gets to do very often living in New York. It’s a much needed change of pace from her normally busy, structured life back home. She hikes for days on end, only returning to her cabin in the evenings when her muscles are tired and cramping. She practically collapses onto her cot in her tiny private cabin every night, far too exhausted for her thoughts to keep her awake like they do at home.

 

She returns to Kyle’s for a night before her flight home, relaxed and happy as she snuggles with Luna.

 

“I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Kyle says.

 

“Me too.”

 

“Do you think that girl of yours will come to her senses anytime soon?”

 

“I hope so,” Ali replies. It’s been over two weeks since they last saw one another and while she knew this would take some time, she hopes it doesn’t take too much longer. She misses having Ashlyn in her life and while they text every so often (Ali did make sure to tell her about her trip before she left), it's not the same as seeing each other on a regular basis.

 

She misses her.

 

She misses her and no amount of traveling and disconnecting from the rest of the world could make her forget that.

 

“I think she’ll come around,” Kyle says confidently. “She has to know what a good thing she has at stake here.”

 

“She better. I mean,” Ali trails off, gesturing to herself. “Who wouldn’t want this? Come on.”

 

~

 

Ashlyn turns to nearly every method she can think of to get over her fear of starting a new relationship. First, she tells Whitney everything: her night with Cassidy, her fight with Ali, and Ali’s decision to remove herself from the equation for a little while. Whitney is nearly as upset as Ali was when she hears about Ashlyn sleeping with Cassidy but true to form, she lets Ashlyn vent without judgement.

 

Finalizing the divorce comes as a relief, which was unfathomable to Ashlyn just a few months ago. It's the last step to her new start and while it's bittersweet to close that chapter of her life, she looks forward to her future more than she could have imagined when they first separated.

 

In a way, finalizing the divorce helps Ashlyn work through her feelings about starting a relationship with Ali. With the weight of a failed marriage off of her shoulders, she feels freer than she has in over a year. She's no longer dwelling on her past with Cassidy, she's looking forward to a future with Ali. A future filled with love, support, compromise, and passion.

 

After Whitney, who is generally always on her side even when they disagree, Ashlyn decides to get another perspective of the situation from Alex. At least so far, her and Cassidy’s mutual friends have been supportive of them moving on. It was clear to everyone that their relationship wasn’t working and that separating was best for both of them. Alex is one of Ashlyn’s friends that has gotten to know Ali pretty well so Ashlyn thinks she can offer a different perspective that’s likely more balanced than Whitney’s. Ashlyn invites Alex out to Sunday brunch to talk about the matter.

 

“How do you feel about Ali?” Ashlyn asks, stirring her coffee.

 

“She’s great,” Alex replies. “Why?”

 

“You know that she and I are probably going to date, right?”

 

“Nooo,” Alex deadpans, rolling her eyes. “Of course I know that. Everyone knows that. Ash, if you’re worried about me not supporting you or your relationship with Ali because I’m friends with Cass--”

 

Ashlyn shakes her head. “No, it’s not that. I just… I like her a lot but I’m scared that things won’t work out with her like they didn’t work with Cassidy. You knew Cassidy and I together so I’m kind of curious to know if you see differences in how Ali and I act compared to how I was with Cass.”

 

Alex nods her understanding and takes a long sip of coffee before answering. “I don’t think I need to tell you that you and Ali have great chemistry together. I’m friends with you and Cassidy, yes, and that means I want you both to be happy. Ali is great and makes you happier than I’ve seen you in a long time. Sure, like every relationship, there’s no guarantee that it will work out but there’s also nothing to suggest it won’t work out. You and Ali have your differences but as far as I can tell, they’re not as insurmountable as your differences with Cassidy.”

 

Alex’s words go a long way in reassuring Ashlyn but she knows she could use some professional help so she places a call to the therapist her and Cassidy’s old marriage counselor recommended. She assumes she could have spoken to their former counselor but she likes that this new therapist hasn't worked with her and Cassidy together and she can tell her about the problems they faced, further working through them, rather than using a therapist that already experienced their problems first hand.

 

She schedules twice weekly appointments, wanting to expedite the process a little. The first three appointments are centered around her childhood and her relationship with Cassidy, finally getting to the end of their marriage to start her fourth appointment. As soon as she starts talking about Ali midway through the appointment, she feels a definite shift in her mood. Talking about her ex was difficult and painful but talking about Ali (which probably borderlines on bragging about how wonderful she is) comes naturally.

 

She tells her therapist about the earliest stages of their friendship, when she would come up with any excuse to spend time together. She finally talks about her night with Cassidy and the resulting fight with Ali during her sixth appointment, just one day shy of three weeks since she’d last seen Ali. Her therapist, Doctor Grace Cedillo, listens with great interest the more Ashlyn talks about the incident and her feelings for Ali. She asks all the right questions about her night with Cassidy: the hows and whys that Ashlyn didn’t have answers to when she told Ali about the night.

 

The finalization of the divorce a few days before this therapy session was the most awkward thing Ashlyn had ever experienced and she knew that it wasn’t about the divorce at all. When it was all over, Ashlyn made her over to Cassidy to apologize for the night they spent together. That’s when she learned a key piece of information.

 

“She told me that it wouldn’t have been so awkward if I hadn’t called her by another woman’s name when we were done,” Ashlyn explains.

 

“You called her Ali, I’m guessing?”

 

Ashlyn nods, both mortified and amused that she’d done such a thing (mostly mortified). “She told me that right after I said ‘goodnight, Ali’. At first, I didn’t want to believe that I would do that but, I don’t know, it kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? Even my drunken self wishes that were Ali. I want her to be the one I go to bed with. And I don’t even mean that in just a sexual way--I want to spend all my nights with her and wake up together in the morning and make breakfast together. I want her to be my person.”

 

“You care about her a lot,” Grace says.

 

“I really do,” Ashlyn answers, although she knows that wasn’t a question. “But I cared about Cassidy too and, well, you know how that turned out.”

 

“Yes, but from everything you have told me, you and Cassidy weren’t all that compatible even from the start--at least in terms of the future you wanted. You and Ali don’t seem to have that issue. In fact, it sounds like Ali is who you always wanted Cassidy to be. Especially considering what we know about your slipup.”

 

Ashlyn considers Grace’s words, realization washing over her. Some of the things that drew Ashlyn to Ali in the first place were the things that drew her to Cassidy. But while Ashlyn kept hoping that Cassidy would change her mind about having a family and where they would spend their lives, she wouldn’t change anything about Ali or the dreams that they share. “So you’re telling me it’s crazy to be this afraid?”

 

“Not at all. It’s normal to be more cautious than normal after ending a long term relationship. But it sounds like you could have all the right pieces for a relationship with Ali as long as you let go of your fears.”

 

“I really do love her,” Ashlyn admits. “More than I should considering we’re technically still just friends. I don’t want to screw it up but I guess I’m already screwing it up by standing in my own way. I know it’s hurting her and that’s the last thing I would ever want to do. I want to be with her but it scared me.”

 

“How does it feel now?” Grace questions, making mental note of the past tense.

 

“It feels okay,” Ashlyn admits. “It feels like now I’m more scared of not trying and her ending up with someone else.”

 

~

 

Ashlyn wants to call. She wants to call but every time she picks up the phone, words feel inadequate to say what she needs to say. So she turns to yet another trusted friend: baking. More than anything, baking is a stress relief for Ashlyn. She picked it up as a hobby in high school and has continued perfecting her skills ever since. Cassidy always preferred savory to sweet so it was never something she could use to impress her. But as Ashlyn has learned, Ali loves nearly every sweet treat and Ashlyn figures she can’t go wrong with cupcakes and roses.

 

She spends two full days in her kitchen making cupcakes, turning to some of her favorite recipes and trying out some new ones. In the end, she decides on giving Ali two dozen mini cupcakes in all different flavor combinations.

 

After selecting the best looking cupcakes for Ali, Ashlyn boxes up the rest to donate to the women’s shelter near her old apartment, where she donates baked goods a few times a year.

 

She knows Ali got back from California a few days ago so as soon as she gets back from the shelter, she stops back home to pick up Ali’s cupcakes. There’s a florist right next to Ali’s apartment building so she stops there as well, picking up a dozen red roses.

 

The elevator ride up to Ali’s apartment is torturously long. It seems like they stop at every single floor until they finally make it to the 12th floor.

 

Ashlyn’s hands shake as she knocks on Ali’s door, feeling very much like she’s going to pass out.

 

“Ash,” Ali breathes as soon as she opens the door.

 

Ali seems surprised to see her and Ashlyn instantly starts second guessing herself. “Hi, sorry, I didn’t know if I should text first,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Don’t even worry about it,” Ali replies, sensing Ashlyn’s uneasiness. She motions for Ashlyn to follow her inside, closing the door behind Ashlyn.

 

“These are for you,” Ashlyn says, handing Ali the flowers and the box of cupcakes.

 

“Thank you,” Ali says, setting the box and flowers down on the coffee table. She sits down on the couch, pulling the box to her and opening it. “Oh my god, Ash, these look delicious. You’re definitely coming to the gym with me tomorrow.”

 

Ashlyn sits on the couch next to Ali, calmer now that she’s finally in the door. “I’ve done a lot of thinking,” she begins. “And I mean _a lot_ of thinking. A lot of talking too because I talked to Whit, Alex,  and a therapist.”

 

“And?” Ali prompts, hoping more than anything that she’s not about to hear ‘just’ and ‘friends’ in the same sentence. While she cares about Ashlyn enough to accept that outcome, it would be heartbreaking to hear.

 

“And I can’t hold myself back anymore. I’m in love with you, Ali, and standing in my own way is only hurting us. You were right, you’re not my ex, not even close. I can see myself having a future with you and it still scares me but now it scares me in a good way.”

 

“So you’re saying--”

 

“I’m saying I want to be with you, Ali. Without fear or reservation. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met and I would be an idiot to let my fears ruin what we have.”

 

Ali is quiet for a moment and Ashlyn starts worrying that she’s about to turn her down. But then Ali smiles as wide as Ashlyn has ever seen, her tongue peeking through her teeth and her nose crinkling. Then she’s leaning forward, so close that her lips brush Ashlyn’s. “I was hoping you’d say that,” she says. She leans forward the rest of the way, capturing Ashlyn’s lips in a gentle, loving kiss.

 

It’s everything she dreamed it would be.

 

Although the kiss was slow and gentle, it was still enough to leave Ali breathless and wanting more. The feeling of Ashlyn’s soft lips against her own almost feels is so much more than she ever could have imagined.

 

“You’re just happy I said you were right,” Ashlyn quips once they’ve pulled apart.

 

“I did like that part, yes,” Ali says, grinning. “But my favorite part by far was when you said you’re in love with me. Which is a really good thing because I’m in love with you too.”

 

Now it’s Ashlyn’s turn to smile, her dimple showing. “So we’re doing this? Because I don’t know about you, but I think we’ve taken things slow enough.”

 

“Doing what?” Ali questions.

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “Geez, woman, do I have to do everything?”

 

Ali nods, a smirk on her face. She wants to hear Ashlyn say it.

 

“Fine,” Ashlyn playfully grumbles. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

 

“I’m gonna need three weeks to think about it and talk to my therapist,” Ali teases, shrugging. She leans forward, kissing Ashlyn again. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend. Now tell me all about this soul searching you did.”

 

Ashlyn tells Ali everything she’s been doing for the last three weeks, starting with how mad Whitney was when she found out that she slept with Cassidy. Ali is impressed that Ashlyn had decided on twice weekly therapy sessions just for her but when Ashlyn argues that with once weekly sessions it would’ve taken her six weeks to work through everything, Ali is more than happy that she went with twice weekly.

 

They steal kisses as they talk and eat some of the cupcakes Ashlyn brought, splitting most of them in half except the ones Ali likes so much that she has to eat the whole thing. By the time Ali is done recounting her trip to California, she’s in desperate need of real food.

 

“We should go get dinner,” she suggests, kissing Ashlyn again.

 

“Or we could stay here and make out,” Ashlyn counters, smirking.

 

“Or we could go eat real quick then come back and make out all you want. Win-win.”

 

Neither wants to be gone too long so they settle on going to the pizza place down the street from Ali’s place. There aren’t any open tables when they arrive so they sit next to each other at the long high top bar as they eat their massive slices of pizza.

 

“Not quite the first date I envisioned,” Ashlyn says.

 

“Doesn’t make it any less perfect,” Ali says. “Besides, we wouldn’t want to peak too soon you know? Then what would we do?”

 

“So that means I don’t ever have to take you on expensive dates? Good to know,” Ashlyn teases.

 

“Then I don’t have to take you on expensive dates either,” Ali counters, grinning. “You’re not going to do all the spoiling here.”

 

“Well I call dibs on taking you out for a nice date next weekend so don’t make plans.”

 

They eat in silence for a few minutes, letting this moment sink in. Pizza by the slice for dinner wasn’t at all how either imagined their first date going but it’s perfect in its simplicity. There will be plenty of time for all kinds of dates and all in all, they’re more than satisfied just being together after missing each other for the last few weeks.

 

“So how’s your first first date in ten years?” Ali questions.

 

“I hate to break it to you but I have been on a couple of dates since Cass and I split.”

 

“Those don’t count,” Ali says. “Because none of them were me.”

 

“Well, either way, this is a pretty amazing date. I have my gorgeous and amazing new girlfriend and pizza, what more could I want?”

 

“You’re just saying that because I promised we would make out more when we get back to my place,” Ali teases. “But I’ll take it.”

 

Ashlyn swivels on her stool a bit so she can see Ali better. “Thank you for being patient with me,” she says, taking Ali’s hand. “Thank you for being willing to wait for me until I was ready to do this. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, I just wanted to make sure it was right. I couldn’t--wouldn’t--start something with you without being ready to commit myself to you. I know it was hard but I think it would've been much worse if I dated you before I was ready and couldn’t make it work.”

 

“I know, and that’s why I waited.” She pulls Ashlyn in for a kiss, providing the reassurance Ashlyn needs. “You were worth waiting for and I never wanted to push you into something if you weren’t ready. But that’s all behind us now and I think we’re better for it.”

 

Ashlyn kisses Ali again. “I’m not sure what I did to deserve you,” she says.

 

“You picked the right realtor,” Ali says, shrugging.

 

Ashlyn laughs. “Yeah except you pretended to be terrible at your job and I almost had to fire you.”

 

“You pretended to hate everything I showed you,” Ali counters, rolling her eyes.

 

“Guess we just couldn’t stay away.”

 

“Guess not.”

 

The remnants of their pizza have long gone cold so they clean up their mess before walking hand in hand back to Ali’s apartment building. As soon as they’re in the door, Ali puts the roses Ashlyn got for her in a vase and opens a bottle of wine, pouring them each a glass. They cuddle together on the couch and sip their wine, taking bites of cupcakes every so often as they sit and chat.

 

“Cupcakes really are the way to my heart,” Ali says, using her fork to cut one in half. “And you seriously need to open that bake shop. You are too good to not make a living doing this.”

 

“I think I will,” Ashlyn says, taking the half Ali has left. “Someday, at least. How can I not when you talk about it at least once a week?”

 

“I just want you to go after what you really want in life,” Ali replies. “I want you to do what makes you happy and I want a delicious baked goods every day.”

 

“I knew you had an ulterior motive.”

 

“I have a sweet tooth,” Ali says, shrugging. “And you’re an enabler--I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re coming to the gym with me tomorrow. Okay, I can’t eat anymore of these tonight.” She closes the box, turning to Ashlyn. “They’re just distracting me from kissing you.”

 

“Wouldn’t want that,” Ashlyn says. She scoots closer to Ali, putting her hand on the nape of Ali’s neck and pulling her in for a kiss. She’s imagined what it would be like to kiss Ali since they first met but not even her wildest dreams could compare to this.

 

She feels giddy, like she's experiencing kissing for the first time again. She feels like an anxious teenager again, though she's certainly much more confident in her own abilities than she was as a teen. It's an incredible, weightless feeling and Ashlyn wants more.

 

Her hands begin to roam of their own accord. She moves them down Ali’s back, then to her hips, cursing the fact that they're sitting down and she can't grab onto Ali’s gorgeous toned ass. Ali must sense where Ashlyn’s mind has gone because she straddles Ashlyn’s lap on the couch, allowing her to run her hands over her thighs and ass.

 

They continue in this position for quite some time before coming up for air.

 

“Does this count as our workout?” Ashlyn asks as Ali pours them more wine.

 

“I think I can be persuaded,” Ali replies. She hands Ashlyn her glass of wine and settles back onto the couch with her own, cuddling into Ashlyn’s side. “Have I told you how much I’ve missed you the last three weeks?”

 

“No, not yet. We’ve been a little preoccupied,” Ashlyn says, grinning. “I missed you too. But spending time apart showed me what I would be missing out on if I didn’t get my shit together. We were talking so you were still in my life but you weren’t a constant presence like you’d been. I hated it.”

 

“You just can’t get enough of me,” Ali teases, kissing Ashlyn’s cheek.

 

“Can you blame me?” Ashlyn retorts. She sets her wine down and turns to nip at Ali’s ear a little, eliciting a soft moan from the other woman.

 

Ali’s wine is soon forgotten next to Ashlyn’s and she moves into her previous position on Ashlyn’s lap. They kiss hungrily, Ali using their positioning to her advantage as she controls their pace. Ashlyn is all too happy to let Ali to take the lead, her hands roaming all over her girlfriend’s body.

 

Ali works a hickey into the space between Ashlyn’s earlobe and jaw, thoroughly enjoying Ashlyn’s responses as she sucks on the sensitive area. She knows she should take it easy on such a visible spot but she can’t quite help herself and Ashlyn never asks her to stop. When she’s satisfied with her work, she trails kisses back to Ashlyn’s mouth, kissing her deeply.

 

“You’re pretty good at this,” Ali mumbles, pulling away from Ashlyn for a moment.

 

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Ashlyn says, breathless. “How much concealer am I going to need tomorrow?”

 

“It’s probably better if you don’t ask questions.”

 

“Jesus, Al,” Ashlyn breathes. “I’m gonna have to wear a turtleneck, aren’t I?”

 

“Probably a good idea,” Ali replies, smirking. “I can make the other side match, if you want.”

 

“Or I could give you one,” Ashlyn suggests, subconsciously licking her lips.

 

“I have to show apartments on Monday.”

 

“What, and like I don’t have to work?”

 

Ali shrugs. “Sorry.”

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes, leaning forward to kiss Ali again. She trails her hands along the hem of Ali’s shirt before letting them roam up, brushing the taut, warm skin of Ali’s abdomen. No longer satisfied with Ali holding most of the control, she lifts Ali, gently laying her on the couch and hovering above her. She hooks her thumbs into the waistband of Ali’s leggings and is about to pull them down when Ali stops her, suddenly breaking their kiss.

 

“Can’t,” Ali says. “Period started this morning.”

 

“Fuck,” Ashlyn mumbles, moving off of Ali and away from the temptation. “Of course we wait this long and then--” she trails off.

 

“I know, trust me,” Ali says. “But we’ve waited this long, what’s another few days? By the time you take me out on my promised mindblowing date next weekend I’ll be good to go, don’t worry.” She pulls Ashlyn back down on top of her, giving her a gentle kiss to placate her for the moment. “You’re beautiful,” she says, grinning. “I’m so lucky.”

 

They’re quiet for a few minutes, cuddling each other close. It’s everything they’ve both been dreaming about for months.

 

“Stay with me tonight,” Ali requests. “If we can’t have sex, I can at least wake up to your beautiful face in the morning.”

 

“How can I say no when you’ve called me beautiful twice in the last few minutes?”

 

“You can’t,” Ali says, letting Ashlyn lead the way to the bedroom.

 

~

 

It’s not the first time they’ve slept in the same bed but the mood is different from the platonic sleepovers they’ve shared. They change into comfier clothes and kiss a little more until the temptation for more creeps up again and they reluctantly pull apart, reminding themselves that it will be worth the wait in the end.

 

Ali wakes first in the morning, curled up behind Ashlyn with her arm draped over her waist. Without disturbing Ashlyn, she props herself up on an elbow and watches her sleep for a while, studying every inch of her girlfriend’s face. Ashlyn starts stirring a bit after a while and Ali can tell she’s on the verge of waking up so she moves her hair out of the way and starts pressing gentle kisses to her neck.

 

“I could get used to waking up like this,” Ashlyn says, rolling over in Ali’s arms so they’re face to face. “Morning, beautiful.”

 

“Good morning,” Ali replies, kissing Ashlyn on the lips.

 

Ali never makes good on her threat to bring Ashlyn to the gym with her. Spending a lazy morning cuddling in bed with her girlfriend is much more fun than running on a treadmill and well worth using one of her skip days.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, no more pining :) 
> 
> anything you're hoping to see in future chapters? I can't promise anything but you never know!


	6. I need your hands on me now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if the title wasn't enough of a hint, heed the rating ;)

 

As soon as Ashlyn leaves Ali’s apartment on Sunday afternoon, Ali invites Liz over for dinner to tell her the big news. Liz has been their biggest cheerleader from the moment she met Ashlyn at the art gallery and Ali wants to see her face when she announces that she and Ashlyn are dating.

 

Since she skipped going to the gym, she opts to make a healthy meal of salad and grilled chicken with a side of rice. She plays music and dances around her kitchen as she cooks, still on a high from the previous night. When she first opened the door and saw Ashlyn standing there, Ashlyn looked so nervous that Ali briefly worried that she just wanted to be friends. But then she saw the roses and box (which she later found out were cupcakes), she relaxed a little and welcomed Ashlyn inside. She hadn’t imagined that Ashlyn would come on so strong right off the bat. She always imagined that Ashlyn might want to take things slow--at least at first--and she was more than willing to move at whatever pace Ashlyn set as long as they were moving forward. Needless to say, she was pleasantly surprised when Ashlyn confessed that she’s in love with her and asked her to be her girlfriend.

 

It’s so much more than Ali could have ever imagined.

 

She feels like a massive weight has been lifted off of her. She’s no longer harboring a crush on someone who isn’t ready to take the next step yet. She no longer has to worry whether or not she’s coming on too strong or if Ashlyn is really even interested at all. They’re moving forward together and now that they’re through this, Ali feels like they can get through anything.

 

Liz figures it out as soon as Ali opens the door.

 

“You seem happy,” she comments, standing in Ali’s doorway. “Are you finally off the market?”

 

“Ashlyn came over yesterday,” Ali says. She leads Liz into the kitchen where she has dinner prepared and two glasses of wine already poured.

 

“Tell me _everything_ ,” Liz demands, filling her plate.

 

“She just showed up without warning yesterday afternoon holding a bouquet of roses and a box of two dozen mini cupcakes that she made.”

 

“Shit, that woman knows the way to your heart.”

 

“Exactly,” Ali grins. “She said that she did a lot of thinking over the last three weeks and that she actually started seeing the therapist her old marriage counselor recommended when they first decided to split. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she needed to get out of her own way. She said she’s in love with me and asked me to be her girlfriend.”

 

“Oh my god,” Liz exclaims. “I’m so happy for you, Ali. Fuck, I’m so happy.”

 

“Thanks, Liz,” Ali grins. “I’m happy too. Really, really happy.”

 

“So what happened after that?”

 

Ali shrugs, taking a sip of her wine. “We made out a lot and ate cupcakes until we needed real food. Then we went to the pizza place down the street and came back here to make out some more.”

 

“Did you have sex?”

 

“No, my period started yesterday. But Ashlyn is planning something for this weekend and I’ll be ready to go. And sometimes it’s kind of nice to just kiss, you know? There’s no need to rush and now we can look forward to our date this weekend even more. She did stay the night, though, so we just had a night of kissing and cuddling.”

 

“Ugh, you’re already disgustingly cute. I can’t stand it.”

 

~

  


Friday night cannot come soon enough. Their second date promises to be even better than the first though, frankly, Ali would be happy with another pizza night as long as she’s spending the evening with Ashlyn. Plus, their work week schedules are unusually busy with Ali showing apartments and townhouses every day and Ashlyn working overtime to train new employees, making it very difficult for them to coordinate schedules during the week. Ali does make it to Ashlyn’s with takeout on Tuesday evening but other than that, they only manage to get together for a quick cup of coffee here and there.

 

Ashlyn won’t tell Ali where they’re going on their date, which drives Ali absolutely crazy. Ali tries to pick an outfit that would be appropriate for almost anything but struggles to come up with an outfit that would be casual enough if they went bowling but nice enough if they went to the ballet. Frustrated, she dials Ashlyn’s number on Friday evening.

 

“I have no idea what to wear,” she says, foregoing a greeting.

 

“You’ll look beautiful no matter what,” Ashlyn insists.

 

“I don’t mean I’m not happy with anything I have, so stop being cheesy,” Ali retorts.

 

“Never.”

 

“What I mean was that I have no idea how I should be dressing. Is this a black tie type thing or casual?”

 

“You can’t wear a black tie because I’m wearing a black tie,” Ashlyn responds. It’s as much of a hint as she’s willing to give but then she remembers one very important part to her plans. “Oh, and don’t wear heels.”

 

“So dress up but no heels?” Ali asks, confused by the last caveat. It’s not much to go by but at least she knows she can put away the denim jacket. “Would I be overdressed in a gown?”

 

“Yes but I wouldn’t mind seeing that. I’m not telling you any more than that, I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”

 

With Ashlyn’s dress guidelines in mind, vague and confusing as they may be, Ali begins to formulate a plan for how to dress and do her hair. Knowing that Ashlyn is wearing a black tie, she almost settles onto wearing her black dress from the housewarming party but ultimately decides against it. It’s mid November so while she knows she can wear a coat if they’re outside, she worries that it might be a little chilly when they get to their destination.

 

Ultimately, she decides to wear a long sleeve heather grey wrap dress. It’s made of a super soft sweater like material which is perfect for fall. There’s the added bonus of the low neckline (which she knows Ashlyn will love) and the hemline falls a few inches above her knees. It’s classy enough to fit with the limited knowledge she has of Ashlyn’s outfit but cute and flirty and sure to lead to good things later in the evening. She secures her hair up in a bun and pairs the dress with black tights and black booties with a small heel, figuring that a little bit of extra height won’t hurt.

 

Ashlyn arrives at exactly 6:30, looking beautiful in black slacks, a plain white button down, and, as promised, a black tie underneath a black wool coat.

 

“Hello, gorgeous,” Ashlyn greets. She kisses Ali, taking in her ensemble. “Okay, I know I gave you some hints about how to dress but damn you nailed it.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Absolutely. I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect for where we’re going. Grab your coat, I’m going to order a ride.”

 

Ali nods, heading back into her bedroom to grab her own black wool coat. It’s cut almost like a blazer and doesn’t have any buttons so it hangs open, showing off the outfit she’d taken so long to pick.

 

“Okay, let’s go,” Ashlyn says when Ali returns to the living room.

 

They hold hands as they make their way down to the street, waiting for their car to arrive. Ashlyn keeps checking her watch so Ali thinks they must be going to a show or to an in-demand restaurant that won’t hesitate to give their table to someone else if they’re even a second late.

 

As it turns out, Ali’s second guess is much more accurate than the first one, though not for reasons she would have suspected. The driver takes them right to the East River ferry, which they board for the ride to Brooklyn.

 

“Right on time,” Ashlyn says, checking the her phone when they arrive.

 

“No way,” Ali exclaims, finally seeing their destination. “The Water Table? Ashlyn, how did you get reservations on short notice?”

 

“I happen to know someone,” Ashlyn says, shrugging. “They put me first on the cancellation list and called me Tuesday just before you came over. I hadn’t even come up with a backup plan yet so I think it was meant to be. I honestly couldn’t believe when they called. I mean, who would give up a reservation on the last week of the year for this place?”

 

“Their loss,” Ali says. She leans forward, kissing Ashlyn before tugging on her hand to board the boat.

 

They’re seated along the edge of the boat, looking at the water.

 

“One of these days we’ll get to have a date sitting across from each other,” Ashlyn says, helping Ali into her seat. “I mean, this is a pretty good view but not as good as you,” she cheeses.

 

Ali turns a little, leaning forward to whisper in Ashlyn’s ear. “Just wait until you see the view later when you get this dress off of me.”

 

“Easy, woman,” Ashlyn says, pulling away from Ali. “We’re on this boat until ten tonight, it’s not like we can just run out of here when you’ve teased me too much.”

 

Ali nods, seeing Ashlyn’s point. They have all night and while Ali looks forward to that inevitable end to their evening, she does want to stay in the moment and enjoy their meal. She knows this place is expensive--after all, it’s a three course meal and a cruise all in one--and she certainly doesn’t want Ashlyn to waste her money by shifting their focus to other things.

 

The waiters start making their rounds as soon as the last passengers board and the boat departs into the East River. They both want to try some of everything so they agree on ordering different appetizers and main courses so they can share or switch. Ali elects orders the New England cheese plate as her appetizer and lobster risotto as her main course, which she pairs with rosé. Ashlyn goes for the other options, ordering smoked scallop lobster bisque for her appetizer and beer simmered sausages for her entree.  

 

“That looks so good,” Ali says, looking over at Ashlyn’s appetizer as soon as the waiter sets it down.

 

“Want to try some?” Ashlyn offers, sliding the bowl towards Ali.

 

“You haven’t even tried it yet.”

 

“So? You can be my taste tester and tell me if I’m going to like it.”

 

Ali shrugs, knowing Ashlyn can be a picky eater at times. She takes a few bites of the soup. It’s delicious, of course, and she kind of wishes she had ordered it. “Oh, you’re going to hate it,” she quips, smiling. “Maybe I should just eat the whole thing.”

 

“You’re lying but we can switch if you want,” Ashlyn offers.

 

Ali shakes her head, pushing the bowl back towards Ashlyn. Luckily, her cheese plate is just as delicious and she saves some bites of cheese she knows Ashlyn will love for when they switch halfway through.

 

“This is quite the second date,” Ali says. She leans her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder as they take in the sights through the window and wait for their entrees to arrive. “But our first date was pretty damn good too. It’s nice to get all dressed up like this sometimes but I love that we can do casual dates as well. It’s a good balance.”

 

“I absolutely agree,” Ashlyn says. She turns a little, kissing the top of Ali’s head. It’s a small, simple act that gives both of them butterflies. They’ve been dating for less than a week so while a lot of things feel familiar and comfortable, they’re still very much in the honeymoon phase where it’s all still very exciting. It’s a juxtaposition Ashlyn hopes will never go away--the comfortability in knowing the other person is there but still excited just to be in the other’s presence.

 

Their main courses are just as delicious as the appetizers, though Ali’s not quite sure how that’s possible. They once again trade bites from their own plates, though they’re both happy they selected the dishes they did. Ali isn't trying to look when the check comes around but she definitely spots a one after the dollar sign and she makes a mental note to properly thank Ashlyn later.

 

“I cannot thank you enough for tonight,” Ali says, taking Ashlyn’s hand as they get off the boat. “Seriously, this was beyond anything I could have imagined.”

 

“Night’s not over yet, princess,” Ashlyn says, squeezing Ali’s hand.

 

“I know but I wanted to thank you now,” Ali replies. “I know that could not have been cheap and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”

 

“Yeah, well, I have this pretty amazing girlfriend I’m trying to impress. She’s well worth the cost.”

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing you refer to me as your girlfriend,” Ali grins. It’s something she’s spend a lot of time trying to wrap her head around this last week. Girlfriend. Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. She can’t get enough.

 

“I’ll remind you that you said that in a year or so when you’re begging me to propose,” Ashlyn retorts.

 

Ali’s heart starts beating faster at Ashlyn’s casual mention of marriage. It's early, much too early to even think about marriage, but the implication that it could be in their future fills Ali with warmth and excitement. Still, one step a time.

 

“I take it back,” Ali says, recovering from the slight shock. “Because I don’t want you to use that as an excuse to drag your feet when the time comes.”

 

“Who said I was planning on dragging my feet?”

 

This shuts Ali up.

 

“Is my place okay?” Ashlyn asks when they get back to Manhattan. Ali nods so Ashlyn pulls her phone out and orders a car to take them to her apartment.

 

Ali has been looking forward to this part of their date ever since she had to stop Ashlyn last weekend (and, really, she’s been thinking about this ever since they met). Even still, she’s filled with nerves as they exit the car in front of Ashlyn’s building. In fact, she hasn’t been this nervous about sleeping with someone since her first time. It’s not because she doubts her abilities but rather that she wants everything to be perfect and memorable, just like their date.

 

But then Ashlyn stumbles a bit behind her on the sidewalk and starts laughing at herself, putting Ali at ease. “Are you okay?” she asks, turning around and looking at her curiously. “What happened?”

 

“Please don’t judge me,” Ashlyn says.

 

“I won’t.”

 

“I may have been staring at your ass so hard that I tripped on that stupid part of uneven sidewalk,” Ashlyn admits. “I’m always careful when I walk by here but not tonight, apparently.”

 

“No, apparently not,” Ali says, smirking. “You were too busy ogling me.”

 

“Too busy appreciating you, more like,” Ashlyn counters. “Ogling makes it sound like I’m some creepy construction worker staring and commanding at you to smile. I was just appreciating all the hard work you do in the gym.”

 

“Smooth talker,” Ali says. “Here, take my arm so you don’t actually wipe out and we have to take a trip to urgent care.”

 

Ashlyn does as she’s told, letting Ali take the lead as they enter her apartment building.

 

There’s no one in the elevator on the way up to Ashlyn’s floor so Ali takes it as an opportunity to kiss Ashlyn deeply, even trailing her lips down to the fading, week old hickey she’d left by Ashlyn’s ear. Ashlyn responds in kind, putting her hands on Ali’s hips and turning them around so she has Ali pinned to the back wall of the elevator, taking control. When the elevator hits her floor, she briefly considers utilizing the emergency stop so they can finish what they’ve started but then she remembers Ali’s fear of elevators and decides against it. Instead, she takes Ali’s hand tightly and leads the way down the hall to her apartment, fumbling with her keys a little.

 

“Wine or bed?” Ashlyn asks when she finally gets the door open.

 

“Wine sounds nice,” Ali says. “Nothing wrong with pacing ourselves a little, right?”

 

“Nothing wrong with that at all,” Ashlyn agrees, stepping into the kitchen while Ali slips off her shows and takes settles onto the couch. She gazes at Ali on the couch while she pours their wine, thinking about how lucky she is and how she never would have anticipated ever feeling so whole after her divorce, especially not so soon after. “Two Buck Chuck okay?” She asks.

 

Ali’s laughter rings through the apartment. “If you have Two Buck Chuck anywhere in this apartment I swear I'll break up with you.”

 

“Hey, it's not that bad.”

 

“Yeah, if you're in college and can't spring for anything better.”

 

Ashlyn makes her way into the living room, passing Ali her stemless glass. “It's not actually Two Buck Chuck. To a successful second date,” she says, clinking her glass against Ali’s.

 

“And it’s still not over yet,” Ali says. “I have a feeling part two will be even better than part one.”

 

“You didn’t bring anything to stay over,” Ashlyn notes. They both know where this night is going and she fully expects to wake up to Ali’s beautiful, smiling face tomorrow morning.

 

“I didn’t want to carry around stuff all night,” Ali says. “Besides, it’s not like I’ll care tomorrow if people know I got laid. I’ll probably want to shout it from a rooftop somewhere.”

 

“We can swing by the Empire State building if you want.”

 

“Depends on how good you are,” Ali says.

 

“I’m pretty damn good,” Ashlyn promises.

 

Now Ali can’t wait any longer. Not with Ashlyn looking at her with lust filled eyes and that damn dimpled grin that drives her crazy. She sets her wine on the coffee table, Ashlyn following her lead. “You sure you’re ready?” she asks, running a lazy hand through Ashlyn’s hair.

 

“Yes,” Ashlyn breathes. She takes Ali’s hand and leads her to the bedroom, feeling very giddy over what’s about to transpire. “So beautiful,” she says, brushing Ali’s cheek with her thumb as they stand in front of her bed.

 

Ali smiles as she pulls Ashlyn to her, kissing her deeply. They pick up almost exactly where they left off last weekend, kissing passionately while their hands roam each other's bodies. Ali puts her fingers through Ashlyn’s belt loops, using the leverage to pull Ashlyn’s hips flush against her own. But even that doesn’t satisfy her for too long and she moves her hands towards Ashlyn’s zipper. She fumbles with the button on Ashlyn’s pants until she grows frustrated and Ashlyn moves to help her out. With Ashlyn’s pants pooled on the floor, Ali turns her attention to Ashlyn’s tie and shirt, making quick work of both until she’s clad in only her bra and underwear.

 

“My turn,” Ashlyn says. She reaches out and undoes the side tie on Ali’s dress while they kiss, letting the garment fall open. She helps Ali shrug out of her dress without breaking their kiss and when she finally pulls back a little and sees what Ali was wearing under the dress, she nearly blacks out. “Jesus, Al.”

 

“You like it?” Ali asks, looking down at the black lace pushup bra she’d selected specifically for this moment.

 

“You’re trying to kill me.”

 

“Only a little,” Ali replies, kissing Ashlyn softly.

 

Ashlyn stares at Ali’s chest for a moment, unable to move. She’d figured Ali was wearing a pushup bra under her low cut dress but hadn’t taken the time to consider what it would look like once she got the dress off of her. Ali is still wearing her tights and Ashlyn has a sneaking suspicion that she’s wearing panties that match her bra. She sneaks her hands into the waistband of Ali’s tights and pulls them down to the floor, helping Ali step out of them.

 

“So stunning,” Ashlyn whispers, seeing Ali standing there in just her bra and black lace thong. “Stunning and all mine.”

 

“You got that right,” Ali says. She takes Ashlyn’s hands, moving them towards her ass which she knows Ashlyn loves so much.

 

She needs more.

 

They both need more.

 

Ashlyn uses her knee to part Ali’s thighs as they kiss, moaning as Ali grinds down on it, desperate for any sort of friction. This is all the encouragement Ashlyn needs to guide Ali to the bed, gently lowering her down and climbing on top of her.

 

“Ash, please,” Ali breathes as Ashlyn begins kissing her neck. She’s loving it but it’s not enough.

 

“Patience,” Ashlyn says, kissing her way down Ali’s chest. When her lips brush the top of Ali’s bra, Ashlyn pulls back, reaching behind Ali to undo the clasps. Ali arches her back a little, giving Ashlyn the room she needs to get rid of the garment.

 

“You’re perfect,” Ashlyn says, grinning.

 

“Yours needs to go too,” Ali says. She reaches her hands up, tugging Ashlyn’s sports bra over her head before moving to rid Ashlyn of her underwear.

 

Ashlyn follows Ali’s lead, hooking her thumbs into Ali’s panties and slowly sliding them down her long muscular legs. She tosses them aside, not caring where they end up as she makes her way back up to the top of the bed, smirking as she leans down to capture Ali’s lips in a deep kiss. She moves her hands to touch Ali’s breasts, feeling Ali’s nipples harden at the attention. She kisses her way back down to Ali’s chest, taking one of Ali’s nipples into her mouth, swirling her tongue over the hardened bud.

 

“I need you,” Ali mumbles, shifting her legs uncomfortably. She’s been dreaming of this moment all week and feels as if she might burst into flames if she doesn’t get relief within the next ten minutes. “I need you, Ash, please,” she begs. Ashlyn moves to work on her other breast and Ali groans in frustration until she feels Ashlyn’s hand trace its way down her body. Ali opens her legs in anticipation, breathing a sigh huge of relief as Ashlyn’s hand finds its destination.

 

“You okay?” Ashlyn asks, stifling a laugh at how worked up Ali already is.

 

“No more talking,” Ali demands, trying to move her hips against Ashlyn’s hand.

 

Ashlyn doesn’t need to be told twice. She tugs on Ali’s nipple with her teeth as she moves her fingers, getting a feel for Ali’s body. Ali seems to be on the verge after just a few quick, firm strokes of her fingers so Ashlyn pulls her hand away for a moment, kissing down Ali’s torso. She wraps her arms around Ali’s thighs, both women moaning as she tastes her for the first time.

 

“Fuck,” Ali groans, grinding her hips against Ashlyn’s tongue. After all the teasing and building up to this moment, starting way back before they even started dating, it doesn’t take long before she comes undone with a shaky breath and Ashlyn’s name on her lips.

 

Ashlyn cleans Ali with her tongue before sliding back up to lie next to her. She traces gentle circles on Ali’s abdomen, waiting for her to recover.

 

“I can’t even be mad at you for being so sure of yourself earlier,” Ali comments, eyes still closed.

 

“I told you I’m good,” Ashlyn says, smirking. She kisses Ali on the lips, ignoring her own desires as she watches Ali in her state of post orgasm bliss.

 

“I swear I’ll be able to move eventually to return the favor,” Ali promises, finally meeting Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

“Take your time, I’m just enjoying the view. I’ve dreamed of doing that to you for months. Pretty much since that first time we went out to the bar.”

 

“It’s about time we’ve made it to this point. I don’t know about you but I’ve been imagining this since we first met,” Ali says, smiling as she leans in to kiss Ashlyn. She swings a leg over Ashlyn’s waist, straddling her as she kisses her way down to Ashlyn’s chest, nipping and sucking as she goes. She teases Ashlyn until even she can’t take the teasing anymore.

 

After so much buildup, Ashlyn is sensitive and responsive as Ali finally settles between her legs, giving her the relief she needs. Ashlyn is just about to come when Ali pauses, pulling back a little.

 

“That’s cruel,” Ashlyn whines. But then Ali enters her with two fingers, using them in tandem with her tongue to drive Ashlyn wild. It pushes Ashlyn over the edge almost instantly and she moans out Ali’s name over and over, hips bucking.

 

“Sorry, what was that about me being cruel?” Ali asks, smirking. She straddles Ashlyn’s waist again and licks her fingers clean. Ashlyn groans at the sight as her eyes nearly roll to the back of her head. “Okay, yeah, that part might have been a little cruel,” Ali laughs, seeing her girlfriend’s reaction.

 

“Like I said, you’re trying to kill me,” Ashlyn says.

 

“What are you going to do to get back at me?” Ali asks, feigning innocence.

 

“I can think of a few things,” Ashlyn says, flipping their positions so she’s hovering over Ali.

 

By the time she finally lets Ali come this time, Ali is near tears in both pleasure and frustration. Ashlyn is rather proud of herself but when Ali is too spent to move and repay the favor, she realizes that her plan backfired a little. She settles for cuddling in Ali’s arms for a few minutes, holding her girlfriend close.

 

“Tonight was everything,” Ali mumbles, on the verge of sleep.

 

“It was,” Ashlyn agrees, grinning. “And just think, we’ll get to have so many more nights like this. Now let’s go get cleaned up a little so we can fall asleep curled in each other’s arms, okay?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that one. Consider it your early valentine's day present :)


	7. damages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn deal with a crisis and face growing pains as they take the next big step in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty long chapter for you today :)

 

For months, everything goes smoothly. Ali and Ashlyn continue falling deeper and deeper in love with each passing day. They split time between their two apartments, spending four or five nights together a week. Ashlyn starts saving money for the cafe and bake shop of her dreams, which Ali fully supports. They talk about their future: where they might live (they both agree they want to live by the beach somewhere); when they might decide to move in together and take other next steps in their relationship; and how long it might be before Ashlyn can open her bakery. They meet each other’s families, who are all wholly supportive of their relationship (Ashlyn’s grandma in particular is pretty obsessed with Ali and Kyle took to Ashlyn immediately, which were their respective toughest tests), making everything feel that much more official.

 

Everything goes smoothly until it doesn’t.

 

Ashlyn hears about it on the news first. Maybe if she’d been paying more attention to the sirens in the area she would’ve realized what was happening sooner. But sirens are a part of living in New York so she doesn’t think anything of them.

 

She’s making dinner and waiting for Ali to come over while the news plays in the background. It’s just background noise, something to fill the silence until Ali arrives and the TV is completely forgotten. She’s not really paying attention until she hears the news anchor say the name of Ali’s apartment building.

 

She immediately drops what she’s doing. She moves into the living room and stands with her hands on her hips as she listens to the news report.

 

“The fire broke out around 5:30 this evening on the 12th floor,” the news anchor reports. “Firefighters are still working to put out the blaze. They are in the process of accounting for all residents. Some residents have been taken to the hospital with injury and smoke inhalation.”

 

Ashlyn stands there, unable to move as she processes what she’s just heard.

 

A fire.

 

Ali’s building.

 

Ali’s floor, even.

 

Not all residents accounted for.

 

Ashlyn runs back into the kitchen to retrieve her phone, her hands shaking as she unlocks it and dials Ali’s number. “Please, please, please,” she pleads. “Pick up, Ali, pick up.” Ali’s phone rings and rings until it finally goes to voicemail and Ashlyn has to resist the urge to throw her phone against the wall. She feels like she’s going to be sick, horrible images of what might have happened flooding through her mind.

 

With nothing else to do, she pockets her phone, turns the stove off, grabs her keys and wallet, and slips shoes on before making her way out the door. She jogs the five blocks to Ali’s apartment, cursing every time she has to wait for traffic at an intersection.

 

When Ali’s building comes into sight, Ashlyn breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that the fire is now out. The damage is clear, though, and there are crowds of panicked people and pets all around the scene. Firetrucks and other emergency vehicles surround the scene, their lights casting different color glows over the already chaotic scene.

 

“Ali!” She calls, scanning the crowd. Her attempt is futile. There’s so much chaos and noise surrounding her that unless Ali was within a few feet of her, there’s no way she would hear Ashlyn calling her name. So Ashlyn starts making her way through the crowd, jumping every so often in an effort to see over people’s heads.

 

The longer she goes without spotting her girlfriend, the more she begins to worry, feeling like her knees are going to buckle out from under her.

 

She worries that Ali was one of the injured and taken to the hospital. Worse, she worries that Ali didn’t make it out.

 

She tries Ali’s number again, but it goes right to voicemail. “Fuck,” she mutters, putting her phone back in her pocket. She begins roaming the crowd again, desperately searching for her girlfriend amongst all the people.

 

It’s not until she’s nearly all the way through the crowd of people that she finally spots Ali’s high bun. She has her back to Ashlyn and she’s standing near a fire truck, clearly being checked for injury.

 

“Thank God,” Ashlyn says. She lets out a breath, feeling like she can breathe for the first time since she heard the news report. She knows it has been less than an hour since she first heard the report but it feels like it’s been much, much longer than that. With the worry of losing her girlfriend, her best friend and partner, every minute that ticked by felt like an eternity. She moves through the last people in her way until she’s finally by her girlfriend’s side. “Ali,” she says, getting the other woman’s attention.

 

“Ashlyn,” Ali breathes, smiling for the first time since she heard the fire alarms. She turns away from the firefighter, collapsing into her girlfriend’s strong arms. “I wanted to call but I left my phone inside,” she says, nuzzling into Ashlyn’s chest.

 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Ashlyn says. “She is okay, right?” she asks, turning towards the firefighter who was just examining Ali for injury.

 

“She’s okay,” he confirms, leaving the two women alone so he can attend to other people.

 

“What happened?” Ashlyn questions. She moves back a little so she can meet Ali’s eyes, studying the brown irises that have become an emotional home to her in the months since they started dating.

 

“We don’t know yet but the fire started a few apartments down from mine. As soon as I peeked out of my door, I saw the smoke so I put on my shoes and grabbed my purse which, luckily, was just inside the door. I was about to take the stairwell down but you know that old lady that lives across the hall?”

 

“Crotchety Connie?” Ashlyn questions, having experienced several run ins with the grumpy old woman.

 

“Yeah, Connie,” Ali says. “I wanted to make sure she got out safely so I pretty much beat down her door. I think she didn’t realize the alarms were going off so it was a good thing I did that. I helped her get downstairs. I feel fine but they wanted to make sure I didn’t inhale too much smoke because the fire started on my floor. I think they took Connie to the hospital.”

 

“That was very selfless of you,” Ashlyn says, kissing Ali’s forehead.

 

“It was so scary, I didn’t know what to do or what I would have time to grab,” Ali says, leaning back to Ashlyn’s chest. Now that Ashlyn is here, she finally allows herself to cry, sobbing into Ashlyn’s t-shirt.

 

Ashlyn cries with Ali, her own emotions finally catching up to her. There’s never a way to plan for something like this, no way to know how to react when you hear on the news that a fire started on your girlfriend’s floor and that not all residents have been accounted for. Her mind instantly went to worst case scenario and Ali’s phone going to voicemail only added to those fears. Now that Ali is safely in her arms, she never wants to let go.

 

“I love you, Ali. I love you so much and I’m glad you’re okay,” Ashlyn says, still trying to get her emotions under control. “You had me so scared, baby.”

 

“How did you know about the fire?” Ali asks, sniffling as she meets Ashlyn’s eyes.

 

“It was on the evening news,” Ashlyn says. “I heard them say your building then they said it started on your floor and that some residents were taken to the hospital and not everyone was accounted for. I tried to call but you didn’t have your phone.”

 

“Ash, I’m so sorry, you must have been so worried,” Ali says, kissing Ashlyn’s cheek. They turn back around, taking in the sight of her building. “What the fuck do I do now?”

 

“I don’t know,” Ashlyn says. The lower floors of the building look okay but unfortunately, the fire started on Ali’s floor so the top half of the building does not look good.

 

“Can I stay with you?” Ali questions, her voice wavering. “I don’t have to if you don’t want. I could stay with Liz.”

 

“Alexandra,” Ashlyn says, gently grabbing Ali’s shoulders. “You’re not staying with Liz. You’re staying with me for as long as you need, do you understand? I’m not letting you out of my sight tonight or anytime soon, for that matter.”

 

“Okay,” Ali says, checking that issue off of her mental list. “They said it’ll take a few days but they’ll call us if there’s anything salvageable. It’s unlikely that anyone from the upper floors will be able to get back in to check our belongings so they’ll call as soon as they know.” After the overwhelming feeling of helplessness of the last few hours, making plans to move forward feels like the best thing to do. She doesn’t yet know the status of her belongings but there is no sense in dwelling on a fate that has already been determined. Whether she has everything left or nothing left, she can’t change the outcome so she focuses on the things she does have control over.

 

“Well,” Ashlyn begins, “you have enough clothes at my place for a while so that will be okay until we know what’s left.” She squeezes Ali’s hand, trying to give her strength. “You were due for a phone upgrade anyway, right?”

 

“I think so,” Ali answers. “I have a backup of my data on my--well, I guess I don’t have my laptop anymore.”

 

“You left your laptop at my place when you left for work this morning, remember? So you have that and you have your purse. We can go get you a new phone tomorrow morning. It’s going to be okay.”

 

“I love you, Ash,” Ali says. “Thank you for being here for me.”

 

“I love you too,” Ashlyn replies, holding Ali’s hand as they start walking towards her place. “Thank you for being okay.”

 

Ali collapses onto Ashlyn’s couch, emotionally spent, as soon as they walk through the door. She tries not to think too much about the damage to her apartment. She has her purse and her laptop (thankfully) was still at Ashlyn’s place from when she stayed the night, so at least she has those important items. Suddenly realizing that Liz might have heard about the fire too, she slides her laptop closer to her on the coffee table and opens it up to text Liz.

 

Liz was in the zone working on a new painting so she hadn’t yet heard about the fire but appreciates the update and that Ali is safe at Ashlyn’s place nonetheless. Ali briefly considers calling her mom after texting Liz but decides that it can wait until tomorrow, too exhausted to tell the whole story again.

 

“Dinner’s ready,” Ashlyn announces.

 

Ali joins Ashlyn at the table, sighing as she sits down. It’s much later than they usually eat dinner and she hadn’t realized just how hungry she was until this moment. “What a day,” she says, digging into her spaghetti. “Like this morning my biggest concern was whether or not I should take my laptop in my work bag or leave it here. And now--” she trails off, the dismayed shake of her head finishing her sentence.

 

“Good thing you left it,” Ashlyn says. She has her own worries about this whole evening but knows Ali needs to talk through everything first.

 

“Exactly. Just like I’m glad that I’ve been wearing my grandma’s old necklace this week,” Ali says, pulling the necklace from under her shirt. “It’s one of the few things that I could never replace because it’s so sentimental.”

 

“Do you think the rest of your stuff is okay?” Ashlyn asks.

 

Ali shakes her head. Given the fact that the fire started a few apartments down the hall and it took the fire department nearly an hour to put it out, she feels pretty confident in assuming that most if not all of her stuff is destroyed.

 

“Ugh, I’m sorry, babe,” Ashlyn says.

 

“It’s fine,” Ali replies. “I’m okay and I can replace pretty much whatever I’ve lost. I just hate not knowing if anything is left. I hate not knowing when or if I’ll be able to stay at my apartment again.”

 

“Well no matter what you know you have a home here with me,” Ashlyn says.

 

Ali moves from her chair, grabbing Ashlyn’s face in her hands and kissing her softly. She loves this woman and her continual support in all areas in life means everything to her. Her support is more important now than ever. “I appreciate you and I love you.”

 

Ashlyn takes Ali onto her lap, wrapping her arms around her waist. “That’s good because I appreciate you and I love you too.” She’s quiet for a moment, realizing for the first time that Ali’s hair and clothes smell like smoke. “Selfishly, I’m kind of going to like coming home to you every day until you can get back into your place.”

 

Ali hums, thinking about that little perk of this whole thing. “I guess I won’t mind that too much either,” she says. “But I’m sure as soon as I can stay at my apartment again you’ll be so ready to get rid of me.”

 

“Not a chance,” Ashlyn replies. “I’ll probably be begging you not to go.” They’ve been dating for over five months now and she’s been thinking about them living together a lot recently. This is definitely not how she wanted it to happen but since Ali can’t stay at her place for a while, it might be a good trial run in cohabitation.

 

“Will you shower with me?” Ali asks as they clean up from dinner. “I smell like smoke.”

 

“You ask that as if I wouldn’t jump at the chance to shower with you.”

 

Ali rolls her eyes. “I just wanted to make sure you know that I really do just need to wash my hair.”

 

“I’m more than happy to help you with that. We don’t have to do anything else.” As much as Ashlyn loves showering together when they do get a little frisky, it also feels good to simply hold each other close under the water, washing away the stress of the day. She washes Ali’s hair for her, even doing two rounds of shampoo to ensure the smell is gone.

 

“I love this,” Ali hums as Ashlyn rinses her hair. She turns around, standing on her toes as she wraps her arms around Ashlyn’s neck and kisses her. “I can’t imagine a better end to such a shitty day.”

 

“Glad to be of service,” Ashlyn says, kissing Ali back. “Let’s get to bed, okay? I think we can both use a good night’s sleep.”

 

~

 

Ali doesn’t get the call about her belongings for three days. Three days that she spends making futile attempts to take her mind off of everything. She’s just finished her last showing of the day and returned to Ashlyn’s apartment when the call from her landlord comes and she wishes more than anything that Ashlyn wasn’t at work and was home to support her. The news is as expected: Ali’s entire living room, kitchen, and bathroom were destroyed in the blaze. Some stuff in her bedroom survived, including her wall mounted jewelry box and nearly everything in her closet. Her dresser was completely destroyed but she at least has some clothes left as well as an entire tote full of shoes. All in all, it could have been a lot worse.

 

No timeline has been set for when residents might be able to move back in but her landlord estimates that it will be at least August and perhaps as late as December before repairs are complete.

 

As soon as she and her landlord schedule a time to pick up her belongings, she calls Ashlyn to tell her the news.

 

“Hey, you done with your showing?” Ashlyn questions.

 

“Yeah, they're gonna take it,” Ali replies. “I actually just got a call from my landlord and, well, I hope you like having me around.”

 

“I love having you around, you know that. Did they say how long?”

 

“August at the earliest but possibly closer to Christmas.”

 

“Wow, it's a good thing you have a wonderful girlfriend you can live with.”

 

“Good thing,” Ali laughs.

 

“Was there anything left?”

 

“My jewelry box and a lot of stuff in my closet. So make room for my shoes. My dresser was destroyed so I definitely need to get new t shirts and things like that. And new underwear because I do not have enough at your place.”

 

“I can help with that,” Ashlyn volunteers quickly, eliciting a laugh from Ali.

 

“Can you meet me at my building when you get off tonight? I told my landlord I’d come pick up my stuff this evening. Then maybe if you’re good you can come shopping with me this weekend and pick out a few pairs of whatever tiny panties catch your eye.”

 

“Do the ones made of candy count?” Ashlyn questions.

 

Ali is glad Ashlyn can’t see her blush over the phone. “I’m sure we can work something out,” she says, giggling at Ashlyn’s excited whoop on the other line. “Now that you’re left with that image, I love you and I’ll see you later.”

 

It isn’t until Ali meets with her landlord that she realizes how little was salvaged from her apartment. Her jewelry box sits atop her storage tote full of shoes and there’s a large cardboard box sitting nearby that has her apartment number written on it in black sharpie. She looks to see if she can spot something else with her apartment on it but there’s nothing.

 

“Is that it?” she questions, choking back sudden tears.

 

“Unfortunately, yes,” her landlord replies.

 

Ali nods, not trusting herself to use words at the moment.

 

Ashlyn grabs the cardboard box, which looks to be a little more difficult to carry than the storage tote, which Ali lifts with the jewelry box still sitting on top. They only make it as far as the curb outside before Ashlyn sets the box down. “I’ll get us a cab, okay?”

 

“That’s fine,” Ali replies. She probably could carry the tote all the way back to Ashlyn’s  apartment but she definitely doesn’t want to walk all that way with the knowledge that they’re actually carrying all of her belongings in their hands.

 

She starts going through the boxes as soon as they get back home in the hopes that it looks like less than it actually is.

 

It’s not.

 

There’s not a lot there and all of it smells strongly of smoke.

 

“Al,” Ashlyn says gently. “Talk to me.”

 

“I can’t believe this is all that’s left,” Ali says, speaking for the first time since they picked it up. She shakes her head in disbelief.

 

“We’ll replace everything,” Ashlyn says, rubbing Ali’s back.

 

“We can’t replace everything,” Ali snaps. “What about my favorite shirts I’ve had for years that they don’t make anymore? What about the souvenirs I’ve bought while traveling? They’re all gone.”

 

“I know it’s hard but it is just stuff, Ali,” Ashlyn says. “You’ll find new favorite shirts and I’m sure we’ll travel plenty and you’ll start a new collection of souvenirs. What’s important is that you’re okay and you have a place to live with me.”

 

“I know it’s just stuff but it was _my_ stuff, some of which was very sentimental. And now I’ll have to replace everything. I’ll need all new kitchen stuff and a new couch and a bed and everything else. That’s a lot, Ashlyn.”

 

“Come here,” Ashlyn says gently. She pulls Ali close, running a hand through her hair. “I know it’s a lot and I know you’re stressed. I’m not telling you that you can’t feel that way. I’m just trying to give a little perspective, okay? You can live here as long as you need and when the time comes, I’ll help you start over just like you helped me start over. I know it’s not the same at all but I left a lot of those same things with Cass, remember? I didn’t have anything for my kitchen or living room and you helped me. So now it’s my turn to help you. Hell, you never even have to move back there if you don’t want. You can live with me. We’re heading that way anyway, right? And you already hand picked a lot of stuff in this apartment so why not enjoy it?”

 

“Are you asking me to move in or are you telling me it’s an option?” Ali questions, meeting her girlfriend’s eyes.

 

“I think I’m asking you to move in,” Ashlyn says, grinning. “I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go after living together for the next few months.”

 

Ali pulls away from Ashlyn, looking around the apartment. She knows her touches are all over this place from the lamp that she loved but Ashlyn took some convincing to the tableware because Ashlyn got distracted by the knives at Bed Bath & Beyond and left Ali to pick out the dishes, trusting her opinion although they’d only known each other for a few weeks.

 

“Who’d have thought this apartment would be a starting over place for both of us?”

 

“Is that a yes?” Ashlyn asks, grinning.

 

“Absolutely,” Ali replies. She puts her hands on Ashlyn’s waist, pulling her in for a celebratory kiss, feeling like a massive weight has been lifted off of her shoulders. She still feels the loss of her more sentimental possessions but at least she doesn’t have to worry about replacing the big, expensive items anymore. The situation may not be ideal but it has pushed her and Ashlyn to take the next big step in their relationship and Ali would never complain about that.

 

~

 

Living together is an adjustment. It's always an adjustment the first few months of living with someone but when the move happens suddenly and without any planning, it's even more difficult.

 

Ashlyn has a bad habit of dropping her wet towels wherever she feels like. Ali sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom so more often than not, Ashlyn’s towels end up on Ali’s side of the bed, leaving uncomfortable wet spots. Ali ignores it for the first month or so, simply thankful that she has a place to live after the fire. But as time goes on, she gets more comfortable in thinking that the apartment is theirs equally and she can no longer let it slide.

 

She’s nice about asking Ashlyn to not leave her towels there the first few times she says something but when she gets into bed after a long day and her side of the bed is wet, she doesn’t feel like being nice about it anymore.

 

“Did you leave a towel on my side again?” she demands, shifting uncomfortably.

 

“Sorry, I forgot,” Ashlyn says, not meeting her eyes.

 

“It’s the _easiest_ thing to remember,” Ali says, getting out of bed. Ashlyn had showered that night while Ali was on the phone with Kyle and it feels like Ashlyn moved her towel just seconds before Ali came to bed. “How am I supposed to sleep when my side of the bed is soaking wet?”

 

“You don’t seem to mind when it’s wet after we’ve had sex and, ironically, forgot to put a towel down,” Ashlyn says, trying to lighten the mood.

 

Ali narrows her eyes, grabbing her pillow roughly. “Not funny.”

 

“I thought it was good,” Ashlyn mumbles, watching as Ali walks out to sleep in the living room.

 

“Keep digging yourself a bigger hole,” Ali retorts. She’s about to close the bedroom door behind her when she gets a second wind. “All I’m asking is for a little consideration for me, okay? This is my apartment too now and I don’t want wet towels left on my side of the bed. Leave them on your side if you can’t remember something as simple as hanging it up in the bathroom. And for fuck’s sake, don’t leave them on the wooden chair in the corner, you’re warping the wood.”

 

Ashlyn buries her face in her pillow, muffling her frustrated groan. It’s not like she intended to leave the towel on Ali’s side of the bed but Ali had called her from the living room to say hi to Kyle and Luna on FaceTime and she’d forgotten about the towel until they decided to go to bed. She knows it’s a bad habit she needs to break (and she has been working on it) but she hadn’t expected Ali to get so angry about it. To her, it’s simple forgetfulness but clearly Ali takes it as a slight that Ashlyn doesn’t respect her of think of it as her apartment too, neither of which could be farther from the truth.

 

She doesn’t sleep well that night, feeling guilty about the fight. She gets out of bed early the next morning, working quietly in the kitchen to make strawberry banana french toast and bacon, one of Ali’s favorite breakfasts. She pours two cups of coffee and gets the table set before she finally goes to the couch, gently shaking Ali awake.

 

“Breakfast is ready.”

 

“Trying to kiss up after last night?” Ali asks, clearly still annoyed.

 

“Trying to make up for last night and every time before that,” Ashlyn says. “Come on, it’s gonna get cold.”

 

Ali reluctantly complies but only because she’s hungry and Ashlyn seems genuinely sorry. “You do know the way to my heart,” she says upon seeing what Ashlyn made.

 

They eat in silence for a while, enjoying their breakfast and sipping their coffee.

 

“I never meant to make it seem like I don’t respect you or that this is your place too,” Ashlyn finally says. “There’s no excuse. It’s just a bad habit I fell into when I first moved in.”

 

“I know,” Ali replies. “I know you would never mean that but I’m just getting settled in here and that’s what it felt like. But, seriously, it’s not that hard to remember.”

 

“I’ll be better, I promise.”

 

~

 

Ashlyn is true to her word but their growing pains are not quite over yet. Making space for what’s left of Ali’s things is easy enough but as Ali continues to accumulate new items, it becomes more and more difficult to find room for their combined wardrobe.

 

“Can’t you get rid of stuff?” Ali asks one day, trying to hang her recently purchased clothes in the already over stuffed closet.

 

“I did get rid of stuff,” Ashlyn reasons. “Everything that’s left is stuff I wanted to keep.”

 

“Lucky you, I didn’t get the luxury of deciding what I wanted to keep or get rid of.”

 

“That was a little unnecessary,” Ashlyn says, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

 

“I’m just saying.”

 

Now Ashlyn does roll her eyes. “And I’m just saying that I don’t like it when you say shit like that. It makes it sound like you resent the fact that it was your place that caught fire and not mine.”

 

Ali pauses what she’s doing as she meets Ashlyn’s eyes. “You know I would never think like that.”

 

“I know,” Ashlyn confirms. “But that’s how it comes across.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Ali says. She crosses the room, giving Ashlyn a quick, gentle kiss. When she returns to the task of putting her clothes away, she finally gives up on her endeavor to hang her new clothes and instead turns to the dresser and finds more of the same. “That’s it, we’re going to Ikea this weekend. We need two tall and skinny dressers instead of this short and wide one and we can get something to put in the living room to hang things in.”

 

“Works for me,” Ashlyn replies, shrugging. “Now will you come cuddle with me and relax?”

 

They spend Saturday afternoon shopping at Ikea, selecting matching dressers and a wardrobe that will look nice with their existing furniture. They end up selling their old dresser to their downstairs neighbors after posting a flyer by the mailboxes so they have room for their new dressers.

 

Since they have matching dressers, Ali decides to make a friendly competition out of who can put it together the fastest.

 

“What’s our wager gonna be?” Ashlyn asks, playing along with Ali’s grand plan.

 

“Winner gets to plan what we do for our anniversary in a few months. Loser has to build the wardrobe.” She's had a tentative plan for the last few weeks and as long as she can win the bet, it’ll be the perfect way to celebrate one year together.

 

“But I already had an idea in mind,” Ashlyn protests.

 

“Well, I guess you better win then,” Ali replies, shrugging. “No cheating by watching videos on how to build it. We can only use the included instructions.”

 

“No trying to distract the other somehow,” Ashlyn adds, knowing that it’s something Ali would do. It would be such an Ali move to text Ashlyn sexy pictures of herself or have Whitney or someone else call Ashlyn, distracting her while Ali continues to work unimpeded.

 

There’s not enough room to work simultaneously in the bedroom so Ashlyn leaves Ali to work in there while she moves the couch out of the way in the living room, figuring she can build everything out there and move it into the bedroom before putting the drawers in.

 

Ashlyn works as quickly as she possibly can, determined to win the bet. She’s on a decent roll when she misses a crucial step, which she only realizes after she completes a few of the subsequent steps. She tries to rectify her mistake quickly but she has to backtrack and wastes precious time in the process.

 

When she finishes building all the parts, Ali is still quiet in the bedroom and Ashlyn is certain that she’s won. Ali would never miss an opportunity to gloat so if she’s quiet, she must not be done yet. Without the drawers, the dresser is light enough for Ashlyn to move by herself so she scoots it into the bedroom, feeling very confident. When she sees Ali painting her nails on their bed over one of the empty boxes, her dresser standing complete in its spot, Ashlyn lets out a frustrated groan.

 

“No fucking way,” she exclaims. “No fucking way.”

 

Ali presses the home button on her phone, checking the stopwatch she’d set when she finished. “Twenty four minutes thirty five seconds,” she says, grinning. “Look, I already had time to paint my toes,” she adds, wiggling her toes for emphasis.

 

“Did you have a fucking carpenter come in through the window or something?” Ashlyn questions in disbelief. She actually looks around the room for signs that someone else was here to help Ali.

 

“No, I followed the instructions to a t. I was kind of banking on you getting ahead of yourself and screwing up somewhere along the way. Slow and steady, baby, slow and steady.”

 

“You are something else,” Ashlyn says. She returns to the living room, carrying the drawers in and sliding them into her dresser. “So you get to plan our anniversary,” she says, joining Ali in bed.

 

“Yep,” Ali replies. “Take October 27th to November 5th off of work, please.”

 

Ashlyn gasps, glaring at Ali. “I played right into your plan, didn’t I?” She should've know this was in the cards from the moment Ali suggested a bet. Hell, she wouldn't be surprised if this was in the works from the moment Ali moved in. She's been bamboozled and Ali couldn't be more blasé about it as she sits there painting her nails.

 

“Yep,” Ali says, kissing Ashlyn. “You’re so easy to trick.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still enjoying this? The feedback has kind of tapered off in the last few chapters so I hope you're all still liking this story. 
> 
> We're a little over halfway through now but I do have ideas for some follow up fics so if you want to see this universe continue beyond this story, let me know so I can get the follow up fics typed out and ready to go :)


	8. finally got it all right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn celebrate their anniversary and talk about their future

 

Ali won’t tell Ashlyn where they’re going for their anniversary until Ashlyn’s birthday, just over a week before they’re set to leave. When she started planning for the trip late in the summer, she realized that it was getting pretty expensive so she decided to make it a combined birthday and anniversary gift for Ashlyn. With this in mind, she scheduled the trip to take place right in between the two dates. They’ve just arrived back home after Ashlyn’s birthday dinner when she hands her an envelope containing their flight confirmation.

 

“The last time a beautiful woman handed me a manila envelope it had divorce papers in it,” Ashlyn jokes, eliciting a laugh from Ali. She unwinds the thin string, opening the envelope and pulling out a stack of papers. “Oh my god,” she exclaims. “We’re going to Hawaii?”

 

“For your birthday and our anniversary,” Ali explains, grinning. She’s been planning this surprise for a while and she’s happy to now see how excited Ashlyn is. There were quite a few times over recent weeks and months when she was certain that Ashlyn caught enough of a glimpse of her laptop screen to see where they were going but her excitement tells Ali that this comes as a complete surprise.

 

“So this is why you made that bet,” Ashlyn says, piecing everything together. “I’m still not convinced that you didn’t cheat somehow.”

 

“How could I have cheated? I had the same instructions as you and we started at the same time. I told you, I figured you’d miss a step somewhere.”

 

“Well, as far as hustles go, this was a pretty good one.” She pulls Ali down onto her lap, putting her hand on the base of Ali’s neck as she kisses her deeply. “I can’t wait to spend ten days on the beach with you. That is, if we ever decide to leave our hotel room.”

 

“Don’t forget exploring,” Ali says. “I have a bit of an itinerary planned.”

 

Ashlyn rolls her eyes. Of course Ali planned things down to the minute. “Did you leave time to spend in the room? It is my birthday trip, after all.”

 

“Duh,” Ali says, kissing Ashlyn again. “I didn’t plan that many things, just a few. We can decide what else we want to do when we get there. Trust me, I plan on spending a good chunk of time in our room.”

 

She almost tells Ashlyn about the new lingerie she has hidden in the bottom of her suitcase to leave her with that mental image for the week until they leave but decides that she wants to keep it a surprise until they get there. Besides, Ashlyn had kind of picked out the bodysuit herself when they went to Victoria’s Secret after the fire. Ashlyn was nearly drooling at this particular red lace bodysuit on a mannequin. Ali tugged her away and pretended she didn’t like it, distracting Ashlyn by asking her to help look for day to day panties in her size. Ali saw the garment again when she went shopping for this trip and knew she had to buy it.

 

“Well, whatever we do, I know it’ll be an amazing trip. Thank you,” Ashlyn says.

 

~

 

After a full day of flying and long layovers and a short car ride from the airport, they finally arrive at their hotel in Waikiki at one in the morning.

 

“I want to sleep for seven years,” Ashlyn groans as soon as they walk in the door. She only bothers to kick her shoes off before she flops down on the soft hotel bed. Although it’s only one in the morning in Hawaii, Ashlyn is still on New York time and she’s been up for almost 24 hours.

 

“We have about seven hours,” Ali replies, dropping next to Ashlyn on the bed, not even caring that they’re not on their typical sides of the bed. Any other time it might feel awkward for their positions to be flipped but right now, all she cares about is sleep. She’s so tired that she doesn’t want to move to set her phone alarm but she knows they’ll continue sleeping and waste the day if there’s nothing to wake them up. She sets her alarm for eight in the morning, figuring it’s best to get on a normal sleep schedule as soon as possible.

 

They fall asleep on top of the covers, too exhausted to move. When Ali’s alarm goes off in the morning, they both groan.

 

“Turn it off,” Ashlyn grumbles. She pulls the pillow over her head, doing anything she can to block out the noise of Ali’s alarm and the sunlight streaming in through the curtains.

 

“We have to get up,” Ali replies, though she’s not quite convinced of that statement herself. “Come on, we’re in Hawaii, the least we can do it put bathing suits on and go sleep on the beach.”

 

“Now you’re talking,” Ashlyn mumbles, rolling over to face Ali. “Okay, fine, let’s get this vacation started.”

 

Their hotel is right on the water so as soon as they’re ready, they walk down and find a good place to set up camp on the beach.

 

“I have quite the view,” Ashlyn quips from behind Ali as Ali bends down to straighten their towels. She knows she should be enjoying the other view, the one that doesn't go home with her every night, but she just can't help herself. She's far too enamored with her girlfriend.

 

“Are you staring at my ass?”

 

“Yep,” Ashlyn replies, not a hint of embarrassment as she stares at Ali. “I have the best view in the entire world from right here. Super hot girlfriend and the ocean, what could be better?”

 

Ali doesn’t reply, instead wiggling her ass a little as she gets their second towel situated. It’s enough to make Ashlyn’s mouth water and she briefly considers packing their stuff back up and going back to their room. Unable to resist, she hugs Ali from behind as soon as Ali stands back up.

 

“Have I thanked you for this trip yet?” Ashlyn asks, pressing a gentle kiss to Ali’s exposed shoulder.

 

“About a million times,” Ali answers. “But by all means, keep going.”

 

They stand in the same position for a minute, holding each other and looking out at the waves crashing to the shore. It’s still early so there aren’t too many people around but they’re so in their own world, they wouldn’t notice if the beach was packed with people. Life in New York is always so busy and chaotic so this is the perfect way for them to unwind. It reminds Ashlyn of her childhood a little and makes her realize just how much she misses peaceful, lazy days by the beach.

 

“Whatcha thinking?” Ali asks, spinning around in Ashlyn’s arms.

 

“Just how lucky I am,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. “You know, the usual.”

 

Ali smiles, kissing Ashlyn on the cheek. She finally, reluctantly moves out of Ashlyn’s embrace and gets situated on her towel. She cracks open her book while Ashlyn watches the surfers out in the water, making comments every so often about the action.

 

“Go rent a board and join them,” Ali suggests, lifting her sunglasses from her eyes and looking over at Ashlyn.

 

“I’m here with you.”

 

“I know but I’m reading and you would probably rather be out there anyway. It’s both of our vacation so we should spend it the way we want. Plus, it’s super hot when I get to watch you surf,” Ali replies, smirking. The first time she’d seen Ashlyn surf was when they went back to Ashlyn’s hometown for her grandparents’ anniversary party earlier in the year. She’s never really liked surfing herself so after trying for a little while, she returned to the beach and watched Ashlyn surf with her brother and cousins. By the time they were done, Ali was so turned on that she practically dragged Ashlyn back to the house to have her way with her.

 

“Well, in that case,” Ashlyn replies, standing. “Flag me down or something when you’re ready to head back to the room.”

 

Ali alternates between reading and watching Ashlyn for over an hour until her book lays forgotten on Ashlyn’s towel. She continues watching Ashlyn for a few minutes before making her way down to the edge of the water. Ashlyn spots her almost immediately and rides one last wave to the shore.

 

“How’d I look?” Ashlyn asks, leaning in for a kiss.

 

“Great; you kept distracting me from my book. Go turn that board back in so we can go upstairs.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Ashlyn replies, kissing Ali again.

 

Ashlyn does as she’s told while Ali packs up their things, meeting her at the board rental stand when she’s done. They walk hand in hand back up to their room, chatting the whole way about the surf and Ali’s book. As soon as they’re alone, however, the mood changes instantly as Ali drops their stuff inside the door and pins Ashlyn up against the wall.

 

“Whoa,” Ashlyn says, taken by surprise. “Shit, we definitely need to live by the water if you’re going to react like this every time I surf.”

 

Ali shushes Ashlyn as she connects their lips and kisses Ashlyn deeply. She tangles her hands in Ashlyn’s damp hair, using the leverage to pull Ashlyn closer to her. She gently uses her knee to part Ashlyn’s legs a little, smirking as her girlfriend grinds down a little. Without breaking the kiss, she hooks her thumbs into Ashlyn’s board shorts and pulls them down Ashlyn’s legs. She starts kissing her way down Ashlyn’s body, tasting the salt water on her skin.

 

“Come on, let’s go rinse off,” Ashlyn says, pulling Ali back up to eye level before she can get too far. She leads Ali into the bathroom, stripping her bathing suit top before moving to untie Ali’s bikini. She makes slow work of helping Ali out of her bottoms, enjoying how frustrated her girlfriend is getting. “So impatient,” she says, kissing Ali’s neck.

 

“Can you blame me?” Ali asks, taking Ashlyn’s hand and dragging her into the shower. She turns the water on, pushing Ashlyn underneath the stream. Ali kisses Ashlyn under the water for a few minutes, running her hands over Ashlyn’s body, rinsing her skin of the last traces of saltwater. She trails kisses down to Ashlyn’s chest, alternating between nipples as she uses her hand to part Ashlyn’s thighs.

 

“So good,” Ashlyn moans, propping her foot up on the ledge of the tub, giving Ali room to work. “Right there, Ali.”

 

Ali grins at Ashlyn’s encouragement as she swirls her tongue around one nipple, wrapping her free hand around Ashlyn’s waist to keep her in place as she drives her fingers into her. If she weren’t so turned on herself, she would probably tease Ashlyn a little more by driving her to the brink only to pull back for a second. But she just spent the better part of the morning being incredibly turned on as she watched Ashlyn surf and needs her own relief as soon as possible. So she keeps moving and when she knows Ashlyn is getting close, she drives the heel of her palm closer. The result is instantaneous, Ashlyn’s legs shaking as she comes.

 

“Need me to hold you up?” Ali quips, eliciting a laugh from Ashlyn.

 

“If I weren’t so blissed out right now, I’d have a retort to that,” Ashlyn replies.

 

“She’s speechless for the first time ever, I can’t believe it,” Ali exclaims, pulling Ashlyn’s body flush against her in a hug.

 

“Keep up the sass and I won’t be returning the favor anytime soon.”

 

Ali makes a motion like she’s zipping her lips.

 

“That tiny bikini of yours was driving me nuts today,” Ashlyn says, backing Ali up until she’s pressed against the shower wall. “Actually, it’s been driving me nuts since I saw you pack it because I kept imagining how it would look on you.”

 

“Wait until you see what else I packed,” Ali says, wagging her eyebrows.

 

Ashlyn smiles. This woman is too much. She’s never quite sure what she did to deserve someone like Ali and she thinks about how lucky she is every single day. She kisses Ali--slowly at first but then more fervid as she attempts to convey everything she’s feeling through their kiss. When the need to taste Ali becomes too great, she turns around to shut the water off, taking Ali’s hand as she steps out of the shower. She leads her right down to the bed, helping lower Ali down onto her back.

 

“You are stunning,” she says, kissing her way down Ali’s body. “I am so in love with you.”

 

“Ash, please,” Ali says, writhing underneath her.

 

Ashlyn kisses the rest of the way down Ali’s torso, teasing Ali a little by kissing the inside of her thighs first before moving towards where Ali really wants her. She’s gentle at first, which Ali seems to enjoy, but after a while, it’s not enough and Ali tangles her hands in Ashlyn’s hair, pulling her closer. That’s all the hint Ashlyn needs to be a little more forceful with her tongue, eliciting longer and louder moans from her girlfriend. After a few minutes, Ali comes suddenly, finally loosening her grip on Ashlyn’s hair. Ashlyn places gentle, loving kisses all over Ali’s body as she scoots her way back up the bed, finally kissing her on the mouth again.

 

“Happy anniversary,” Ashlyn says, gently brushing Ali’s wet hair away from her face.

 

“Thank you,” Ali grins. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Our vacation is off to a pretty good start, don’t you think?”

 

“And we haven’t even gone exploring yet,” Ali replies, lazily tracing the lines of Ashlyn’s tattoos.

 

“I just did plenty of exploring, thank you very much,” Ashlyn quips. “What more exploring could one need? Peaks and valleys and a breathtaking view.”

 

Ali hums, snuggling closer to Ashlyn’s chest. She’s still pretty exhausted from their full travel day so she drifts off to sleep easily in her girlfriend’s arms. She wakes up a few hours later feeling much more refreshed but in need of lunch. Ashlyn is just waking up as well, giving Ali a sleepy smile.

 

“Room service or hotel restaurant?” Ali questions.

 

“Room service now, restaurant for dinner.”

 

They chat as they eat in bed, discussing their plans for the next few days. Ali has already booked a few things (including a two night jaunt to Kauai), but the rest of their trip is wide open. Ashlyn’s main request is to make a trip and hour north to Waimea Bay, a legendary surf spot while Ali’s main request is that they go to the Nature Preserve for snorkeling in Hanauma Bay. Ali is also adamant that they go hiking on their trip, which is part of the reason why she’d added the mini trip to Kauai.   

 

They manage to check almost everything off of their must do list after their lazy first day spent on the beach and in bed. Ashlyn tries to get out of hiking in Kauai, suggesting that they do other things instead every time Ali mentions it. But Ali is adamant on going hiking at least once (they can’t let the hiking boots Ashlyn purchased for the trip go to waste, after all) so on their last full day in Hawaii, they get up early and lace up their hiking boots.

 

“The shit I do because I love you,” Ashlyn playfully grumbles as they get ready. She knows she doesn’t have room to actually complain considering Ali planned this entire trip and is footing most of the bill but she would never pass up an opportunity to tease Ali a little. Just like Ali resisted when Ashlyn convinced her to try surfing again in Waikiki, Ashlyn is going to resist hiking a little.

 

“Such a martyr,” Ali teases. “It’s gonna be fun, I promise. Even if it’s not fun, you can still take some pretty cool pictures when we get to the top. And I know you’ll enjoy that.”

 

In her planning, Ali had picked one of the shortest trails that would lead them to a decent peak with a good view. As much as she could hike for days and miles on end, Ashlyn is a beginner and she doesn’t want to push her to do an advanced trail before she’s ready. The trail she picked is just under five miles but with the way Ashlyn grumbles after mile three, even Ali is convinced it's longer.

 

“Carry me the rest of the way,” Ashlyn begs when they take a break around mile four. She guzzles back some water, passing the bottle to Ali.

 

“Sure, let me just carry you and all our stuff a mile uphill,” Ali deadpans, rolling her eyes. “Come on, we’re almost there. Then we can relax for a bit and eat lunch before we come back down.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Ashlyn replies, putting the water bottle back into their backpack. “Let’s do this.”

 

The final mile is slower going than the previous ones, their sore, tired legs not working as well as before. The view at the top, however, is well worth the hike. Even though they’re on one of the smaller peaks, they can still see almost the entire Island from where they stand and can see the sea down below. It’s fairly windy and chilly so they huddle close to one another as they take in the sights. Ashlyn snaps hundreds of pictures before finally putting her camera in the backpack.

 

“Worth it?” Ali asks, snuggling into Ashlyn’s side and resting her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder.

 

“Absolutely.”

 

They’re quiet for a few minutes, standing there and taking in the sights. The view is stunning, there's no doubt about that, but Ashlyn can't help but spend most of the time looking down at Ali.

 

Ashlyn’s not quite sure when she knew that Ali is it for her but it’s something she’s been thinking a lot about in recent months. It’s never been more clear to her than in this moment, cuddled close together with this breathtaking view in front of them. She wants a lifetime of adventures with this woman. Finally she cuts through the silence. “Did you fall asleep?”

 

“Nope, just thinking,” Ali replies.

 

“I’m gonna say something here and I don’t want you to freak out, okay?”

 

“Not off to a great start but go ahead,” Ali says, tearing her eyes away from the view to look up at Ashlyn.

 

“I just--” Ashlyn begins, taking a deep breath. “I don’t have a ring or anything yet so it’s not...that, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Ali says, heart beating faster.

 

“I love you, Ali. I fall more in love with you everyday. I didn’t get it right the first time around. I thought it was right and it wasn’t. But this, I know this is right. I want to marry you and I wanted to make sure we’re on the same page.”

 

Ali loops her arms around Ashlyn’s neck, meeting her eyes. “We’ve talked about marriage before; we’re definitely on the same page,” she says, grinning.

 

“We’ve always talked about it in a more far off, abstract way.”

 

Ali nods, finally understanding what Ashlyn is really getting at. She’s not saying it’s something she wants to happen eventually, she’s saying it’s something she wants to happen sooner rather than later. “So you want to make sure I’m okay with it happening sometime in the near future,” she clarifies.

 

Ashlyn nods.

 

“Does this mean you’re giving me permission to beg you for a ring now?”

 

Ashlyn laughs, rolling her eyes. “If you want to, sure. But I’m still going to do it when I think the time is right.”

 

“I can’t wait.”

 

“Me neither,” Ashlyn agrees, kissing Ali.

 

The walk back down the trail is much easier and faster than the walk up. That is, until they’re about half a mile from where they parked the rental car and Ashlyn trips and rolls her ankle. She goes to the ground immediately, clutching her ankle.

 

“Shit, are you okay?” Ali asks, crouching by Ashlyn’s side.

 

“Not sure.”

 

“Can you move it at all?”

 

Ashlyn tries to move her foot side to side then up and down, wincing the whole time. It’s a small emotional comfort that she can move it but the pain is so bad that she definitely doesn’t want to try it again anytime soon--or ever.

 

Ali sits on the ground next to Ashlyn, looking through their backpack to find the first aid kit they’d packed. She pulls out pain relievers, passing them to Ashlyn with their bottle of water.

 

“We’ll wait until we get back to the car to take your shoe off, okay? But we do have an ace bandage. Grab my hands, we need to see if you can put weight on it.”

 

Ashlyn does as she’s told, allowing Ali to help her up. Once she’s standing again, she takes a moment to gather herself before putting her injured foot on the ground, testing how much weight she can put on it. She can put some pressure on her foot but certainly not enough to walk another half mile downhill.

 

Ali reaches down for their backpack, securing it on her back again. She gets situated on Ashlyn’s left side, wrapping her arm around her waist to hobble the rest of the way to the car. It only takes them a few hundred feet to realize that they need a better plan.

 

“I guess I’m going to end up carrying you after all,” Ali says.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean you’re going to wear this backpack and I’m going to give you a piggy back ride to the car.” She squats down, allowing Ashlyn to climb onto her back. “Good thing I do squats every day at the gym,” she says as she begins walking.

 

By the time they finally make it back to the car, Ali is ready to collapse. After nearly ten miles of hiking, the last half mile of which she carried Ashlyn, there is nothing she wants more than to crawl into bed and stay there until they have to leave for the airport. She helps Ashlyn into the car, though Ashlyn sits sideways in the passenger seat so Ali can help take off her shoe.

 

“Ow, ow, ow,” Ashlyn whines, closing her eyes in pain as Ali removes her shoe.

 

“I’m gonna wrap it now, okay?” Ali asks. She reaches into their backpack, quickly locating the first aid kit. She wraps Ashlyn’s ankle carefully, making sure it’s as stabilized as possible before securing the end of the ace bandage. “Do you think we should go to urgent care?”

 

Ashlyn shakes her head. “Let’s just ice and elevate it for tonight,” she suggests. “If I still can’t walk tomorrow, we can get it checked out before we go to the airport.”

 

Ali’s not totally convinced that this is the best course of action but nods nonetheless. As long as Ashlyn doesn’t do anymore damage to it, urgent care can wait until the morning. “Okay but you have to tell me tomorrow if we need to go. Because once we get to the airport, there’s not much we’ll be able to do.”

 

“Okay, mom,” Ashlyn teases. She laughs as Ali scrunches up her nose in disgust.

 

Getting Ashlyn from the car to their hotel room is much easier than finishing the hiking trail to get her to the car. Since they’re on level ground, they’re able to walk next to each other, with Ali providing support on Ashlyn’s left side. As soon as they make it into the hotel lobby, they get curious looks from the staff behind the check-in desk and a few guests hanging around in the lobby.

 

“I told her I didn’t want to hike,” Ashlyn half jokes as they walk (and in her case, hop) by the desk. The hotel staff laughs as Ali pinches Ashlyn’s side.

 

“Now I’ll never be able to get you to go again,” Ali notes.

 

“Probably not,” Ashlyn agrees. “But at least this happened on our last day.”

 

“God, I can’t even imagine if it had happened earlier, especially before you got your surfing fix. You would’ve been so annoying, I probably would’ve drowned you.”

 

“How _dare_ you call your poor, injured girlfriend annoying,” Ashlyn says as they wait for the elevator. “You’re supposed to be nice to me, I’m broken. I may never walk again and here you are calling me annoying.”

 

“What you are is dramatic,” Ali says, kissing Ashlyn softly in an attempt to shut her up.

 

“You love me.”

 

“I do,” Ali agrees, helping Ashlyn into the elevator. “That’s why I’m going to take good care of you.” She hasn’t yet worn the red bodysuit she bought for this trip, figuring it would be a nice treat after all but forcing Ashlyn to hike. Now she’s glad she saved it as she's certain that it will be the perfect way to cheer her up.

 

When they get back to the room, Ali helps Ashlyn get situated in bed with her foot propped up before taking the empty dirty garment bag out of the closet and taking it down the hall to fill with ice. She ties the makeshift ice pack shut with a hair tie as she walks back to the room.

 

“Thank you,” Ashlyn says appreciatively as Ali puts the bag of ice on her foot.

 

“You’re welcome,” Ali replies. “Now stay here, I have a surprise for you.”

 

“Ali, this vacation was more than enough, what could you possibly surprise me with?”

 

“Trust me,” Ali says, leaning down to kiss Ashlyn. Not wanting Ashlyn to see the surprise before it’s on her body, she moves her entire suitcase to the entryway where Ashlyn can’t see her from the bed. She easily locates the lace and mesh bodysuit at the bottom of her suitcase and moves into the bathroom to put it on. Somehow it’s even sexier than Ali remembers. The entire garment is unlined red lace, leaving very little to the imagination. It’s a halter style with a deep v neck that goes almost all the way down to her bellybutton. It has high cut legs so the bottom hem comes up to her hips. The back is almost completely bare and the thong leaves her ass on complete display. It’s so sexy she’s almost embarrassed to walk out there and face Ashlyn, even after a year together and having seen each other in nearly every emotional and physical state. She steps back out into the entryway to their room and pulls a t shirt and pair of sweats on over the garment.

 

“Where’s my surprise?” Ashlyn asks, looking up from her phone. When Ali simply blushes in response, Ashlyn laughs. “Babe, there’s nothing you have to be embarrassed about with me,” she says, easily reading Ali’s emotions.

 

“It honestly might kill you,” Ali replies, toying with the hem of her shirt.

 

“It would be the best way to go,” Ashlyn says. She pulls Ali in for a gentle kiss. She’s seen Ali i all kinds of lingerie before so she’s not quite sure what it is about this particular set that has Ali so nervous and she can’t wait to find out.

 

“Okay,” Ali says. She gets off of the bed, making a show of taking her pants off first. She slides her sweatpants down her legs and kicks them to the side.

 

“Off to a great start,” Ashlyn says, taking in the bottom of the one piece.

 

Ali nods, biting her lip as she grabs the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. Ashlyn audibly gasps and Ali smirks at the reaction from her girlfriend. She knew she had nothing to worry about but something about the sexy garment made her feel uncharacteristically bashful.

 

Ashlyn clutches at her chest like she’s having a heart attack, eliciting giggles from Ali who climbs on top of her. She straddles Ashlyn for a moment, giving her an up close look of the sexy body suit as she grinds her hips a little.

 

“You are the hottest woman I’ve ever seen,” Ashlyn says. She licks her lips and reaches out to put her hands on Ali’s hips. She traces her hands around to Ali’s ass, finally discovering that there’s nothing covering it. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

 

Ali smirks as she feels Ashlyn’s hands on her bare ass, turning around so Ashlyn can see. She bounces up and down a little which she knows will really drive Ashlyn crazy.

 

“Jesus, Al,” Ashlyn breathes.

 

“You like it?” Ali giggles.

 

“I have no words. It’s my favorite thing you’ve ever worn.”

 

“What about when I wear the strapon?” Ali teases with a glance over her shoulder.

 

“Different categories.”

 

Ali smiles, turning back around to face Ashlyn who is looking at her with such adoration that Ali feels a rush of tenderness so pure she almost forgets what they’re about to do. She kisses Ashlyn, snapping them both out of the calm, tender moment. Ali’s hands roam all over Ashlyn’s body as they kiss before they finally both get frustrated with how many clothes separate them. Ashlyn’s clothes are quickly discarded in a heap on the floor but when Ali goes to remove her bodysuit, Ashlyn stops her.

 

“I want to enjoy that for as long as possible, please,” Ashlyn says, glancing Ali up and down once again.

 

“Works for me,” Ali replies, smiling. She kisses her way down Ashlyn’s body, trying to figure out how to go about things without disturbing Ashlyn’s foot too much. “We’re gonna set this aside for a bit,” she says, taking the ice pack off of Ashlyn’s ankle. With the ice out of the way, she lifts Ashlyn’s injured leg over her shoulder.

 

“Mmm, I like elevating my ankle like this,” Ashlyn quips as Ali gets settled.

 

Ali just rolls her eyes. Instead of building Ashlyn up slowly like she normally might, she decides to use a different tactic and push her to the edge as quickly as possible. With the lingerie and their steamy makeout session, it doesn’t take Ashlyn very long to come but Ali doesn’t stop there as she continues to stroke Ashlyn with her tongue, already working her to the brink again. Ashlyn’s second orgasm is more powerful than the first and when Ali tries to keep going, Ashlyn puts her hands on her head and gently pushes her away, too sensitive for another round.

 

“You good?” Ali asks, helping secure the ice pack on Ashlyn’s ankle again.

 

“On what front?”

 

“All of them,” Ali replies, curling up next to her girlfriend.

 

“Well you just made me come twice in under ten minutes so that’s really nice,” Ashlyn starts. “My ankle still hurts but the ice feels good. And you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. All in all, it’s been a good day.”

 

“It’s not over yet,” Ali says. She gets out of bed, unclasping the top of her bodysuit. She pulls it off as slowly as possible, dancing a little as she wiggles out of the garment.

 

“How do you want me?” Ashlyn asks.

 

“I want to sit on your face,” Ali says, climbing back onto Ashlyn.

 

“You love having all the control.”

 

“I do,” Ali agrees, moving into position to end the conversation.

 

She’s just as needy as Ashlyn was but Ashlyn, in an effort to have at least some control, maintains an agonizingly slow pace. Just as Ali is about to threaten to finish herself, Ashlyn ups the pace. The result is instantaneous as Ali comes, gripping the headboard tightly as she grinds down.

 

“That was amazing,” she raves, lying down next to Ashlyn. “The perfect end to the perfect vacation.”

 

“Maybe not the _perfect_ end,” Ashlyn says, gesturing down to her wrapped foot.

 

“The hiking gods were angry you complained about it so much,” Ali teases, nipping at Ashlyn’s ear.

 

“And like you didn’t complain about surfing?” Ashlyn counters. “But I’m glad we went and I’m glad we got to talk about our future while we were up there.”

 

“As if we don’t talk about the future all the time.”

 

Ashlyn sighs, rolling over as best as she can without losing the ice pack on her ankle. “I know we talk about it a lot but there was something different to it up there. Like everything felt so much more clear that you are the person I want by my side for all my adventures. And maybe in a few years, we’ll have kids and bring them on vacations and watch them experience the world.”

 

“Stop,” Ali groans, smiling. “That image is too much.”

 

“Someday we’ll come back here with a kid or two or three in tow and we’ll walk down the beach swinging them between us. I’ll take them out on a boogie board and then you can take them hiking while I hang out at the hotel.”

 

“I’m serious you better stop or I’ll want a baby by tomorrow.”

 

“Sorry, it’s too much even for me at this point,” Ashlyn replies. “It’s gonna be awesome, though.”

 

“It will,” Ali agrees. She snuggles closer to Ashlyn’s side, imagining a similar vacation a few years from now with a little one with them. Some things will be different--they certainly won’t be able to stay in bed making love for hours on end--but it’ll be worth giving up a little privacy. She drifts off to sleep in Ashlyn’s arms, thoughts of babies and future vacations on her mind.

 

~

 

Ashlyn’s ankle feels a little better in the morning but it’s still too sore to walk on so she finally caves and agrees to go to urgent care. Unsurprisingly, she has a sprained ankle so they give her crutches and tell her and Ali how to care for it. The doctor also gives her a list of rehab exercises that she’s supposed to start when she’s able to put some weight on it and move it without too much pain.

 

Getting through the airport on crutches is a bit of a nightmare but they end up getting a free upgrade to the front row of coach that has the extra leg room as a result. It’s almost impossible to elevate her leg on the plane but the flight attendants are helpful and bring her fresh bags of ice every time they come around with drinks.

 

“To our first anniversary,” Ashlyn says, clinking her whiskey glass against Ali’s wine glass. “The best year of my life so far.”

 

“And to many more,” Ali adds.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter for you today (5,800 words!). Hope you enjoyed :)


	9. I believe in something again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn spend Christmas with Deb and Kyle and attend Alex's wedding

 

“What do you think?” Ali asks, modeling a floor length red gown for Ashlyn. Alex and Serv are getting married in a few weeks on New Year’s Eve so she and Ashlyn are searching for the perfect outfits while they finish up Christmas shopping.

 

“Yes, a million times yes,” Ashlyn replies, looking her girlfriend up and down. The gown fits Ali perfectly and she’s always a sucker for Ali in red. “Are you sure you want to go, though? Cass will be there so I’ll understand if you don’t want to go. I can go by myself.”

 

Ali rolls her eyes. They went through this exact same conversation when they filled out their RSVP card. “Ashlyn,” Ali begins, meeting her girlfriend’s eyes, “I don’t care about that”. She expertly unzips the back of the dress without assistance and steps out of it carefully, standing in just her bra and panties in the fitting room. “I love Alex, there’s no way I’m missing her wedding just because your ex will be there.”

 

They’re both quiet for a moment as Ali puts her leggings and sweater back on. “I don’t have any reason to dislike Cassidy to the point that I wouldn’t go to Alex’s wedding to avoid meeting her. You’re fine, she’s fine, and everything is working out.”

 

Ashlyn nods. “Okay,” she agrees.

 

Ashlyn almost asks Ali to not do anything to overly flaunt their relationship in front of Cassidy but that’s not really Ali’s style and, anyway, there’s no bad blood between Ashlyn and Cassidy so there’s no reason for them to conduct themselves any differently than they would if Cassidy weren’t there. She just doesn’t want to put Ali in a potentially uncomfortable situation. Considering she had the moment of weakness and slept with Cassidy after one of their meetings and then she started dating Ali just two weeks after the divorce was finalized, she worries about what could happen when the two meet--especially since alcohol will be involved. But Ali doesn’t seem bothered by the situation at all so Ashlyn pushes these worries out of her mind.

 

Ali’s dress is expensive (and worth every penny) so Ashlyn decides to wear a suit she has at home. She does, however, pick out a new bowtie to freshen up the look a little.

 

“We’re gonna look so good together,” Ali comments as the cashier rings their items.

 

“We always look good together.”

 

“Truer words have never been spoken,” Ali grins.

 

~

 

While they spent their first Christmas with their respective families (they’d already made travel plans by the time they started dating), they decide to split time between Ashlyn’s family in Satellite Beach and Ali’s mom in Miami this year. It’s Ali and Kyle’s Miami year anyway so Ali and Ashlyn figure they can spend Christmas Eve with Ashlyn’s family before driving down to Miami early Christmas day. It’s not ideal to start Christmas off with a three hour drive but both families are satisfied with the arrangement so they’ll have to make do.

 

“Ready to see my crazy ass family?” Ashlyn questions, holding Ali’s hand as she drives the rental car towards her hometown. The scenery is familiar and comforting and it’s warm enough to ride with the windows down, which she relishes after a few brutally cold weeks in New York.

 

“I love your crazy ass family so yes,” Ali replies, looking over at Ashlyn and smiling.

 

“The feeling is mutual, believe me. I think they like you more than they like me.”

 

“It’s because I’m so great,” Ali deadpans.

 

“Can’t argue with that.”

 

Ashlyn can’t wait to get out of the car as soon as she pulls into her grandparents’ driveway. She closes the car door and leans against it for a second, taking a deep breath of the saltwater air. “Home,” she breathes, closing her eyes.

 

Ali comes around to the driver’s side of the car, taking in Ashlyn’s blissful look. “You’re cuter in Florida,” she comments, putting her hands on Ashlyn’s hips.

 

“Really?” Ashlyn questions, dimple showing as she smiles.

 

“You just seem happier. More free,” Ali notes, shrugging.

 

Ashlyn’s about to reply when they hear a voice from the front porch. “Are you girls going to come in or do I have to bring lunch outside?” Ashlyn’s grandma calls.

 

“Coming, Gram,” Ali replies brightly, taking Ashlyn’s hand. They go inside for lunch, leaving their stuff in the car for the time being.

 

As soon as they walk in the house, Ashlyn smells her grandma’s famous mac and cheese, her favorite meal. She and Ali greet her grandparents (and brother, who is over for lunch) with hugs before the family gets settled at the table to eat. They chat throughout the meal, catching up on each other’s lives and the nightmare that was airport just two days before Christmas.

 

They longer they talk, the more Ashlyn realizes Ali was right about her being freer back home. There’s a certain level of comfortability she doesn’t have in New York. She has some amazing friends in the city, many of whom she would not have made it through the divorce without but nothing compares to warm weather, sunshine, and her family, flawed as they may be.

 

“Let’s take a walk outside,” Ashlyn suggests after they help clean up from lunch and get their stuff situated in the bedroom.

 

“Sounds perfect,” Ali agrees.

 

They slip into the sandals they keep in the house and walk down to the beach hand in hand. After a few weeks of deep freeze in New York, the mid 70º weather feels pretty damn hot and Ashlyn realizes just how long it’s been since her body was accustomed to Florida weather.

 

“I’m so happy we get to spend Christmas together,” Ali says, swinging Ashlyn’s arm playfully. “And that we get to see your family and my mom.”

 

“It’s pretty much the perfect compromise,” Ashlyn agrees. “Though I wish we didn’t have to travel so far to get here.”

 

Ali knows immediately what Ashlyn is really getting at. “We should think about moving here. Or maybe even somewhere halfway between here and Miami so we’re close to your family and my mom.”

 

“You would move down here?” Ashlyn questions, a little surprised.

 

“Sure,” Ali says. “We’ve always talked about wanting to live by the beach somewhere and while I was thinking more along the lines of Long Island, it would be nice to be somewhere near both of our families. Especially since we’ve spoken about having a family one day. Would it really be ideal to raise our kids so far away from everyone? Come on, let’s sit,” she says, pointing to a dock in front of them.

 

They sit in silence for a while, their feet dangling in the water as they look out at the horizon.

 

“Ash? What are you thinking?” Ali finally asks.

 

“Thinking about what it would be like to raise a family down here with you. I didn’t ever really want to move to New York to begin with but Cass insisted. The city has its faults, sure, but I have so many great friends there and I have you so I really don’t mind living there.”

 

“If you want to stay there, we can stay there,” Ali says. “But I think you’d be happier down here.”

 

“You’re not wrong,” Ashlyn agrees. She pauses, gently tucking Ali’s hair behind her ear. “But what about you? You always wanted to live in New York.”

 

“It’s not the same without Kyle there,” Ali says. “And as much as I love Liz, I’m not building a future with her, I’m building one with you. I’m not saying we have to move down here anytime soon but I think it would be worth considering. We have to make decisions based on what is best for us and our future and Florida has a lot of pros--at least in terms of our future plans.”

 

“We’ll look into it,” Ashlyn says, smiling.

 

“But you’re going to give me a ring first, right?” Ali teases. “Because I think it’s only fair that we’re at least engaged before we move 1,200 miles away.”

 

“Twist my arm.”

 

After a day and a half with Ashlyn’s family, most of which is spent out in the water with her brother and cousins, it’s time to make the three hour journey south to Deb’s in Miami. Ashlyn’s grandma would never let them hit the road without breakfast so she wakes up extra early on Christmas to whip them up eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and biscuits. With full stomachs and promises to visit soon, they’re out the door and on the way to Miami.

 

Deb and Kyle are just finishing up their own coffee when Ali and Ashlyn walk in the door, finding Deb’s house beautifully decorated for the holiday.

 

“My girls,” Deb exclaims, getting up from the table to hug her guests. “I’m so glad you were able to make it.”

 

“Us too,” Ashlyn replies, hugging the older woman. “The schedule worked out perfectly.”

 

“I’m so happy to have all my kids here,” Deb says, leading them all into the living room where the tree is sent up.

 

Ali nudges Ashlyn, smiling, at Deb’s words. She knows her family loves Ashlyn and it means so much to her that they’ve welcomed her into the family seamlessly, just as she’s been welcomed into Ashlyn’s family.

 

“It looks beautiful in here, Mom,” Ali says, looking around the festively decorated living room. A Christmas tree stands in a corner, decorated with colorful lights, sentimental ornaments (Deb has never been the type to use packages of store bought ornaments, instead decorating her tree with meaningful ones she’s collected over the years). There’s a small Christmas village setup on the top of the long bookcase. There’s a Christmas wreath hanging where a painting usually resides and embroidered stockings (one of which has Ashlyn’s name on it) hanging from a decorative holder next to the tree.

 

“Thank you, sweetheart, I always try to impress the years you and Kyle come for Christmas. And of course it has to look good for Ashlyn’s first Christmas here with us.”

 

“It really does look amazing, Deb,” Ashlyn grins.

 

“Thank you,” Deb replies. She pulls the ottoman close to the tree so she can pass out gifts. “Here, Ash, you go first since you’re our guest.”

 

“No fair,” Kyle protests. “How about I go first because I traveled the farthest.”

 

“Next year,” Deb promises, handing Ashlyn her first gift.

 

They open presents and chat for nearly an hour while the _A Christmas Story_ marathon plays on mute on the TV. Deb is a self proclaimed expert gift giver and always manages to find gifts that are not only perfect but easy to transport as well, a skill she’s honed over years of living a plane ride away from her children. When the last of the presents have been opened, Ali decides to take a shower before dinner is ready.

 

Alone with Ashlyn and Deb, Kyle decides to question Ashlyn a little. Over the last year, they’ve gotten to know each other pretty well but he’s still a protective older brother and wants to make sure their relationship is moving in the right direction.

 

“Hey, Ash,” he says in a singsong voice as he turns to face her on the couch. He tucks his legs underneath him and Ashlyn knows they’re in for a serious conversation, despite his chipper tone. “You don’t plan on waiting too long to propose to Ali, right?”

 

“No, of course not,” Ashlyn replies. “Wait, did she put you up to this for you to report back to her?” She asks with narrowed eyes. She doesn’t think Ali would be so sneaky as to have her brother dig for information but she hasn’t been too subtle about wanting a ring recently so Ashlyn wouldn’t put it past her.

 

Kyle shakes his head. “No, Debbers and I were talking about this before you got here and we were curious.” He pauses and Ashlyn watches nervously as he appears to gather his thoughts. “We were wondering because we know how you were reluctant to start a relationship again and we didn’t know if that would carry over to being reluctant to get married again. I don’t think I need to tell you that it was hard on her to wait for you. I’m just hoping you won’t keep her waiting too long again.”

 

Ashlyn nods her understanding. As close as she and Kyle are, she knows he’s Ali’s brother first and foremost so his main priority is her happiness and wellbeing.

 

“We all look forward to having you as an official member of the family, that’s all,” Deb adds from the other couch. She’s smiling and Ashlyn knows there’s no malice behind her and Kyle all but cornering her.

 

“We’ve talked about marriage a lot recently which I’m sure you both know.” Deb and Kyle nod so Ashlyn continues, “I understand where you’re coming from and I want you to know that I have no hesitations about marrying her. I didn’t start a relationship with her until I was sure I was ready because I wanted to make sure I was in it with my whole heart and I am, I absolutely am. We might have gotten off to a slow start but that’s not holding us back anymore.”

 

“We know, honey,” Deb says softly.

 

Ashlyn clears her throat. “I, uh, I actually plan on proposing within the next few months. We’ve been so busy with the holidays and preparing for Alex’s wedding but I plan on getting a ring soon. I’ll probably do it sometime after Valentine’s day. Don’t worry, you’ll all be stuck with me soon enough.”

 

“Did you hear that, Ali?” Kyle calls, turning to the stairs. When Ashlyn’s eyes go wide, he can’t control his laughter. “Kidding,” he says, grinning.

 

“I would have to kill you if you set me up like that,” Ashlyn says. She rolls her eyes as Kyle starts laughing again. “I swear, if you tell her anything I just said, I’ll make sure you’re not even invited to the wedding.”

 

“Honey, please, if only one of us is uninvited it’s way more likely to be you than me,” Kyle retorts, eliciting a laugh from both Ashlyn and Deb.

 

“No way,” Ashlyn laughs. “It’ll be my wedding too how could I not be invited?”

 

Kyle shrugs. “Put a toe out of line and I’ll figure out a way to convince her.”

 

“I won’t,” Ashlyn promises. “Anyway,” she starts, “I’m sure you two will be the first to know when it happens.” She almost tells them about her and Ali’s tentative plan to move down to Florida sometime in the near future but doesn’t want to get Deb’s hopes up about them possibly living closer if it doesn’t work out. It’s best to keep those plans between her and Ali, at least for the time being.

 

When Ali comes back downstairs a few minutes later, she finds Ashlyn and Kyle taking snapchat selfies on her phone while Deb finishes up with dinner in the kitchen. They must be using some funny filter because the two are cracking up and keep raising their eyebrows, the effect of which makes them laugh harder. They’re so wrapped up in what they’re doing that they hardly even notice her until she sits next to Ashlyn.

 

“Hey, babe,” Ashlyn greets, giving Ali a quick kiss before turning back to the phone in Kyle’s hand.

 

“Let me in on the fun,” Ali says. She moves onto Ashlyn’s lap in an attempt to get into the camera frame.

 

“Here,” Kyle says, turning off the filters and holding the phone sideways for a landscape photo of the three of them cuddled on the couch. They all make silly faces and after a few tries, they’re finally satisfied with the shot and Kyle hands Ali’s phone back to her.

 

Ali saves the photo to her phone before captioning it ‘Merry Christmas from my family to yours’. She updates her story and sets her phone on the end table as the three of them catch up on their lives.

 

~

 

New York feels even more frigid when Ali and Ashlyn return from their trip to Florida. It snows the day before Alex and Serv’s wedding, blanketing the city in a fresh layer of snow. Ali tells Ashlyn it’ll be beautiful for pictures outside the venue, but Ashlyn grumbles about having to leave the apartment at all.

 

“It’ll be warm inside,” Ali promises, twisting a piece of hair around the curling iron. “And if not, there’s always alcohol and dancing to warm you up.”

 

“Now you’re talking,” Ashlyn says.

 

They’re end up running late thanks to Ashlyn dragging her feet for so long, leading to Ali not so patiently waiting by the door, scrolling through her phone completely ready to go as she waits for Ashlyn. By the time Ashlyn emerges from their bedroom, they’re running twenty minutes late which would be bad enough on a normal day but given that it’s New York City on New Year’s Eve, Ali is genuinely concerned that they’ll miss the ceremony. She tells Ashlyn this in an annoyed huff as they make their way to the elevators in their building.

 

“We’ll be fine,” Ashlyn says. “We’re not going anywhere near Times Square tonight or ever, for that matter, and we have almost an hour before the ceremony starts.”

 

“You know I wanted to get pictures outside while the light is still decent,” Ali grumbles, crossing her arms.

 

“We’ll be fine,” Ashlyn repeats, kissing Ali’s cheek.

 

“You just don’t want to spend any time outside.”

 

Ashlyn shrugs at that. Ali isn’t wrong but even still, she didn’t make them late on purpose. She simply had a hard time willing herself to get out of their warm bed on a frigid, snowy day.

 

As promised, their Uber takes them nowhere near the chaos of Times Square so they still end up getting to the venue early enough to take pictures outside, asking some of the other stragglers to take a few shots of them together in the snow covered gardens.

 

“I love this one,” Ali comments, showing Ashlyn her favorite picture of the bunch as they make their way inside.

 

They leave their coats at the coat check and make their way into the ceremony space together, searching for a place to sit. It’s a decent sized venue but Alex and Serv have a lot of guests so most of the seats are filled. Ali finally spots two seats towards the end of a row and takes Ashlyn by the hand as she leads the way.

 

“Is anyone sitting here?” She asks the woman sitting at the end of the row, right next to the empty seats. The woman turns to face her and Ali finally realizes that out of all the seats and all the guests, they’re going to end up next to Ashlyn’s ex wife.

 

“No, go right ahead,” Cassidy says, standing to let them through.

 

“We can sit somewhere else,” Ashlyn offers, eyes darting between Cassidy and Ali.

 

“Don’t be silly,” Cassidy says, motioning for them to take the open seats.

 

Ashlyn takes the seat farthest from Cassidy, figuring that it’ll be less awkward for Cassidy and Ali to sit next to each other than it will be for her to sit in between them.

 

“Ash, I am so sorry, I didn’t realize,” Ali whispers so only Ashlyn can hear as soon as they’re in their seats.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Ashlyn’s words are calm but she looks a little panicked over the situation so Ali rests a gentle hand on Ashlyn’s thigh, trying to calm her.

 

“You’re Ali, right?” Cassidy asks, breaking the tension a little. “I’ve seen you on Alex’s instagram a few times.”

 

“Yes, that’s me,” Ali replies, smiling as she turns a little, She moves her hand from Ashlyn’s lap so she can shake Cassidy’s. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

 

“You have?” Cassidy asks, eyebrows raised in surprise.

 

Ali nods, trying not to panic at how that might have sounded. She has heard a lot about Cassidy but she doesn’t come up very often anymore so it’s not like she and Ashlyn sit around talking about Ashlyn’s ex. “I was Ashlyn’s relator when she first moved so we ended up getting to know each other a little as I showed her apartments.”

 

Cassidy nods understandingly. “She’s so uncomfortable,” she says, nodding in Ashlyn’s direction.

 

Ali glances next to her, finding her girlfriend playing with her hands, a telltale sign of her nerves. At the moment, she’s overly concerned with the ring adorning her right middle finger, sliding it up and down her finger repeatedly. Ali takes Ashlyn’s hand, stopping the repetitive motion. “Ash, it’s fine,” she says gently.

 

“Hi, Ashlyn,” Cassidy greets from next to Ali.

 

Ali’s comforting presence and Cassidy’s greeting snaps Ashlyn out of her trance though she’s still clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. “Hey, Cass,” she says, smiling as she makes eye contact with her ex for the first time. “You look great.”

 

“So do you,” Cassidy grins. She pauses, still very aware of the tension. “Let’s just all have a good time tonight, okay? You don’t have to worry about me. You seem really happy and that’s wonderful. And at least now you won’t be going to bed with other women and calling them Ali.” She winks, knowing that her teasing will break the tension.

 

Ashlyn laughs. “This is the worst day of my life,” she says, rolling her eyes.

 

“In all seriousness, I’m really happy for you, I’m glad you’re doing well,” Cassidy says.

 

Music begins to play so they turn their attention to the aisle along with everyone else, watching as the bridesmaids and flower girl walk down the aisle and, finally, Alex. Ali stays sandwiched between Ashlyn and Cassidy the entire time, overly conscious of her hand on Ashlyn’s thigh. She normally might rub gentle circles on Ashlyn’s thigh, the kind of comfortable, intimate act that comes after dating for as long as they have. But she keeps her hand still throughout the ceremony, not wanting to do anything to make it seem like she’s flaunting their relationship in front of Cassidy. The situation is awkward enough as it is (though Ashlyn and Cassidy’s divorce was about as amicable as divorces can get) and Ali doesn’t want to make it more awkward than it already is.

 

The ceremony is short and sweet and when everyone moves to the reception space, Ali and Ashlyn find that they’re sitting at a table right next to Cassidy’s. Alex had warned them that she was putting most of her friends at the two tables so they’re not too surprised by the arrangement.

 

“Can you even believe how beautiful Alex looks?” Ali asks, looking towards the head table where Alex and Serv are seated next to their bridesmaids and groomsmen.

 

“Easy, tiger, she’s married,” Ashlyn jokes.

 

“Not my type,” Ali deadpans. “And anyway, I have a girlfriend that I love very much but who knows, if she doesn’t propose soon maybe I’ll put myself back on the market.”

 

Ashlyn shoots Ali a look.

 

Ali shrugs. “Sorry, you know weddings make me like this.”

 

“It’ll be soon enough,” Ashlyn promises, squeezing Ali’s hand. “And you’ll be the most beautiful bride in the world.”

 

“Of course I will be,” Ali replies, smirking. “It’s okay, though, you can have the title of second most beautiful bride.”

 

“So generous of you,” Ashlyn teases, rolling her eyes.

 

Almost everyone takes to the dance floor after dinner. Ali and Ashlyn dance for a while before finally deciding to take a break, returning back to their table.

 

“I need to sit,” Ashlyn groans, lowering herself down onto her chair.

 

“I’m gonna go get a drink; do you want anything?” Ali asks.

 

“Whiskey, please.”

 

“Be right back,” Ali promises, patting Ashlyn on the shoulder before she walks away.

 

Ashlyn takes her phone out of her pocket and sets it on the table. She opens instagram, scrolling through the pictures she and Ali have taken so far to find the perfect one to post. When a few minutes pass and Ali still hasn’t returned, Ashlyn turns around in her chair to look towards the bar. Ali and Cassidy are standing and chatting near the bar. Ashlyn watches for a few seconds as they start laughing about something Cassidy has said. They seem oddly comfortable with one another and although them being friendly is the best case scenario for this wedding, it still makes Ashlyn a little uneasy. She pockets her phone, making her way to where Ali and Cassidy are standing.

 

“Hey,” she greets cautiously. “I was wondering what was taking you so long.”

 

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Ali says. “We were in line and started talking.”

 

“My bad,” Cassidy says. “I distracted her. I’m sure you’re both itching to get back out on the dance floor.”

 

“You’ve been tearing it up with Kelley,” Ashlyn notes, smirking. Kelley has always been in their circle of friends and now it seems that there might be some attraction between Kelley and Cassidy.

 

Cassidy shrugs. “She’s cute and fun and we’re both single. On that note, I’m gonna get my drink and get back out there before she moves onto someone else. You know how she is.”

 

Ali and Ashlyn get their drinks after Cassidy but instead of going back out onto the dance floor, Ashlyn leads Ali out into the hallway, where there’s a small sitting area with plush arm chairs set up around a small circular table and a fire burning in the fireplace.

 

“Need a break from all the dancing?” Ali asks, confused by this turn of events.

 

“You can't be friends with my ex,” Ashlyn blurts.

 

“I'm not friends with your ex,” Ali replies, narrowing her eyes as she watches Ashlyn consider her next words.

 

Ashlyn sighs. “Sorry, I know I'm overreacting but that just made me so uncomfortable. Of course I'm glad you two can get along since we have to be in the same room together but it's really weird for me. It's weird to see you with my ex wife. And you definitely didn't like it when she and I went out for dinner after meeting with our lawyers.”

 

“Because I knew you were going to do something stupid,” Ali retorts. “I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. I didn't realize who she was until it was too late at the wedding and just now in line she was someone to talk to while I waited. It's not like we’ll be going to brunch together anytime soon.”

 

“I know, I know. It was just strange to see you two talking and being so friendly. I was with her for almost ten years and now I’m with you and we’re planning a future together so it was strange to see you talking and laughing together. I kinda felt like you two were spilling secrets about me.”

 

“Honey,” Ali begins, “there’s nothing she could tell me about you that I don’t already know and vice versa. You’re stuck with me forever so even if she did tell me something I didn’t know, you wouldn’t be able to shake me.” She leans forward in her chair, resting her hands on Ashlyn’s thighs as she kisses her. “Stop worrying so much, okay?” she mutters when they pull apart.

 

Ashlyn puts her hand on the back of Ali’s head, pulling her back in. The kiss deepens quickly and Ashlyn pulls back, a little breathless, when she remembers that they’re in public. “Why didn’t we book a room?”

 

“Because we’re idiots and decided to go home after the reception,” Ali replies. She stands, grabbing Ashlyn’s hand. “Alex’s bridal suite must be around here somewhere,” she mutters, dragging an amused Ashlyn behind her.

 

“What was that?”

 

Ali stops walking, pulling Ashlyn close for a moment. “I’m gonna fuck you in the bridal suite. Still confused?”

 

Ashlyn shakes her head as she bites back a smile. When Ali turns back around, Ashlyn playfully slaps her on the ass, which gets Ali moving even faster than before. They practically run down the hallway, giggling at their little adventure. They pass some hotel staff, who are in no way oblivious to what the two flushed, excited women are up to, but Ali and Ashlyn are way too tipsy to care about strangers knowing they’re about to get some.  

 

The bridal suite is in an adjacent hallway. It’s large and beautiful but neither Ali nor Ashlyn look around beyond seeing the leather couch in the center of the room. Ali runs her fingers through Ashlyn’s hair, finally resting her hand on the base of Ashlyn’s neck and pulling her in for a passionate kiss as soon as they’re in the door. Without breaking contact, Ashlyn kicks the door closed behind them. She wraps her arms around Ali’s waist and pulls their bodies flush together as they continue kissing. They stumble their way over to the couch without breaking their kiss.

 

“We should probably hurry,” Ali muses, unbuttoning Ashlyn’s shirt once they’re seated on the couch. Ashlyn’s jacket was shed earlier in the night while they were dancing so Ali helps remove Ashlyn’s shirt and bowtie.

 

Ashlyn doesn’t argue with that, though she knows no matter how long it takes, it’ll be obvious to everyone where they were and what they were doing as soon as they return to the reception. They shed the rest of their clothes quickly, not wanting to waste any precious time. Free of their clothing, Ashlyn starts kissing Ali again, gently lowering her down onto her back with her arms above her head. Ali rests her leg over the back of the couch, giving Ashlyn room to move.

 

Ashlyn kisses her way down Ali’s chest, still taking a little time to worship her gorgeous girlfriend. “Hurry,” Ali breathes. As much as she enjoys what her girlfriend is doing, they need to make this quick.

 

Ashlyn keeps kissing her way down Ali’s body and settles herself in between Ali’s legs. She strokes Ali with her tongue, alternating between firm and gentle because she knows that’s a quick way to build Ali towards the edge. Just as she can tell Ali is teetering on the edge, they’re interrupted by the door swinging open. By the time Ashlyn even registers what’s happening, it’s too late and Kelley comes into the room with Cassidy right behind her. Both Kelley and Cassidy are giggling and in their own world but when they finally see Ashlyn with her head in between Ali’s legs, their laughter stops.

 

“Shit, sorry Ash,” Kelley says. Cassidy immediately turns out of the room but Kelley stands there for a few seconds. “Nice tattoo, Ali,” she says, gesturing to the script on Ali’s ribcage before finally leaving, closing the door behind her.

 

“Why didn’t you lock the door,” Ali groans.

 

“You were on me like a leech as soon as we were in the door, I didn’t have time to think,” Ashlyn defends. She kisses Ali one last time before standing up and putting her clothes back on, knowing that the moment has been ruined. Ali’s still pouting on the couch when Ashlyn zips her pants up so she leans down, kissing her softly again. “Raincheck and I promise I’ll make it worth the wait.”

 

She’s never broken a promise to Ali so after an awkward first few minutes back at the reception, they dance the rest of the night, fueling their desires until the DJ plays the last song of the night. Ashlyn still feels bad about the situation when they get home so she treats Ali to three consecutive orgasms before she finally relents and lets Ali take care of her.

 

“Can we make a pact right now to not move at all tomorrow?” Ashlyn asks once they’re sated and thoroughly exhausted.

 

“I don’t think we’ll be able to even if we want to,” Ali laughs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene with Kyle was originally going to be a little more light hearted but since a few of you wanted to see his protectiveness, I took it in a slightly different direction. There are only three chapters left so this story is starting to wind down :/
> 
> As always, I'd love to know your thoughts! Especially about the scene with Kyle and Deb and the events at the wedding ;)


	10. are you gonna make me yours (or do I make you mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali becomes impatient for Ashlyn to propose

 

Ali bought a ring for Ashlyn almost as soon as they returned from Hawaii. She’s never intended on being the first to propose but with all their talk of marriage and the future, she wanted to have it ready when Ashlyn proposed to her. As the months have passed, however, without a proposal from Ashlyn, Ali very seriously considers asking her herself. She starts hinting (if flat out saying she wants a ring can be considered a hint, that is) more and more after Alex’s wedding. They’ve just had brunch with friends in late January when Ali spots a jewelry store next door. She holds Ashlyn’s hand as she walks towards the store instead of back in the direction of their apartment.

 

Inside, there are cases and cases of jewelry but Ali only has eyes for one corner of the store. She walks right by cases of earrings, necklaces, and bracelets until she reaches the bridal section in the far corner of the store.   

 

“What, you need to show me what you want for Valentine’s Day?” Ashlyn jokes as Ali leads the way through the store. She certainly seems like she knows exactly what she’s looking for and it wouldn’t surprise Ashlyn is Ali had already scoped the place out to show her what she wants for Valentine’s day. “Oh,” she says when Ali leads her right to the engagement rings. “Well that’s one way to do it, I guess.”

 

“Just want to make sure the holdup isn’t because you don’t know what kind I’d like,” Ali says, shrugging.

 

Ashlyn wants to tell Ali how ridiculous she’s being about this whole thing but she’s kind of enjoying how dramatic Ali has been the last few weeks. She happened to pick out Ali’s ring a few weeks prior so the pressure to find the perfect ring is off and all that’s left is to come up with a plan for the actual proposal. She doesn’t want Ali to know this, of course, so she’s been playing along with Ali’s antics for weeks.

 

She wasn’t even shopping for rings the day she found Ali’s but she saw the perfect one in the window while out shopping with Whitney and immediately knew it was meant to be Ali’s ring. They didn’t have Ali’s size in stock so Ashlyn placed and order for it and picked it up a few days ago. The rings Ali is looking at now are beautiful but, in Ashlyn’s opinion, none of them compare to the one that’s hidden in her nightstand.

 

“I _love_ that one,” Ali says, pointing to a massive princess cut solitaire in the case.

 

“What is that, five carats?” Ashlyn asks, rolling her eyes. “You wouldn’t even need weights at the gym, just lift your hand.”

 

“Just giving you ideas,” Ali shrugs. “But wait too long and I might have to propose to you myself.”

 

“I’d be fine with that. Cassidy proposed to me.”

 

“Oh, really?” Ali asks, quirking an eyebrow as she turns to look at Ashlyn.

 

Ashlyn nods. “Right after I moved to New York. I was gonna do it but--” she trails off, not wanting to finish the rest of her sentence. Upon a sharp glare from Ali, she continues, “but she was tired of waiting”.

 

“I hate you,” Ali laughs, shaking her head.

 

“You love me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be dragging me into jewelry stores to look at rings.”

 

Ali is about to respond when they’re interrupted by a salesperson asking if they want to see anything. When Ali tells her that they’re just browsing, Ashlyn breathes a sigh of relief that Ali doesn’t plan on taking this ‘hint’ all the way to the register. Ashlyn’s not sure what she would do if Ali fell in love with a ring here and asked to buy it. After browsing for a few minutes, she’s absolutely certain that none of the rings here compare to the one she already has but she’s never been good at saying no to Ali. Ashlyn knows she’d probably end up dipping into the bakery savings and Ali would have two engagement rings.

 

“Anything good?” Ashlyn asks, testing the waters a little.

 

“I like a lot of them,” Ali says. “But I kind of want you to pick out my ring so I can be surprised.”

 

“I think you’ll be surprised.”

 

Ali’s face lights up. “Does this mean you already have one?”

 

“Not telling,” Ashlyn replies. She pulls her phone out of her pocket, making a show of dropping a pin for their current location in the hope that it will throw Ali off a little.

 

“I hate that you won’t tell me,” Ali groans. But she’s still smiling so Ashlyn knows it isn’t true. Ali enjoys the suspense almost as much as Ashlyn enjoys hearing her beg a little.

 

~

 

The first few days of February bring one of the biggest snowstorms in recent memory. Like everyone else on the east coast, Ali and Ashlyn stock their apartment full of essentials in the days leading up to the storm, ready to hunker down and wait it out. Neither woman is interested in leaving the apartment with all the snow they’re supposed to get so they plan on waiting it out indoors.

 

Since Ashlyn picked up Ali’s ring, she’s been thinking about the perfect way to propose. She’s considered almost everything, though nothing seems quite right. They’re snuggled in their bed, trapped indoors for the second day in a row when she just can’t wait anymore. They haven’t bothered to put makeup on or change out of their pajamas but as soon as Ashlyn makes up her mind, she realizes that this is the perfect moment. It’s them as their realest selves.

 

“Hey, Al?” she says gently. She runs a hand through Ali’s hair and takes in her girlfriend’s blissful expression.

 

Ali looks up at Ashlyn expectantly.

 

“You know my favorite thing about our relationship?”

 

“Sex?” Ali guesses, smirking.

 

“That too,” Ashlyn says. “My favorite thing is that we don’t need to do big, romantic gestures. Sure, we can do big and romantic with the best of them like when you surprised me with the Hawaii trip. But I love that most of the time we’re just content to be together. Hell, our first date was eating pizza by the slice and it was perfect.”

 

“It was,” Ali agrees.

 

“I like that about us,” Ashlyn continues. She snuggles closer to Ali, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo as she gently traces the lines of her liebe tattoo. She feels like she should be nervous--she’s asking the most wonderful woman in the world (in her completely biased opinion) to marry her--but she feels surprisingly calm, more calm that she ever could have imagined. She is ready for this, they are ready for this. “I met you during the hardest time of my life and even though we were just getting to know each other, I knew that I could be myself with you. If I needed to cry, I could cry and if I needed to talk, you’d listen and give me advice. I didn’t have to put up a front with you and I appreciate that more than I could put into words.”

 

Ali doesn’t say anything, instead pulling Ashlyn in for a kiss. She’s figured out where this is going by now so she doesn’t linger too long, letting Ashlyn continue.

 

“I think that really set us up well for when we started dating, you know? I never felt like I had to  impress you to keep you around or make you interested in me. I love spoiling you, don’t get me wrong, but I think it’s important that we do those things because we want to, not because we think we have to. I love knowing that we’re on the same team and even though we disagree sometimes, I always know we’ll work through things together.” She kisses Ali again and pauses for just a moment to gaze into Ali’s eyes. “I am deeply in love with you. That scared me at first but you were so patient with me and I knew I couldn’t let you go. You challenge me and keep me on my toes and I am so lucky that I get to share this life with you. Wherever we end up, I’m happy just knowing you’ll be by my side.”

 

Ashlyn untangles herself from Ali and rolls over to reach into her nightstand where she has Ali’s ring. She digs through all the junk that has accumulated in the small drawer to the very back and pulls the small black box from its home from the last few weeks. She hears Ali sniffle next to her so she holds the box in her hands as she pulls Ali into her arms. She cradles the back of Ali’s head with her free hand, comforting the other woman.

 

Ali melts into Ashlyn’s embrace for a moment before she pulls back, wiping her tears away. “Okay, I think I’m good. Continue.”

 

“What do you mean ‘continue’?” Ashlyn jokes. “I just said what I needed to say.”

 

Ali rolls her eyes. “I believe you had a question for me.”

 

“Oh, right,” Ashlyn says, smiling as she tries to hold her own tears back. She holds the ring box out in front of her and flips the top open to reveal the ring. “Ali, will you marry me?”

 

“Of course,” Ali breathes, grinning. She kisses Ashlyn deeply before pulling back and allowing Ashlyn to slide the ring onto her finger. Once it’s in place, she finally looks at it for the first time. It’s a beautiful rose gold with a one and a quarter carat round diamond in the center. The front of the band has two overlapping parts on each side of the main diamond with smaller round light pink diamonds in the band. At first glance, the pink diamonds blend in with the rose gold so they add an elegant touch without distracting from the main diamond.

 

“Holy shit,” she exclaims, turning her hand a little so the diamond catches the light.

 

“That’s what I said when I first saw it in the window. Even Whitney said I didn’t need to look at any other rings.”

 

“I think I might love this ring more than I love you.”

 

“Doesn’t matter, you’re stuck with both of us forever,” Ashlyn replies, kissing Ali. She kisses Ali hungirly as Ali straddles her lap. Their tongues battle for dominance for a few minutes before Ali trails kisses down Ashlyn’s neck, pausing to suck on pulse points.

 

“Off,” Ali mumbles, pulling back just far enough to pull Ashlyn’s sweatshirt off. “So gorgeous,” she says, looking Ashlyn’s naked torso up and down. She sits back on her heels, pulling her own sweater off as well before she leans back in, kissing Ashlyn soundly. She tangles her hands in Ashlyn’s hair, tugging a little as she kisses her way back to the spot behind Ashlyn’s ear, knowing it drives her wild. She sucks on that spot, smirking as Ashlyn moans.

 

Ashlyn doesn’t let Ali have all the control for long, however, as she turns her head, reconnecting their lips. Slowly and without breaking the kiss, she manages to get Ali on her back underneath her. She kisses her way down Ali’s neck before finally taking one of her nipples into her mouth, swirling her tongue. Ali arches her back, wordlessly asking for more.

 

Ashlyn pulls back for a second, meeting Ali’s eyes as she lazily trails her pointer finger up and down Ali’s torso. “We’re getting married,” she says. Ali shivers, a combination of Ashlyn’s words and being so turned on and suddenly, even Ashlyn can't wait a second longer to give her what she wants.

 

Ali cants her hips, giving Ashlyn the space to take her sweatpants and panties off. Ashlyn grips Ali’s thighs, drinking in the sight of her beautiful, naked fiancée. It almost moves her to tears, knowing she gets to love this woman for the rest of her life. She doesn’t dwell too long, instead kissing her way back up Ali’s body as she begins to stroke her with her fingers. She loves loving Ali like this, getting to watch her face as she comes undone. In her opinion, it’s one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

 

She draws it out for as long as possible, maintaining a slow pace as she loves on every inch of Ali’s body. By the time she finally lets Ali come, Ali is begging for release and Ashlyn grins as she gives her exactly what she wants.

 

“I love you,” Ashlyn mumbles, pressing a kiss to Ali’s temple as Ali comes down. “So, so much.”

 

“I love you more,” Ali declares, smiling at Ashlyn. “You’re kinda my fave.”

 

“Kind of?” Ashlyn asks, feigning offense.

 

“Okay, fine, you’re definitely my fave. And I am so excited to marry you.” She moves to straddle Ashlyn’s lap, pinning Ashlyn’s arms above her head. The move takes Ashlyn by surprise but she recovers quickly as Ali connects their lips. They kiss for a few minutes, tongues battling for dominance as Ali keeps Ashlyn’s arms pinned above her head.

 

“Ali, please,” Ashlyn breathes, breaking the kiss for a moment.

 

Ali slowly makes her way down Ashlyn’s body, worshipping her with gentle, loving kisses. By the time she makes it to her destination, Ashlyn is writhing beneath her. Ali teases Ashlyn for a little bit, giving her the friction she desperately wants before pulling back, smirking up at her fiancée, who looks to be near tears in frustration.

 

“Come on,” Ashlyn groans.

 

“Payback for teasing me for so long.” Ali smiles, kissing the inside of Ashlyn’s thighs before moving centrally again. She briefly considers teasing Ashlyn again but she comes suddenly after just a few more quick strokes of Ali’s tongue, taking them both by surprise.

 

“My god, woman,” Ashlyn breathes as she comes down.

 

Ali curls up next to Ashlyn, smiling as she brushes Ashlyn’s disheveled hair away from her face. “I can’t believe I forgot,” she says after a minute, jumping out of bed.

 

Ashlyn watches from her place in bed as Ali walks over to the closet. Ali pulls out a purse she hasn’t used in a while and unzips the inner pocket, pulling out a small box.

 

“I got it when we came back from Hawaii,” Ali explains, joining Ashlyn in bed again. “I don’t know if I can give a speech like yours without crying but I will say that I am so glad you found my number when you were looking for apartments. You are the perfect balance for me and I am so excited to be your wife and for you to be mine.” She opens the ring box, carefully taking Ashlyn’s ring out and sliding it onto her finger. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. She holds her hand out to examine her ring, smiling as Ali does the same. Ashlyn’s ring is a white gold band with a row of inset diamonds around the top and bottom. Each row of diamonds is bordered by a rope feature on while the center of the ring is carved with small vertical lines. It’s bold and a little flashy and absolutely perfect for Ashlyn’s style.

 

“We did a good job,” Ali says, admiring their rings next to each other. “Hey, did you know that we’re getting married?”

 

“I did know that,” Ashlyn laughs. “Pretty cool, huh?”

 

“Can we get married tomorrow? I don’t want to wait.”

 

“We could if we wanted, I suppose, but don’t you want our families there?”

 

Ali shrugs. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I think I’d like to do something small. What was your last one like?”

 

Ashlyn settles against the headboard, pulling Ali into her arms. “Well, we had a huge wedding here in New York. It wasn’t legal back home yet and we lived here so it made sense logistically. It wasn’t my ideal wedding but I didn’t really care as long as Cassidy was happy and it was legal, which we couldn’t get back home. I felt really bad asking my family to spend so much money just to be here but everyone made it work.”

 

“Well I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that this time. We’ve been thinking of moving down to Florida sometime this year anyway so it would be silly to plan a wedding in a city we won’t live in by the time we actually get married.”

 

Ashlyn meets Ali’s eyes, searching for any sign that Ali is compromising what she wants because she knows Ashlyn would like to get married in Florida. “You’re not just saying that for me?”

 

Ali cups Ashlyn’s cheek with her hand, holding eye contact. “I would never tell you I’m okay with something like that if I wasn’t. We’re planning on moving down there so it makes the most sense. Besides, I’ve kind of always pictured us getting married down there. ”

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Ever since the first time we visited your family,” Ali confirms. “That was the first time I really let myself think that we would end up getting married one day,” she says, absentmindedly running her fingers over the lines of Ashlyn’s tattoo sleeve. “It was the first time I allowed myself to picture us with kids running around one day. After that, I never really pictured us getting married anywhere else.”

 

“You really are the perfect woman,” Ashlyn says, grinning.

 

~

 

After celebrating their engagement all day, they finally decide to tell their close friends and family the next morning. Although they’re still stuck inside, they decide to make themselves somewhat presentable to FaceTime with their families. As promised, Deb is the first one they call. When Deb finally answers, she lights up when she sees Ali and Ashlyn both on the screen.

 

“Hi, Mom,” Ali greets, matching Deb’s grin.

 

“Hi, girls,” Deb replies. “Bored out of your minds during the snowstorm?”

 

Ali shakes her head. “It hasn’t been too bad, actually.”

 

“Yeah, it’s okay as long as we don’t have to go outside in it,” Ashlyn agrees.

 

Ali smiles as Deb tries to convince them that they should move to Florida (little does she know, they plan on doing just that). When she reaches up to scratch her nose with her left hand, however, Deb stops in the middle of her sentence.

 

“Alex is that what I think it is?”

 

Ali’s eyes go wide as she realizes what she did. Sure, announcing their engagement was the point of this call but they planned on waiting a little bit to catch up on other things before making the announcement. Now, she’s given it away by accidentally flashing her ring in front of the camera.

 

“Oh, that little thing? Yeah, I proposed yesterday afternoon,” Ashlyn says.

 

“I thought you were going to do it in a couple of weeks,” Deb replies.

 

“I couldn’t wait anymore,” Ashlyn grins. “I wanted to do something special but yesterday felt right so I just went with it.”

 

“I had no idea she was gonna do it,” Ali says. “We were just cuddling and talking in bed and she started saying all these wonderful things about me and our relationship. It’s funny because I kept picturing how she was going to do it but now I can’t imagine it any other way.” She turns to Ashlyn, grinning at her fiancée.

 

“Oh, I’m so excited,” Deb exclaims. “When and where do you think you’ll do it?”

 

“Don’t hold us to this because a lot can change but we’re thinking somewhere near you next Spring. Other than that we haven’t discussed much.”

 

“Well you’ll have to come down for a visit so we can celebrate and look at places.”

 

“Deal,” Ashlyn agrees.

 

“We should probably get going so we can tell Ash’s family the news,” Ali says. “We’ll talk later.”

 

“Sounds good,” Deb replies. “And text me a picture of your rings--I want to see closeups.”

 

After finishing up with Ali’s mom, they call Ashlyn’s family, Kyle (who is a little mad that he wasn’t the first to know but ecstatic for them nonetheless), and Ali’s dad. By the time they’re done talking to the most important people, it’s already after lunchtime and both women are more than happy to take a break from calling people.

 

“I can’t stop staring at my ring,” Ali comments, holding her left hand out in front of her as they eat.

 

“I know, I keep catching you looking at it,” Ashlyn replies. “I was so scared when you made me go into that jewelry store a few weeks ago. I thought you were going to fall in love with one there and you would’ve had two engagement rings.”

 

“I can show you a few if you want to get me a backup,” Ali jokes. “Better yet, get me a yellow gold one and a white gold one so I can switch them based on what I’m wearing.”

 

“Oh, sure, coming right up,” Ashlyn laughs. “Better yet, I could get you one for every day of the week.”

 

“Now we’re talking.” Ali pauses, taking a bite of her sandwich. “I’m pretty obsessed with your ring too. It looks good on you.”

 

“You just like that it tells the world I’m yours.”

 

“Mmm, I do like that, yes. But mostly I love knowing what it symbolizes. I love knowing that we’re making that commitment and that we’re gonna start a family and grow old together.”

 

“You’re such a sap,” Ashlyn deadpans.

 


	11. this weight's too much alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn make the big move to Florida and the stress of moving, opening a new business, and planning a wedding starts to get to Ashlyn.

 

After months of careful deliberation and planning, Ali and Ashlyn finally make the big move to Florida in late spring. Leaving New York is bittersweet for both of them. As much as they know they’re doing the right thing for their future, particularly their future family, it’s still hard to say goodbye to a city that gave them so much. 

 

Ali in particular always loved New York and dreamed about living there with Kyle and Liz since she was a teen. When they finally did all move there, it felt like such a big accomplishment for Ali, who had recently graduated college and was excited to start her life in the city of her dreams. Over the years, New York became home to her. No longer was it some pipe dream she held with her brother and best friend, it was home and she thought it always would be home. That changed, however, when she and Ashlyn started dating. Suddenly, she saw Ashlyn as her home and she knew that she would be happy almost anywhere as long as they were together. Once they visited Florida for the first time together and they had the luxury of seeing both of their families, she realized that there is nowhere else she would rather plan for a future with Ashlyn. 

 

Still, leaving her life in the city behind isn’t easy. She knows they’re doing what’s best for them and their future but New York has a lot of things to offer that other places don’t. 

 

For Ashlyn, living in New York was never something she really wanted to do. It was important to Cassidy and her career plans, though, so Ashlyn went along and made the best of it. As much as she missed her slower paced life back home, she made some great friends in the city and, best of all, living in New York led her right to Ali. For that reason, more than anything else, New York will always hold a special place in her heart. It’s more than a little ironic that her former relationship brought her to the exact place where she would meet the love of her life. She can’t imagine what her life would be like now if she and Cassidy had never moved to New York and she never met Ali. Ali fills her life with so much color and love and unrelenting support that she’s not quite sure how she lived so long without her in her life. 

 

They research where they want to live, ultimately settling on a town just under an hour north of Miami and while Ashlyn initially hoped to find somewhere a little closer to her own family, she knows this area will be the best for her and Ali’s future. 

 

As much as they would have loved to buy a place and only have to move once, they decide to rent a house for a few months to get settled into the area while they take their time looking for the home of their dreams. In the meantime, Ali gets started working in the local real estate market while Ashlyn starts making plans for her cafe and bakery. With Ali’s help, Ashlyn finds the perfect place for her bakery right across the street from the water in the main part of town. The building was formerly a restaurant so while it needs a few improvements to fall more in line with Ashlyn’s personal tastes, no major renovations are needed to convert it from restaurant to bakery and cafe. 

 

Between starting a new business, looking for a house, and planning a wedding, it’s all very overwhelming for Ashlyn. Most days, it takes so much energy that she hardly has time to focus on the stress of it all so she keeps pushing through with Ali by her side. 

 

If she stays busy enough, the stress doesn’t catch up to her. Today is not one of those days. 

 

She has just finished telling the delivery people where to set up the bakery’s new ovens when Ali calls her. She pushes through the swinging door that separates the kitchen from the front of the shop and accepts Ali’s call. 

 

“How soon can you leave?” Ali asks, foregoing a greeting. 

 

“Fifteen minutes,” Ashlyn replies. “Everything okay?”

 

“Everything’s great--I actually think I found the perfect house for us. Four bedrooms right on the ocean with the perfect mixture of modern and classic. Ash, you’re going to love it.” 

 

“Text me the address, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

“Will do. Love you.”

 

“Love you too.” 

 

As if by fate, the address Ali texts her is only three minutes down the road from the future site of Beach Bums Bakery & Cafe (as Ashlyn has dubbed it) so Ashlyn knows she likes it before she even arrives. With both the bakery and the potential house right on the water, the commute is pretty much a dream. When Ashlyn pulls up in front of the house, she sees why Ali was so excited about it. Standing two stories tall, the exterior of the house is a fresh, clean white which is both of their preferred exterior color. Even seeing Ali’s car parked out front feels natural for Ashlyn. As she puts her own car in park and sees Ali come outside to greet her, she can’t help but smile. 

 

“This is gorgeous,” Ashlyn says, gesturing to the house. 

 

“Wait until you see the inside,” Ali replies. She takes Ashlyn’s hand, leading her into the house. “It actually just came on the market today. I wanted to get you here as soon as possible because this place will not sit for long.” 

 

The first floor is spacious and open with dark hardwood floors and light walls. Even from the front entryway, Ashlyn can see the ocean through the floor to ceiling windows at the back of the house, giving nearly the entire first floor a spectacular view. “Holy shit,” Ashlyn exclaims, drifting towards the large windows. 

 

“Wait until you see the view from the master balcony,” Ali says, guiding Ashlyn upstairs. All four bedrooms are on the second floor with the master bedroom and one of the smaller bedrooms facing the ocean and the other two bedrooms across the hall. 

 

“Don’t even say it,” Ashlyn says as they check out the bedroom right across from the master. 

 

Ali turns to Ashlyn, smiling as she feigns innocence. “You know I have to.” She takes Ashlyn’s hand, turning back to check out the room. “This would make the perfect nursery.” 

 

“You’ve said that about almost every house we’ve looked at.” 

 

“I can’t help it,” Ali replies, shrugging. “Buying a house is a big step for our future and we both want kids to be part of that future. It’s an important thing to consider.” 

 

“It is,” Ashlyn agrees. “My first thought was that this would make a nice nursery. I think this is a great house for us. There’s plenty of room to grow but not so much that it would be overwhelming while it’s still just us.”

 

Ali turns to face Ashlyn again, taking both of Ashlyn’s hands in her own and swinging them playfully. “So you think we should make an offer?”

 

“I think we’d be fools not to.” 

 

Ashlyn loops her arms around Ashlyn’s neck, grinning as she meets her eyes. “It’s a really good thing you said that because I kind of already made an offer.” 

 

“You did?” 

 

Ali nods. “I knew you would love it and I couldn’t wait. You have to be quick with places like this one.” 

 

“What if I didn’t like it?”

 

“I have ways of convincing you,” Ali shrugs. 

 

“Which are?” 

 

Ali smirks as she meets Ashlyn’s eyes. “I would've had my way with you in here before the owners get back.” 

 

Ashlyn bites her bottom lip, the image of them trying to hurry before the owners get home playing through her mind. She has a feeling it wouldn't help their case to get the house too much if they got caught. The fantasy is pretty sexy, however, and she makes a mental note that they should act it out when they get back to their rental place.

 

Suddenly, Ashlyn’s phone starts ringing from her pocket. “Oh shit,” she exclaims, remembering that she's expecting another delivery at the bakery. In her excitement about the house, she had completely forgotten that she was waiting for the table and chair delivery. “I have to head back.” She swipes to answer the call and promises that she’ll be there in five minutes before the deliery person can even suggest rescheduling. 

 

Ali follows her out of the house, giving her a quick kiss before they get into their respective cars. 

 

When Ashlyn gets back to the bakery, she apologizes profusely for being late and props open the door for the delivery people. When they start bringing the tables and chairs in, however, she quickly realizes that these are not the ones she ordered. The tables are far too big for the space and clash with the vibe Ashlyn is going for. 

 

She stops the delivery people in their tracks, immediately finding the supervisor of the job to figure out what went wrong. As it turns out, the correct tables and chairs were ordered but the wrong ones were sent. The fix is easy enough (and Ashlyn is thankful that the mistake wasn’t on her end and that she won’t be stuck with the wrong order as a result) but the correct order happens to be backordered and won't arrive for six weeks. 

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she mutters as soon as the delivery people leave. She sits in her car and dials Ali’s number, ready to rant about the entire situation. 

 

“Hey, everything okay?” Ali asks, her tone quiet. She sounds rushed and Ashlyn remembers that she had other showings scheduled for the day. 

 

“Yeah,” Ashlyn replies. “Sorry, I forgot you were with clients. We’ll talk when you get home.” 

 

“Don't forget we’re meeting with Jackie to look at wedding locations today,” Ali says. “But I promise we can talk later tonight, okay? Love you.”

 

“Love you,” Ashlyn says. She tosses her phone onto the passenger seat, throwing her head back against the headrest as she tries not to cry. The mixup with the tables was simple and will be resolved in six weeks when the correct tables are delivered. They were, however, a big part of the bakery coming together and considering Ashlyn planned on opening within the month, it's a major setback to getting the place up and running. All she wanted was to rant to Ali about the mistake and while she knows Ali promised they'll talk tonight, she also knows it's not likely. She knows that Ali will be excited about the wedding locations and want to debate the merits of each one while they're still fresh in their minds and Ashlyn won't have the heart to bring down her mood with her frustrations. 

 

When they initially started planning their wedding, they both agreed that they wanted small and simple but as time went on, everything seemed to get bigger and more complicated. The ideal guests lists kept growing and, as a result, so did the necessary location size. 

 

She holds herself together just long enough to drive back to their tiny rental. She kicks her shoes off just inside the door and collapses onto the couch, unable to hold back her emotions anymore. With her face buried in the plus throw pillow, she finally lets her tears flow. She must cry herself to sleep at some point because Ali wakes her later that afternoon. 

 

“Hey,” Ali says softly, bending down to brush Ashlyn’s hair away from her face. 

 

Ashlyn clears her throat, rolling onto her back to take Ali into her arms. “How long until we have to leave?” she asks as she holds Ali in her arms. 

 

“About ten minutes.” 

 

Ashlyn resists the urge to groan, allowing Ali to help her get off of the couch. She feels far away the entire time they look at wedding locations, her mind drifting as Ali and their wedding planner (a friend they made shortly after they moved to the area who gave them an amazing deal for her expertise) discuss the different spaces they’re visiting, only paying enough attention to agree with whatever Ali says. 

 

As much as she tries, she can’t focus on these too similar wedding venues. 

 

Her mind wanders to the bakery, which will certainly not open on time. It wanders to the house they’ve just put an offer on and all the packing they’ll have to do if their offer is accepted. She loves the house and can picture raising a family with Ali there but part of her selfishly hopes that they won’t get it so she doesn’t have to worry about moving. As soon as those thoughts cross her mind, she does her best to push them aside while feeling guilty that she would ever think such a thing when Ali is clearly so excited about the house. 

 

“I like this one the best,” Ali says, standing in what could potentially be their reception space. “What do you think, babe?” 

 

“It’s nice,” Ashlyn says, smiling. Truthfully, this place seems almost exactly like the last place they visited and she wasn’t paying enough attention to listen when Ali and Jackie discussed the pros and cons of each one. 

 

Ali takes the information for both places they visited from Jackie, promising that they’ll make their decision within the next few days. Ali talks nearly the whole way home about the two potential wedding and reception sites and Ashlyn can’t help but feel a little annoyed at how excited Ali is when she feels nothing but stress piling up. 

 

“Hey, have you decided if you want to invite Kelley to the wedding or not?” Ali asks when they stop at a light.

 

Ashlyn sighs. “No,” she answers. “She’s my friend, obviously, but how could I ask her to fly down here for the wedding and be like ‘oh, hey, by the way, you can’t bring your girlfriend because your girlfriend is my ex wife and I don’t want her at my wedding nor would she want to be there’.” 

 

“Understandable.” 

 

Ashlyn doesn’t say anything more and Ali watches as her fianceé puts all her focus on the road in front of them. Ashlyn hasn’t been her usual self this evening and it’s starting to worry her. 

 

“Are you okay?” Ali asks when they pull into the driveway. “You seem out of it today.”

 

Ashlyn turns the car off, looking over at Ali. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just tired--it’s been a long day.”

 

“Well then let’s get inside and cuddle until we fall asleep, how does that sound?” 

 

Ashlyn smiles--a real genuine smile for the first time since they looked at the house earlier. “That sounds perfect.” 

 

They don’t talk much as they change into their pajamas and when they get cuddled in bed, Ashlyn thinks she might fall asleep in record time. 

 

“How was your day?” Ali asks quietly as she tickles Ashlyn’s arm. 

 

“Kind of shitty.”

 

“Oh yeah? Why?” 

 

“Well, you know how I was late for the table and chair delivery? Turns out, it didn’t matter because they were the wrong ones. They were way bigger than what I actually ordered and didn’t look right at all so I had to send them back. So we called to find out when they could deliver the correct stuff. It’s backordered so it won’t be here for at least six weeks which really sucks because I was hoping to open in about four weeks. So it was stressful.” 

 

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. That sucks,” Ali says. She curls closer to Ashlyn, pressing a gentle kiss to her collarbone. 

 

“It does,” Ashlyn agrees. “It really does.” 

 

~

 

Two days later, Ali gets the call that their offer on the house was accepted. She doesn’t have many showings that day so she decides to make a celebratory dinner for Ashlyn and heads to the grocery store,. She knows Ashlyn has been stressed recently so she thinks that a homemade dinner to celebrate getting the house of their dreams will be the perfect way to relieve some of that stress. With the ingredients gathered, Ali spends the afternoon making Ashlyn’s grandma’s mac and cheese recipe (which she wasn’t allowed to know until she and Ashlyn were engaged) with sides of garlic bread. When Ashlyn texts her that she’s almost done getting things ready at the bakery for the day, Ali runs to the bedroom, putting Ashlyn’s favorite red lace lingerie set on under a basic black dress. 

 

Ali is just setting the table when Ashlyn arrives home. 

 

“Is that mac and cheese I smell?” Ashlyn asks, coming into the dining room. 

 

“Sure is,” Ali replies, looping her arms around Ashlyn’s waist. She pulls her close, kissing her deeply. “We’re celebrating.”

 

Ashlyn playfully gasps, pulling back to look at Ali. “You’re pregnant,” she exclaims. 

 

Ali rolls her eyes, swatting Ashlyn on the chest. “Yes, that’s exactly it,” she says, playing along. 

 

“I knew it. I’m just too good.”

 

Ashlyn smirks which almost never fails to make Ali’s heart flutter. Ali kisses Ashlyn again before finally pulling away, holding eye contact. “We’re celebrating because we got the house.” 

 

“That’s great,” Ashlyn exclaims, face lit up in a smile. “It’s gonna be an awesome place for us, I can tell already.” 

 

Ali hums her agreement, gesturing for Ashlyn to take her seat at the table. “I can already picture us passing a baby back and forth as we drink our coffee on the back patio.”

 

“And me teaching the kids to surf right in our backyard,” Ashlyn adds. 

 

“Yeah, we’ll have to talk about that one,” Ali replies. “But best of all, I think we’ll be happy there even when we’re old and retired.”

 

“You know I’m down with never moving again.” 

 

“I’ll toast to that,” Ali says, holding up her wine glass, prompting Ashlyn to do the same. 

 

Conversation is light during dinner and for the first time in weeks, Ashlyn feels like they have actually accomplished something. With the bakery, she often feels like she’s just spinning her wheels. It seems like every day there’s another setback and she hasn’t even opened the place yet which she hopes is not a sign of things to come. They haven’t yet made much progress planning their wedding either but she knows Ali is itching to start making moves on that front. With one big thing off of their to do list, Ashlyn feels like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders. 

 

~

 

The celebratory feeling doesn’t last long. 

 

Although they only planned on being in their rental house for a short period of time, they still unpacked most of their belongings to make it feel more like a home. With only a few weeks to move out of their rental and into their new home, almost every night involves discussing wedding plans while they pack, leaving very little time to relax. 

 

Making matters worse is that the bakery has faced yet another setback. In the days before the failed table and chair deliver, Ashlyn had interviewed and hired a few employees that she felt would be a real asset to her team. With the delay in opening (and their official start dates), two of these employees took different jobs where they could start immediately. The teenager she hired for the front counter should be easy enough to replace but the other employee, an experienced baker who was to help Ashlyn in the kitchen, will be much more difficult to replace. 

 

It all feels like it’s going to boil over. 

 

When she returns to their rental home after interviewing replacement employees all day, Ali is already packing boxes in the living room. 

 

“Hey,” Ali greets, standing up to greet Ashlyn with a hug and a kiss. “Find anyone good?” 

 

“No one,” Ashlyn replies. “I think there aren’t many people who want to take a chance working for a brand new business.” 

 

“You’ll find someone,” Ali says, kissing Ashlyn again. “It’ll all come together.” She drops back down to the floor, packing more of their belongings into a box labeled ‘living room’. 

 

“Hey, Al?” Ashlyn starts, dropping down onto the couch, mentally and physically exhausted. “Can we not worry about packing tonight?” 

 

“Sure,” Ali says, moving to sit next to Ashlyn on the couch. “Want to go over the guest list?” 

 

Ashlyn sighs. “No, not really.” She pauses, gathering her thoughts. “Actually, I was kind of thinking we should hit pause on wedding plans for a little while.” 

 

Ali turns to look at Ashlyn, hurt and confusion evident on her face. “What do you mean? You’re scaring me. You proposed to me, remember? And now you--”

 

“Don’t be scared,” Ashlyn says, taking Ali’s hand. “I was just thinking it would be less stressful if we take a break from wedding planning until we’re more settled.”

 

“So you want to push the wedding back?” 

 

Ali’s tone is demanding and accusatory but Ashlyn considers the question nonetheless. She wants to marry Ali more than anything but with all she has going on, she feels like she needs a break from planning for a bit. If that pushes back the wedding then that’s what she has to do to keep her head above water. “I guess, maybe. I don’t know what I want.” 

 

Ali moves her hand away from Ashlyn’s, crossing her arms. She doesn’t say anything but her body language is saying plenty. Ashlyn watches her fianceé’s body language and while she would normally move to comfort her, she knows now is not the time. She also knows that she has about thirty seconds to explain herself before Ali really goes off.

 

“Please just hear me out, okay? I’m not saying I don’t want to marry you. God, I want that more than anything. Believe that.”

 

“Really? Because it sure doesn’t sound like it,” Ali snaps. 

 

Ali looks like she’s about to cry and Ashlyn regrets even bringing this up. She can see the hurt on her fianceé’s face and it breaks her heart. A silence falls between them as Ashlyn tries to figure out how to dig herself out of this hole. She feels like she's on trial and all of her words, every defense, feel inadequate to properly explain herself. 

 

Part of her wants to tell Ali to forget she ever said anything. She can push through these next few stressful weeks and months and they won’t have to push the wedding back more than they already have. 

 

The rest of her knows that if she can’t talk to Ali about this, she can’t talk to anyone about it. She and Ali are partners and it isn’t fair to either of them for one to suffer silently, their troubles unbeknownst to the other. 

 

When Ashlyn speaks again, it’s more cautious than before. It’s softer and quieter as she pleads with Ali to see things her way. “Ali, I love you more than anything. You know that, right? There is nothing I want more than to be your wife. I’m not saying I want to cancel the wedding or even put it off, really, so please just listen to me at I explain.”

 

“Go on,” Ali says, uncrossing her arms but maintaining her distance. It’s the best Ashlyn can hope for at the moment and she hopes that she will be able to explain herself well.

 

“I just have so much going on right now with getting settled and the bakery and now moving again and the wedding that I feel like I’m drowning. It’s too much all at once and I feel like maybe if we take a break from wedding planning for a bit, I’ll have a better grip on everything else. On top of all that, I really, really miss you. When was the last time we just spent time together without going over house listings or wedding plans or packing? So I have all this stuff I’m worried about and then I feel like we’re not as connected as we usually are and it’s been hard to deal with.” 

 

“Why didn’t you talk to me about this sooner?” Ali asks. “Honey, if I had known--”

 

“I know,” Ashlyn says, taking Ali’s hand. “I kept thinking that things would get easier. I thought that once we got our house that it would be easier to focus on the bakery and the wedding but packing has only added more stress. We’ve already got the house and the bakery is set to open so it’s not like we can pause either one of those things. As much as I hate it, the wedding is the only thing we can take a break from.” 

 

“I understand where you’re coming from,” Ali says. She chews on her bottom lip in thought. “But I’m not happy about this. With the move down here, we’ve already pushed the wedding back over six months from what we initially hoped.”

 

“Do you think I’m happy about this?” Ashlyn questions. She’s a little more defensive than she meant to be but she needs Ali to understand that this isn’t something she wants--she just needs a break from all the planning to keep sane. “You hit the ground running here and I’m so, so proud of you but it hasn’t been that easy for me. I cannot wait to marry you which is why it’s taken me so long to talk to you about this. I want to give you the wedding of your dreams and I will give you that once we get more settled. Trust me, if there was a better option, I would take it.” 

 

Ali takes Ashlyn’s hands, finally softening. “I don’t need a big, fancy wedding. You know that, right? I know that things have been getting bigger and bigger recently but all I care about is getting to marry you. I’d be more than happy to do something small in our backyard when we move and you wouldn’t have to worry about it at all.”

 

“You would really be happy with that? You always seemed so excited when we met with Jackie to make plans.” 

 

“As long as you’re waiting for me at the end of the aisle, I don’t care where we are or how many people are there to see. Deb Deb and I can plan something small for only our closest friends and family which is what we initially wanted anyway, right? We could probably even pull it off in early March. That way, you don’t have to worry about anything and we won’t have to put it on hold at all. We could actually get married earlier than we thought which, if you ask me, is a great solution because I didn’t want to wait to begin with.” 

 

“If you’re okay with it, that sounds great.” 

 

Ali smiles, moving to straddle Ashlyn’s lap. “It’s settled, then. And I’m gonna start helping you at the bakery, okay? I’ll leave the baking to you but I can clean up or make coffee or whatever you need when I’m not with clients. You don’t have to do all this alone.” 

 

“How are you the perfect woman?” 

 

“I don’t know, I just am,” Ali says. She smiles as she leans down to kiss Ashlyn, hands tangling in Ashlyn’s hair. She’s gentle with her kisses as she tries to convey just how much she loves Ashlyn. Even she knows that their wedding plans have gotten slightly out of control recently. Neither of them wanted a big wedding to begin with and although she knows Jackie meant well with offering to help, they’d slowly but surely departed from the wedding she and Ashlyn and always talked and dreamed about. 

 

At the end of the day, she and Ashlyn are the only ones that matter. 

 

When she looks back on their wedding day, she wants to know that the day was the best representation of them and their love. Sure, they both have a large network of friends which is how the guest list became so extensive to begin with. But with the larger guest list came larger and fancier venues. They don’t need the guest list or the venue to be the focus of their wedding. The focus of their wedding needs to be about them and their love which can certainly speak for itself. 

 

The wedding locations they’d looked at were beautiful, there’s no doubt about that, but Ali loves the beautiful simplicity of planning a wedding at their home. Their home where they will one day raise a family seems like the perfect place to promise each other the future. They’ll get to celebrate the ultimate profession of love in their own home surrounded only by those closest to them. It will be one of (hopefully) many wonderful memories at their house and one day, they’ll be able to show their kids the exact spot where they got married, where they officially started their life together. 

 

“I love you,” Ali whispers, her breath tickling Ashlyn’s ear. 

 

“I love you more.” 

 

The continue kissing with Ali on Ashlyn’s lap for a few minutes before Ali stands up, reaching to help Ashlyn off of the couch and leading the way into the bedroom. 

 

For the night, Ashlyn forgets all about her worries and responsibility, instead focusing on Ali and their love. She sleeps easily that night for the first time in a long time and when she wakes in the morning to the sun shining on Ali’s face, she knows that everything is going to work out. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will wrap this one up :/ I do have some follow up stories in this universe ready to go. Would you rather I post them essentially as additional chapters to this fic or make a separate fic for the collection of one shots like I did with Playing House? I'm leaning towards just tacking them onto this one but I'd like to know what you think. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	12. making it ain't making it without you

  


Ali and Ashlyn move into their new home two weeks before the bakery opens. Before they moved in, Ashlyn figured it might take a while to get settled and for it to feel like home but that assumption proved to be false as soon as they opened the door. As they stood in their entryway, Ashlyn had the overwhelming sense that this house was built and designed just for them. They haven’t even brought in any of their belongings from the moving truck yet and it already feels like they’ve lived there for years. It’s almost as if she’s recalling memories that haven’t yet been made.

 

The wedding in their own back yard.

 

Lazy Sunday mornings watching soccer on tv.

 

Bringing their child home for the first time.

 

Returning home after a long, exhausting day at the bakery to their kids playing in the living room and Ali making dinner in the kitchen.

 

Ashlyn can imagine it all and her heart feels like it's going to overflow with love and joy.

 

~

 

With Ali’s help and minimal new setbacks, the bakery opens the day after the table and chair delivery, just two weeks later than the planned opening date.

 

Business is slow, at first, but they begin building a loyal clientele and although they operate in the red for the first few months, Ashlyn is confident that business will only continue to grow. The holiday season brings good business with lots of large pre-orders for parties which, in turn, bring even more customers who had already tasted the treats at holiday parties.

 

With New Year’s resolutions, a January lull follows the holiday season but Valentine’s Day brings yet another rush. With two weeks left before Ali and Ashlyn are set to marry, Valentine’s day and the weekend that follow are some of the busiest days the bakery has ever seen, a good sign for the future.

 

“I think we made a decent profit today,” Ali says. She scrolls through the electronic receipt totals on the iPad, which seem to be more numerous than a normal day. “Not too bad.”

 

“Any profit is decent at this stage,” Ashlyn replies. She sprays the front counter, wiping it down. “You want to take anything home tonight?”

 

Ali shakes her head. “We still have a few muffins at home from yesterday. Besides, I have a wedding dress to fit into in two weeks and I’ve done more than enough sampling recently.”

 

“That’s what you get for falling in love with a baker. The sampling was for a good cause, at least, because we needed to pick flavors for our wedding cake anyway.”

 

Ali walks around the counter, putting the chairs upside down on the tables so she can sweep the floor. She’s been helping at the bakery whenever she’s not working with clients so she ends up helping Ashlyn close up almost every night. They’ve both put a lot of hours into the place and while it’s hard work, they’ve slowly started to see it all pay off.

 

During the first few weeks in business, it seemed as if they spent more time at the bakery than at home but now that things have settled down a bit, they’ve found a better balance. Ashlyn’s second in command, Julia, is a God send and has taken on a lot of responsibility. She’s become such a crucial, trusted member of the team that they’re leaving her in charge of the bakery when they go on their honeymoon. At first, they almost decided to wait on their honeymoon to continue working at the bakery but now that they have such a competent, trustworthy team, they feel comfortable enough to take a week off for their honeymoon.

 

“As much as I love this place, I’m really glad we decided to take a honeymoon,” Ali muses aloud as she works. “I think we need it.”

 

“Definitely,” Ashlyn agrees. She slides open the doors to the front display cases and carefully boxes up the leftovers for when the shelter they donate to comes in to pick it up in the morning. Just as when she lived in New York, giving back is important to her so even before the bakery officially opened, she got in contact with a local shelter to set up daily donations from the bakery. As long as someone comes for a pickup in the morning, they can have the previous day’s leftovers. More often than not, they end up with a couple of loaves of bread and three or four boxes of mixed other goods: donuts, muffins, scones, and cupcakes. They don’t have as much leftover today which is a good sign for business but Ashlyn knows she’ll probably text Julia to throw in a few fresh goods in the morning while she and Ali enjoy a much needed day off.

 

With everything for their wedding set and ready to go, they end up relaxing on the couch with wine and their favorite show.

 

“Can you believe we’ll be married two weeks from today?” Ashlyn asks in between episodes. “Two weeks, Al, and then you really are stuck with me.”

 

“I can’t wait,” Ali replies. She puts her hand on Ashlyn’s cheek, pulling her closer as she presses a kiss to the other cheek. “We’ll finally be married; I’m so excited.”

 

“You’re gonna be the best second wife a girl could ask for,” Ashlyn jokes, eliciting a laugh from Ali. “And, you know, the best wife in general because obviously my last one did not work out.”

 

“You think you’ll go for number three?” Ali teases, a smirk on her face. “Because if so we should get a prenup.”

 

“No, no, I’m not an idiot, I know I’ve got the best woman. In 30 years or so, you and I will be sitting right here talking about our children’s weddings. I’m sure of that.”

 

“You think we’ll still be sneaking off for wedding quickies then even though we’ll be old and grey?”

 

“I think so,” Ashlyn laughs. “Though if we thought getting caught in the act by my ex was mortifying, I can’t imagine getting caught by our kids.”

 

“Well, _someone_ will have to make sure they lock the door,” Ali says with a pointed look at Ashlyn.  

 

“I think I can manage that. But first, we have to make it through our wedding.”

 

~

 

With the countdown to the wedding in full swing, their excitement carries them through even the longest, hardest work days. Their moods are palpable at the bakery, where everyone seems to work with bigger and brighter smiles during the lead up to the wedding. Business has been great as well, with most new customers commenting on what wonderful things they heard about the bakery from their friends and family which only heightens the positive energy.  

 

“You nervous for the wedding? Only three more days,” Julia asks one day as she and Ashlyn are preparing muffins, donuts, and scones for the morning rush.

 

“Not at all,” Ashlyn replies, smiling. “I can’t wait. And I love that we decided to do something small with just our closest friends and family. When we were talking before, it seemed like we were going to end up with 200 guests. I had that before and it was a fun time but, I don’t know, I feel like a small wedding will make it feel more special for us and our guests.”

 

“Oh, definitely,” Julia agrees. “My husband and I had a small wedding and I wouldn’t change anything. The day is about you and Ali so as long as the people closest to you are there, you don’t need anything more than that.”

 

“You gonna stop by for a bit when you’re done here?”

 

“Of course,” Julia smiles.

 

“I can’t thank you enough for being willing to hold down the fort here while Ali and I are away.”

 

“Don’t mention it--every couple deserves a nice honeymoon without any worries.”

 

Ashlyn smiles as she pulls fresh muffins out of the oven, thoughts of a relaxing honeymoon on her mind as the room fills with the pleasant aroma of freshly baked blueberry muffins. They’d considered Europe as their honeymoon destination but considering how busy they’ve been with the bakery, they want a quiet honeymoon without feeling like they have to sightsee every day to get their money’s worth. They’d also considered going back to Hawaii but wanted to try somewhere new so they ultimately decided upon a beach resort in Thailand. It’ll be a different cultural experience for them and they will be able to explore without feeling like they’re wasting a trip if they want to stay by the beach or in bed.

 

With just a few days before the wedding, Ali doesn’t come to the bakery that day, instead deciding to stay home and get things ready with Deb, Kyle, Whitney, and Liz. There’s still quite a bit to do but with so much help, they get everything done with ease and are relaxing in the living room when Ashlyn gets home from the bakery.

 

“How was your day?” Ali asks, standing up to greet Ashlyn with a kiss.

 

“Pretty good,” Ashlyn replies. “We did decent business today. But it’s a little weird knowing that today was my last day for two weeks.”

 

Ali hums her agreement, standing on her toes to kiss Ashlyn again. “Somehow I think we’ll forget all about the bakery while we’re on our honeymoon,” she whispers.

 

“I’m counting on it.”

 

Ali takes Ashlyn’s hand and leads her into the living room where everyone is chatting. Ever the charmer, Ashlyn greets Deb first with an embrace and a kiss to each cheek.

 

“Deb, I can’t thank you enough for picking these goons up at the airport this morning,” Ashlyn says, gesturing to their other three guests.

 

“No worries at all,” Deb replies, grinning. “Anything to help you two. Who do you have coming in tomorrow?”

 

“We have a few more friends coming from New York in the afternoon,” Ali answers. “I think Whit was gonna pick them up, right?”

 

“Right,” Whitney replies, nodding.

 

Ali smiles, continuing, “Dad and the rest of the Virginia family are coming down tomorrow but they got a rental car so I don’t think anyone else needs to be picked up.”

 

“Well, let me know if anyone else needs a ride, I’ll be happy to help.”

 

“You’ve already done more than enough, believe me,” Ali replies.

 

“There’s not much left to do, is there?” Ashlyn asks.

 

Ali shakes her head. “We got a lot done today. The tables and chairs rentals were delivered so all we have to do is have someone set them up Saturday morning. Other than that, we’re good to go.”

 

~

 

When Ali and Ashlyn moved into their new home, they decided to use only two of the spare bedrooms as guest rooms, leaving the fourth and final bedroom as a storage space and future nursery. They figured it wouldn't really be necessary to have three guest rooms, for which they had to purchase furniture, only to turn it into a nursery in a few years. Luckily, Deb lives close enough that she doesn’t have to stay which leaves Kyle a room to himself while Liz and Whitney share the other guest room (though everyone does have a hotel booked for the wedding night--no one was really interested in being in such close proximity to the newlyweds that night).

 

Everyone sleeps in the next morning in preparation for the late night to follow as they celebrate a bachelorette party for Ali and Ashlyn. Ashlyn is the first to wake as her body has grown used to waking up early to work at the bakery. She watches Ali sleep for a while, taking in the beautiful sight before her as her fiancée sleeps peacefully. After about a half an hour, Ali’s eyes begin to flutter open.

 

“Good morning, wife to be,” Ashlyn says gently, pressing a soft kiss to Ali’s temple. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“I had a dream about the wedding,” Ali replies, voice raspy with sleep. “You weren’t wearing any pants.”

 

“That sounds more like a premonition than a dream,” Ashlyn deadpans.

 

“If you try to marry me without any pants on, Ashlyn, I swear to god.”

 

“No, of course not, but I will be pantsless by the end of the night. And we’ll celebrate right here in our bed.”

 

Ali hums, rolling over so she’s on top of Ashlyn, who seems taken aback by the sudden move. “What? We gotta practice,” Ali says, grinning as she leans down to kiss Ashlyn.

 

By the time Ali and Ashlyn finally make it downstairs, Liz and Whitney are both in the kitchen. A pot of coffee is brewing on the counter, filling the room with a pleasant aroma. Ashlyn gets to work almost immediately as she makes french toast and sausage for everyone. Kyle, who is still partially on LA time, joins them just as Ashlyn finishes cooking.

 

When Whitney returns from the airport with Alex and Serv and Carm later in the afternoon, Ali is incredibly thankful that they accomplished most of their pre-wedding tasks already. With a full house of friends they haven’t seen in months, she can’t imagine how they would manage to get anything of importance done. When it comes time to get ready to go to the bar, Alex and Serv order a car to take them to their hotel.

 

Ali insists on getting ready separately from Ashlyn so Ali, Carm, and Liz all get ready in the master bedroom while Ashlyn, Whitney, and Kyle get ready in the guest bedrooms. Ali bought a new dress specifically for the occasion and when she emerges from the master bathroom, Carm shakes her head.

 

“You need to change,” Carm says.

 

“What? Why?” Ali asks, looking down at her ensemble. The bodycon dress is a bright, vibrant red with an embroidered lace bustier. It’s incredibly sexy and Ali has been looking forward to wearing it for weeks, knowing that it will drive Ashlyn crazy all night.

 

“Because you look too fucking sexy,” Carm answers.

 

“Seriously, Ali,” Liz says. “We’re going out for your bachelorette party and we can’t do that if you and Ashlyn never make it out of the house. Without the guests of honor, it’s just a normal night at the bar.”

 

Ali rolls her eyes. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take,” she replies, shrugging.

 

“You love to torture that poor woman,” Liz comments, standing in front of the full length mirror as she puts earrings in.

 

“Yeah, well, don’t feel too bad for her because she does get to sleep with me so the teasing isn’t for nothing.”

 

When Ashlyn finally sees Ali just as they’re about to leave, Ali giggles as it looks like Ashlyn’s eyes are going to roll into the back of her head. “Holy shit,” Ashlyn breathes, hands instantly going to Ali’s hips as she pulls her flush against her. Forgetting about their guests for a moment, she slides her hand to Ali’s ass, gripping tightly.

 

Ali lets out a surprised yelp at Ashlyn being slightly more aggressive than normal. She recovers from the surprise and leans forward to kiss her fiancée again.

 

“Easy, will you?” Kyle groans. “Remember that your sweet, innocent brother can’t drink when you guys are too disgusting.”

 

“Sorry, Ky,” Ashlyn says, stepping away from Ali and shoving her hands into her pockets to reduce the temptation to touch. “Though, one way or the other, I think you’re going to end up seeing more than you want tonight--your sister is a pretty handsy drunk.” On second thought, she continues, “actually, she’s pretty handsy all the time.”

 

Ali shrugs. “I can’t resist.”  

 

“Hopefully I can find a cute boy to keep me entertained, then.”

 

The early part of the night goes just as expected: everyone (sans Kyle) gets pretty drunk within an hour and takes to the dancefloor. Neither Ali nor Ashlyn are willing to wear any typical bachelorette party garb so there’s really nothing to distinguish their group from any other. Most of the night, this isn’t a problem at all but when Ashlyn returns from a bathroom break to find some random guy trying to dance with Ali (who clearly isn’t interested), Ashlyn feels a flash of anger. She makes her way over to Ali, snaking her arms around her waist from behind.

 

“Hey, baby,” Ashlyn says, voice loud enough for the creepy dude to hear. When he still doesn’t leave, she starts peppering Ali’s shoulder and neck with kisses until Ali spins in her arms, kissing Ashlyn on the mouth.

 

They kiss deeply for a few seconds, getting lost in one another. When they finally pull apart, they’re both aware that the guy is still hovering but neither can bring themselves to care. Ali rests a hand on Ashlyn’s chest as they catch their breath.

 

“Come on, I think we need another drink,” Ashlyn says, taking Ali’s hand and leading her to the bar. Joined by Alex and Serv, they do another round of shots, which is sure to push them from buzzed to drunk.

 

They dance for hours still and when they finally decide to head home, Ali and Carm are the drunkest of all. Kyle, Liz, and Whit are tasked with wrangling Carm while Ashlyn, of course, takes care of Ali.

 

When they make it home, Ali stumbles into their bedroom with Ashlyn following close behind. “You’re shitfaced,” Ashlyn laughs, watching as Ali tries to keep her balance. Ali is so drunk that even something as simple as standing in one place seems like a task for her and although Ashlyn knows a rough morning will follow, she can't help but think about how adorable Ali is.

 

“I’m not,” Ali tries, her words slurred. She reaches behind her back, fumbling for her zipper. She can’t seem to grasp the tiny piece of metal and she grows more and more frustrated with each failed attempt.  

 

“I’ll get it,” Ashlyn says. She brushes Ali’s hair out of the way and easily unzips her dress. Ali shimmies out of the tight dress, almost falling a few times because she’s so unsteady on her feet. Ashlyn watches in amusement as Ali takes her panties off before dropping down onto their bed completely naked.

 

“Baby, I’m really drunk,” Ali wines.

 

Ashlyn laughs as she undresses as well, throwing on a cut off tank and a pair of shorts. “I tried to tell you.” She curls up next to Ali, rubbing her back. She’s looked forward to getting Ali naked in their bed all night and while this isn’t quite how she imagined it, she can’t help but smile at her drunk fianceé.

 

After a few minutes, Ashlyn thinks that Ali has fallen asleep but when Ali suddenly bursts into tears, Ashlyn looks on with concern. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m so excited to marry you,” Ali replies, sniffling.

 

Ashlyn laughs as she helps wipe Ali’s tears.

 

“Why are you laughing at me? Don’t laugh at me.”

 

“Because you’re adorable,” Ashlyn replies. “And because you’re incredibly drunk. And because I love you and I’m really excited to marry you too. Mostly I’m laughing because you’re cute. We should get some sleep, though, we have a busy day tomorrow.”

 

~

 

After a slow, hungover morning, the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner go off without a problem. That night, they switch up the sleeping arrangements a little, going with the traditional not sharing a bed the night before the wedding. In the shuffle, Ali ends up sharing Kyle’s guest room while Whit takes Ali’s spot and Carm shares the other guest room with Liz.

 

“How do you feel?” Whitney asks as she and Ashlyn get settled for the night.

 

“Excited,” Ashlyn replies, grinning. “I’m marrying my best friend.”

 

“Rude.”

 

“Sorry, Whit,” Ashlyn laughs. “I do feel really good, though. All of the bad stuff led me right to Ali and I’ve never felt so… content. We’re ready for this and I’m excited for our future.”

 

“I’m excited for you,” Whitney says. “You deserve all the happiness in the world and I’m so happy you’ve found it with Ali.”

 

“Thanks, that means a lot,” Ashlyn replies. “Now, I need to try to get some sleep. I get to marry a beautiful woman tomorrow.”

 

~

 

While Ali and Ashlyn agreed to sleep in different rooms the night before the wedding, there’s no real way to keep them from seeing each other the day of the wedding, especially since they’re getting married at their home. In the morning, they both try to help their families set up the tables and chairs outside but are turned away, assured by their parents and brothers that everything is under control. Naturally, as soon as everything is set up, clouds roll in, the promise of a downpour in the weather forecast. Their only saving grace is that they’d made a last minute decision to order a large party tent to cover the reception area, keeping everything dry.

 

Ultimately, they decide to push the wedding up by a few hours to ensure that they’re not getting married in the pouring rain.

 

“I know I said I couldn’t wait to marry you, but I definitely didn’t expect to do it before lunchtime,” Ali comments just before they separate to get ready.

 

Ashlyn laughs, holing Ali close. “Isn’t rain the day of the wedding supposed to be good luck? If it pours, just think about how lucky we’ll be.”

 

“The luckiest.”

 

Since they decided to get married a few hours earlier than expected, neither woman has as long to get ready as they initially planned. This leaves Ali to settle on simpler hair and makeup than she originally intended but by the time Kyle finishes curling her hair into loose waves, she can’t imagine going with another hair style. When she steps into her dress: a flowy cream colored a line with a chiffon skirt, she can’t help but stare at herself in the mirror.

 

“You look beautiful, baby,” Deb comments, smiling.

 

“Thanks, Mom.” She leans forward, pulling her mom into a tight hug until there’s a knock on the door.

 

“Everyone ready?” Ali’s dad asks from the doorway. “We have about thirty minutes before the rain starts. Ashlyn is outside and ready to go.”

 

Everyone makes their way downstairs, a wedding march playing from the bluetooth speakers. Kyle and Liz make their way down the aisle first, taking their places up by the officiant. Ali, escorted by both of her parents, follows closely behind, holding back tears as she sees Ashlyn for the first time. Ashlyn is wearing a simple suit, not too different from her normal dressy attire but it’s the adoring look on her face that really gets to Ali. It makes her feel like they’re the only two people in the world.

 

When Ali makes it to the front, she kisses both of her parents on the cheek before she makes her way to Ashlyn, taking her hands.

 

“Hello, beautiful,” Ashlyn says, looking into Ali’s eyes.

 

With the weather forecast in mind, they move through the ceremony quickly but when it comes time for their vows, neither can hold back.

 

“Ashlyn, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I didn’t expect this when you first contacted me to look at apartments in New York,” Ali begins, eliciting a laugh from their 50 or so guests. “Back then, I thought it would be a routine job and that I’d come away with a decent commission. I never once thought that I would end up meeting the love of my life, with whom I would have such a fulfilling, incredible relationship. You are my best friend, my confidant, and my biggest cheerleader. You are my future and I will love you until my last breath. Through good times and bad, I will be by your side supporting you, loving you, and reminding you of all the things that make you wonderful. I will hold you accountable and push you to be the best person you can be. I will take on all of life’s challenges with you and when the time comes, I will raise a family with you and be the best mom I can be. I love you.”

 

With Ali’s words ringing through her mind, Ashlyn has trouble controlling her emotions as she begins speaking. “It’s no secret that I met you during the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through,” she begins, just as the rain starts falling. Unbothered, she continues, “for a while, I wasn’t sure how I would make it through such a trying time. Then I met you and everything changed for the better. Within days of meeting you, my world felt bigger and brighter than ever before. You supported me through all my ups and downs and when I was ready to move on, you were right there with open arms and more love than I felt I deserved. I am so honored to be up here with you today as we take the next step in our lives. I will support you in all your endeavors, just as you have supported me. I am so lucky to get to be your wife and to share this life with you. I will be there on your best days and your worst days, always supporting you just the same. I will love and respect you and I will never take your love for granted. I love you.”

 

By the time Ashlyn is done speaking, the rain is falling steadily, prompting Deb to step forward for a second, passing the officiant a large black umbrella that he holds over Ali and Ashlyn as they finish the ceremony (not that it really matters--they both got pretty drenched during Ashlyn’s vows).

 

When the officiant pronounces them married and says that they may each kiss their bride, Ashlyn smiles as she steps closer to Ali. She puts one hand on Ali’s waist and the other behind Ali’s head, pulling her close. The kiss is slow and sweet and their closest friends and family all clap and cheer. When they finally pull apart, both women are grinning widely.

 

“Well, hello, wife,” Ali says.

 

“I like the way that sounds,” Ashlyn replies. She grabs Ali’s hand as they make their way back down the aisle, their guests standing and cheering as they pass.

 

Standing alone in their living room, dripping from head to toe, Ali pulls Ashlyn in for a proper kiss, moaning against Ashlyn’s mouth before they finally break apart. “We’re married,” Ali says, wrapping her arms around Ashlyn’s waist and swaying a little. When she steps back, she laughs at their rain soaked clothes and hair. “Oh, God, we’re never going to dry off for pictures.”

 

“We’ll figure something out,” Ashlyn promises, kissing Ali’s forehead. “Let’s go get dry clothes on and we’ll figure out where to go from there.”

 

Ali follows Ashlyn up to their bedroom where Ashlyn slips into a dry suit. Ali, meanwhile, shimmies out of her wedding dress and hangs it up on the back of the bathroom door. As she moves and contemplates how she’ll dry the dress, she spots the hair dryer on the bathroom counter, which she brings out into the bedroom. She turns it on high and aims it towards her dress. She dries it most of the way before turning her attention to her hair, drying it as well. As she works, Ashlyn heads back outside to check on their guests. When Ali finally joins her downstairs for pictures, the rain has let up somewhat and they’re able to do outdoor shots.

 

They dance throughout the evening, celebrating their marriage with those closest to them but by far their favorite part of the night is when it’s finally just the two of them.

 

“What an uneventful day,” Ali jokes once the last of their guests have left for the nearby hotel.

 

“Didn’t do much of anything, did we?”

 

“Nope, nothing at all,” Ali replies, melting into Ashlyn’s embrace. She tilts her head up, kissing Ashlyn’s jaw. She kisses her way to Ashlyn’s mouth, biting at her bottom lip. The kiss deepens quickly, both of them eager for a private celebration of their marriage.

 

“Let’s go to bed,” Ashlyn says, leading the way upstairs to continue their night.

 

Later, when they’re sated and sleepy, Ali curls up next to Ashlyn. “You are everything I’ve ever wanted,” she says, pressing gentle, loving kisses to Ashlyn’s bare shoulder. “I know it’s only been twelve hours but I love being your wife. I love knowing that I get to come home to you everyday and I love knowing that we’re going to have a family together. I love knowing that we’re in this life together--sharing our successes and our mistakes. Thank you for loving me.”

 

“Ali, I don’t even know what to say,” Ashlyn replies. She runs a lazy hand through Ali’s hair. “I am the luckiest woman in the world.”

 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the final regular chapter but I have a few follow up chapters to post so look out for those :) 
> 
> I also have an unrelated 10k+ word one shot that I'm pretty damn excited about sooooo if you're really nice I might try to get that up this weekend ;)


	13. everything changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn start their family

 

By the one year anniversary of the bakery’s grand opening, they turn a profit nearly every day. With its continued growth and success, Ali and Ashlyn become more and more confident with each passing day that the family business will be around for years to come.

 

By the second anniversary of the grand opening, the bakery has become a well known and beloved part of life in their town. Most of their customers are regulars with whom Ashlyn, Ali, and the rest of the staff develop a comfortable relationship. They know most of the regulars’ orders by heart and there are quite a few who show up every morning like clockwork, their orders ready to go in anticipation of their arrival.

 

With such a solid foundation for the bakery, Ali and Ashlyn become antsy to start their family. They finally carve out time to really discuss the matter a few weeks before Christmas, feeling giddy over the prospect of finally starting their family. Ali has not lost her passion to adopt a baby with Down syndrome and over the years (and with a lot of research), it has become important to Ashlyn as well. When they do discuss the best way to start their family, they immediately agree that if they’re going to take something like that on, they should do it before they have any other kids so they can give that child all the extra love and support they might need before adding another child to the mix.

 

Once they make it through the busy holiday season, they get in contact with a local adoption agency to go over their options. Even within the realm of adoption, there are a lot of avenues to explore. Neither woman cares whether they have a private or public adoption, nor do they care about the gender of the child, so they get licensed to foster children while their adoption agent, Maya, keeps an ear out for a baby that fits their desires. After a few months without any progress, Maya finally asks them to come to her office on a sunny Saturday morning in May.

 

“Hello, Ali, Ashlyn,” Maya says. “I think I’ve found the perfect baby for you.”

 

“Oh my God, really?” Ali asks, squeezing Ashlyn’s hand tightly as she tries not to get too excited. They’ve had a few meetings like this before but none of them have panned out for one reason or another. Ali has a good feeling about this time, however, and she feels like her heart will beat out of her chest in excitement.

 

“He’s a gorgeous five month old named Elliot,” Maya starts. “Long story short, his mom doesn’t have a lot of support and doesn’t think she can provide the care he needs. It’s clear she loves him deeply but she was working two jobs to support herself as it was and it’s not really feasible for her to raise a baby with special needs on her salary and demanding work schedule. She wants what’s best for him and I think that might be you two.”

 

“Wow,” Ashlyn says, taking all the information in.

 

“There is one caveat, however, and it’s a pretty big one: Cheyenne wants to pursue an open adoption.”

 

“That's not something we want,” Ashlyn immediately replies, disappointed that they've once again come to a dead end. She lets out a sigh and is about say something about how the right baby will come along eventually. All it takes is one look at Ali to know that she's actually considering what Maya has offered them. A baby that needs the love and support they can provide. But there's a catch and Ashlyn isn't sure if an open adoption is the best idea.

 

“I understand your hesitation,” Maya replies. “But I think you should at least consider it. Elliot is a happy, easy going baby who would be perfect for you two and Cheyenne is a wonderful young woman who wants what is best for him. I'm sure the three of you could come to an agreement that benefits everyone and one that is best for Elliot. Just look at his picture.”

 

Maya opens a folder on her desk and pulls out a photo of the baby boy which she hands to Ali and Ashlyn.

 

Ashlyn can't explain it but she feels an instant connection to the baby boy.

 

Elliot has dark brown hair and striking blue eyes, which are accentuated by his olive skin tone. Ashlyn is positive she's never see anyone quite as striking as the smiling baby.

 

More than that, though, is that she feels an instant connection to him, like he was always meant to be theirs. She already feels the motherly instinct to love and protect him and despite her concerns over an open adoption, she finds herself actually considering it. If it means adding this baby to their family, it's certainly something worth discussing. She tears her gaze away from the photo to meet Ali’s eyes, finding the same wonder on her wife’s face.

 

“Ash,” Ali breathes.

 

“I know.”

 

“Are we going to consider it?” Ali asks.

 

“I think we have to,” Ashlyn replies, relenting just a little. She's still not convinced that an open adoption could work but after seeing a photo of the baby, she's willing to at least discuss the matter.

 

“Take that photo home with you,” Maya says. “No one is expecting you to make a decision today. Talk it through and when you're ready, give me a call.”

 

“If we decide to go through with it, what's the next step?” Ali questions.

 

“Well, since this is a private adoption, I can arrange a meeting between you two and Cheyenne and Elliot. I will be there too to answer any questions you may have. If Cheyenne decides to move forward with the adoption, we will place Elliot in your home as we work to finalize everything. That’s all I have for you today so go home and discuss it and let me know.”

 

Both Ali and Ashlyn are quiet the whole way home. Ali drives and Ashlyn sits in the passenger seat staring at the picture of Elliot the entire time, studying his bright, smiling face. She’s lost in how own thoughts as she tries to imagine what life will be like for them with an open adoption. Granted, they’d never outright eliminated it as an option which is probably why Maya called them about this baby in the first place. When they make it home, they sit together on the couch, and stare at the photo in Ashlyn’s hands.

 

“I want to say no to the open adoption thing but I don’t know if I can say no to him,” Ashlyn says.

 

“I know,” Ali agrees. “But I was thinking on the way home that if it were me in Cheyenne’s position and I had to give up a baby I loved so much, I would still want to be at least a small part of that kid’s life. Whether or not we adopt Elliot or another baby, we will want what’s best for them and I don’t think it would be a bad thing to have an extra person to love them.”

 

Ashlyn nods, considering Ali’s words. “I agree with you there but I worry about decision making. If we’re going to be his parents, I don’t want his birth mom trying to demand that we do things certain ways. I never want to feel like we have to ask someone else for permission when we make a decision regarding his health or where he’s gonna go to school or anything like that. Plus, if for some reason she doesn’t want to be around anymore and we can’t get ahold of her, I wouldn’t want him to be hurt by that. I think it would be hard to deal with if she’s someone we see once a week and then one day we can’t get ahold of her anymore.”

 

“I guess it’ll all come down to just how open she wants the adoption to be,” Ali decides. “I would be comfortable with visits once or twice a year and whatever photos we feel like sending.”

 

“I’d be okay with that, I think,” Ashlyn says. She sets the photo down on the coffee table, taking Ali’s hand. “Like you said, the more people to love him the better, but we do need to proceed with caution because, ultimately, we have to do what’s best for him.”

 

~

 

With their guidelines for the openness of the adoption in mind, Ali and Ashlyn agree to meet Cheyenne, Elliot, and Maya for lunch the next weekend. They’re still concerned about moving forward with an open adoption so they enter the meeting with a sense of cautious excitement. If they can all come to an agreement, they will be more than happy to take Elliot and give him the best life they possibly can but they don't want to get their hopes up in case things don't work out.

 

Elliot is sleeping in his baby carrier when they arrive and Ali melts at the sight of the baby. She brushes his hand gently, feeling his soft, warm skin as she longs to hold him in her arms.

 

They spend the first part of the meeting learning about each other. Ali and Ashlyn learn that Cheyenne was working two jobs and trying to put herself through school when she found out she was pregnant. Even without Elliot’s father in the picture and little support from her own family, she was intent on keeping him. She found out Elliot likely had Down syndrome before he was born and began to consider adoption to give him the best possible life, knowing that it would be a massive uphill battle on her salary. Ultimately, she decided to see how his first few months went before proceeding, just to be sure adoption was in both of their best interest. After Elliot was born, it became increasingly and painfully clear that she couldn’t provide the care he needs.

 

Ali and Ashlyn tell Cheyenne about their lives: the bakery they own, the gorgeous home they live in that’s just begging to be filled with children, and their long harbored dream to adopt a baby like Elliot. They can give him the life he needs and deserves and they will take on the task of raising him with joy and love.

 

When it comes time to discuss the matter of an open adoption, Ashlyn starts bouncing her leg under the table in nerves. The rest of the conversations flowed so easily that she briefly forgot their biggest hurdle. If they can’t agree on terms for an open adoption, nothing else they’ve discussed matters. She’s not quite sure how Ali seems so calm but when Ali puts a hand on her leg, she feels some of that calmness wash over her as well.

 

“I just want to know that he’s doing well,” Cheyenne begins. “I never wanted to give him up for adoption but I know it’s the best thing for him. I want to know him and for him to understand that I didn’t abandon him.” As she speaks, Elliot starts fussing a little in his car seat so she takes him out, bouncing him a little. “Would you like to hold him?” she asks, standing to offer him to Ashlyn who takes the baby into her arms.

 

Ashlyn bounces Elliot, feeling very much like he’s meant to be with her and Ali. Like he’s already a part of their family.

 

“We would never let him think that you’ve abandoned him,” Ali replies, smiling at the sight of her wife holding Elliot. “We would do everything in our power to make him understand just how loved he is. Ash and I talked about this for a long time and we would be comfortable with letters and phone calls a few times a year.” She starts with the lowest possible offer, knowing that Cheyenne is likely to counter.

 

“What about visits?” Cheyenne asks.

 

“We were thinking once or twice a year. Obviously, once he gets older and can tell us what he wants, we’ll be open to him dictating things a little more. If he gets older and wants to talk to or see you more often, then we’ll work something out, same with if he doesn’t want as much contact. I think we can all agree that we need to do what’s best for him but until he can vocalize that, we think it’s best to take it slow.”

 

“I would be okay with that,” Cheyenne agrees.

 

With a tentative agreement in place, they spend the rest of the meeting passing Elliot back and forth as they make small talk and learn about the next steps from Maya. Although it’s a private adoption, Ali and Ashlyn are still required to undergo a home study before Elliot can be placed with them, which they schedule for a month out. Once Elliot is placed with them, Cheyenne will begin the process to terminate her parental rights, after which Ali and Ashlyn can formally adopt Elliot.

 

When it comes time to say goodbye, both Ali and Ashlyn are reluctant to leave. They take tons of pictures of and with Elliot which are sure to end up printed and in frames by the end of the day.

 

“Oh my God, we have so much to do,” Ali exclaims when they get into their car. “Most people have nine months to prepare for a baby; we only have a month, Ash, I have no idea how we’re gonna do it.”

 

“We’ll figure it out,” Ashlyn promises, leaning over the console to kiss Ali. “We’re gonna be moms,” she whispers.

 

“It’s crazy,” Ali replies, grinning.

 

Since they have so little time to get everything ready, they decide to invite their families over for dinner that night to tell them the news and to enlist their help. Not everyone can make it on such short notice but both Tammye and Deb agree to come over and spend the night in the guest rooms. Deb arrives first and begs Ali and Ashlyn to tell her what’s going on but they won’t bend, wanting to tell both of them at the same time.

 

When Tammye arrives just after Ali puts dinner in the oven, both Ali and Ashlyn are bouncing in excitement.

 

“So what’s so important?” Tammye asks as they all get settled onto the couch.

 

“Well,” Ali begins, unable to control her smile. “How would you two feel about becoming grandmas?”

 

“You’re pregnant?” Deb questions excitedly.

 

Ali shakes her head. “We’re adopting. We’ve been working with an agency for the last few months and finally got a call last week. His name is Elliot and he’s perfect for us. I can’t really explain it but we both knew as soon as we saw his picture. His birth mom wants an open adoption so we met with them today to discuss everything and we’re gonna move forward.”

 

“That’s wonderful, congratulations,” Tammye beams.

 

“There is one important thing, though,” Ashlyn says, taking the lead on this particular announcement. “Elliot has Down syndrome. We went into this wanting to adopt a child like that so it’s not news to us but we wanted to give you a heads up.”

 

Both Deb and Tammye are slightly confused by this information, never having heard of their desire to adopt a special needs baby. Ali and Ashlyn explain that it’s something they’ve spoken about for a while but they didn’t know if it would ever come to fruition so they’d kept that particular dream to themselves.

 

Unsurprisingly, neither of the two older women know much about Down syndrome so they have some reservations about Ali and Ashlyn’s plan. All it takes for them to be fully on board, however, is to hear the two younger women speak passionately about why they’ve decided to take this route. Combined with a few youtube videos on just how much people with Down syndrome can do, Deb and Tammye are almost as excited about the prospective moms by the time they’re done with dinner.

 

They call the rest of their families after dinner to tell everyone the good news and are met with love and support. While they would move forward with or without support from their families, it still feels like a massive weight off of their shoulders to know that everyone they love is behind them as they take on this unique challenge.

 

With a limited time to get everything done, the four women get an early start in the morning as they head to the nearest Babies R Us. After a little back and forth, they decide to go with a light and bright nursery, settling on all white furniture and cheerful green and yellow bedding and accessories.

 

“I can’t believe how much stuff we need,” Ashlyn says as she marks things off of the essentials list they’d printed from the store’s website.

 

“Tell me about it,” Ali replies. They’ve already filled one cart with some bulky items so Deb has gone back to the front of the store to get another cart.

 

They don’t have much time to get the nursery ready so they pick up (or place orders) for everything they need in a marathon of a shopping trip. They’re able to take some of the bigger items home in their cars (they’d thought ahead and driven two to the store to maximize space) and scheduled deliveries for everything else.

 

Later, when Deb and Tammye have both gone home, Ali and Ashlyn sit on the floor in what will be Elliot’s room, looking around at all their purchases.

 

“We’re really doing this,” Ali muses quietly. “I’m so excited but I’m still afraid that something will go wrong and we won’t get him.”

 

“I know. I keep reminding myself of that but how can we not get excited? We just have to be prepared for whatever happens. No matter what, we have each other and we’ll have a family somehow.”

 

~

 

Naturally, Ali and Ashlyn pass the home study with flying colors. Somehow, they’d managed to get the nursery finished on time despite the fact that they only had three days to set up the furniture once it was delivered.

 

When it comes time for Maya to drop Elliot off at their home, Ali is so antsy that she cleans almost every surface of the house (which was already spotless to begin with because both she and Ashlyn have been nervous cleaning for days). Since neither she nor Ashlyn carried Elliot, she still has a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that they’re about to become moms. Within hours, their family will go from two people to three people and a whole new world will open up. Suddenly, their lives will revolve around the baby they have already come to love so much.

 

When Maya pulls up to the house, Ali and Ashlyn each take a deep breath before they all but sprint outside. As an afterthought, both pause briefly by the front door to slip on shoes.

 

“There he is,” Ashlyn coos, taking Elliot’s infant carrier out of the backseat. “There’s our big boy.”

 

As excited as she is to see Elliot, to focus all of her attention on him, Ali stops to chat with Maya without whom none of this would have been possible. “I cannot thank you enough for making this happen,” she says.

 

Maya smiles. “I’m so happy he’s ending up with such wonderful parents. I’ll keep you updated on the court proceedings and I’ll call in a few days to arrange a post-placement home study, okay? Don’t hesitate to call if you have any questions or concerns.”

 

“Of course,” Ali replies, grinning. “Thanks again.”

 

They watch as Maya pulls out of the driveway before Ashlyn turns to Ali. “Let’s go inside, Mommy.”

 

It hits Ali in that moment and she suddenly cannot control her emotions. She follows Ashlyn inside, wiping at her tears.

 

Ashlyn pauses in the doorway to take Elliot out of his carrier. As she stands back up, Elliot in her arms, she notices Ali’s tears. “You okay?”

 

“Never been better,” Ali replies. “Can you believe this is real?”

 

Ashlyn shakes her head. She looks at Elliot, who seems to be taking in his new surroundings. They’ve only met with him twice since that first meeting so he’s not quite as familiar with them as they’d like but, luckily, he’s a pretty trusting baby and doesn’t seem to be afraid of them.

 

“Hey, buddy,” Ali says, reaching to take Elliot from Ashlyn’s arms. “You want to see your new house? We got everything ready for you.”

 

They walk through the entire house, giving Elliot a thorough tour before ending up in the living room again. They settle onto the floor, placing Elliot on his playmat with a few toys. They watch him contentedly, their new reality slowly sinking in.

 

When Elliot starts fussing, Ali takes him into her arms, peppering his cheeks with kisses.

 

Ashlyn watches the two, already so in love with seeing Ali as a mother. It’s clear Ali is a natural and it fills Ashlyn with warmth and wonder. She has always wanted to be a mother but finally seeing Ali one is her favorite thing.

 

Since Elliot is six months old, it's clear that he takes in more of his surroundings than a newborn would. After a few minutes of being snuggled by Ali, he starts to reach for Ashlyn, making her heart swell with love and pride.

 

“You want to see Mama?” Ali asks, passing the baby to Ashlyn.

 

“Mama loves you,” Ashlyn says as she bounces Elliot. “You’re going to love it here with us, I promise. We’re going to give you the best life. You are so loved.”

 

~

 

They quickly learn to adjust to life as moms. Within a week, Elliot already seems so much more comfortable with them and his new home. No longer does her start fussing and start looking around the room as if he’s looking for Cheyenne to take care of his needs. Now when he fusses, he looks to Ali and Ashlyn, often smiling at the sight of them.

 

They do, however, face challenges with him. Despite his Down syndrome, he’s right on par socially with other babies his age but his motor skills are slightly delayed. Cheyenne never had the ability to take him to an occupational therapist so his first ever appointment is just a few days after he’s placed with Ali and Ashlyn.

 

The occupational therapist, Miriam, talks Ali and Ashlyn through her assessment as they study Elliot’s motor skills. Miriam explains that by six months, most babies have mastered rolling over and have moved on to learning to scoot and crawl. Elliot still can’t quite roll over by himself so that’s one of the first things they focus on.

 

While Ashlyn is somewhat dejected that their baby is already behind other children, Ali doesn’t miss a beat as she learns methods to help Elliot improve on his motor skills. When they leave the appointment, Ali seems almost giddy.

 

“How are you so relaxed about this?” Ashlyn asks as they get into the car.

 

“Because he’s with us now and we’re going to do whatever it takes for him to reach his full potential. He didn’t have that before.”

 

“I know that but isn’t it hard for you to see him struggle? To know that he’s only six months old and already behind other kids?”

 

“Of course it is,” Ali says, taking Ashlyn’s hand in her lap as she turns to face her. “But we don’t need to compare him to other kids. He’s going to be the best he can be and we can help him get there. Just think about how much he’ll improve now that he has access to this kind of care. Just think of how proud we’re going to be when he does hit those milestones.”

 

Ashlyn meets Ali’s eyes, always in awe of how wonderful her wife is. “You are the best mom. He’s so lucky to have you.”

 

“He’s lucky to have you too, don’t forget that,” Ali says. She leans over the center console, kissing Ashlyn. “Now let’s get home. It’s time for a family nap.”

 

~

 

With just three weeks before Cheyenne officially terminates her parental rights in court, Maya pays a house visit to tell Ali and Ashlyn that Cheyenne is having doubts about the whole thing.

 

“What do you mean?” Ali manages to get out, despite feeling like she’ll crumble at any second. If Cheyenne really wants Elliot back, there’s nothing she and Ashlyn can do to stop her. Elliot is not being forcibly removed from her care by the state so the decision to move forward with the adoption is ultimately up to Cheyenne.

 

“She’s second guessing her decision to give him up,” Maya explains. “I spoke to her about it a little and told her to think on it for a few days. She understood that it’s not fair to move him back in with her while she’s still uncertain and might end up sending him back to you anyway. I’m going to be honest here and say that I very much hope she’ll realize she made the right decision to begin with. Elliot is thriving with you two and it’s clear that this is the best place for him. I have had birth parents second guess themselves before but, ultimately, most of them realize they’re doing the right thing.”

 

“What do we do now?” Ashlyn asks. She’s holding Ali’s hand tightly, both drawing and giving strength. She hates that this is (potentially) happening to them but she feels endlessly grateful knowing that both she and Ali will do everything in their power to keep Elliot with them. He’s been in their care for six weeks now and there's no way they'd let him go without a fight.

 

“You don't need to do anything,” Maya replies. “I know it's difficult, but continue the way you have been. I will be in contact with Cheyenne and talk her through this as best as possible.”

 

As soon as Maya leaves, Ashlyn breaks down in tears as Ali sits next to her on the couch, completely stunned.

 

“We can't lose him,” Ashlyn says. “I know he's only been here for six weeks but he's ours, Ali. That's our son.”

 

“I know,” Ali agrees. “That's our baby and if we need to, we’ll fight for him. I don’t know how we would deal if he’s taken away from us.”

 

“It’s completely out of our hands so we’ll just have to hope that doesn’t happen.”

 

~

 

The first few days after Maya’s visit are some of the most difficult of their lives so far. The longer they go without good news, the more they’re able to convince themselves that Cheyenne really is changing her mind, that she’ll want to take Elliot back.

 

Neither woman gets much sleep in the nights that follow, too consumed with worry for their minds to turn off. Ali has a hard time understanding why they have to go through something like this. They’d done everything right and have already seen Elliot make improvements in his motor skills. He has also become so much more comfortable with them and they have finally started to feel like he sees them as his mothers rather than six week long babysitters. He has come to understand that they are constants in his life, that they love him and take care of his needs and with each passing day, they can feel the love he has for them grow while their love for him is already endless.

 

Now, it’s all in jeopardy.

 

Their family is in jeopardy and there’s nothing they can do.

 

“I’m terrified,” Ali admits a few days after Maya’s visit. She looks down at her hand, mindlessly toying with her wedding rings while Ashlyn feeds Elliot a bottle. What should be a peaceful moment as a family is now shrouded in uncertainty. They don’t know when or if Cheyenne will take Elliot back into her care, when the baby they love so much will be taken away from them.

 

“I am too.”

 

A week after Maya’s visit and just two weeks before Cheyenne is set to terminate her parental rights, Maya calls Ali’s phone, immediately requesting that she put it on speakerphone for Ashlyn to hear.

 

“Please tell us you have good news,” Ashlyn asks, holding Ali’s hand as she braces herself for the worst.

 

“I hope you’re enjoying the late night feedings and diaper changes,” Maya begins. “Because Elliot is staying with you.”

 

“Really?” Ali asks, her voice breaking as she starts crying. She’s spent all week trying to tell herself it was all going to be okay, though she never quite believed it. Every time she looked at Elliot, she couldn’t help but think about how he could be taken away from them at any moment.

 

“Really,” Maya replies. “She called me this morning and said that she knows she’s making the right decision even though it’s still hard for her. She missed him and began to second guess what’s best for him but once she thought about it for a few days, she knew she did the right thing to begin with. So we’re still on track for her to terminate her rights in two weeks and for you two to proceed with the adoption after that. Do you have any questions?”

 

“No, I think we’re good,” Ashlyn says. “Thank you so much.”

 

“Hey, it’s my job to advocate for what’s best for Elliot. Like I said, I think the best place for him is with you. Anyway, that’s all I have for you today so call me if you need anything.”

 

“I have never been more relieved in my entire life,” Ali says, grinning as soon as they hang up. For the first time in a week, she feels like she can breathe.

 

“I really thought she was calling to tell us to pack his stuff.”

 

“So did I,” Ali replies. She gets off of the living room couch, heading to Elliot’s bedroom upstairs with Ashlyn following close behind. “He’s ours,” she says as they watch him sleep in his crib.

 

“He is,” Ashlyn agrees, wrapping an arm around Ali’s waist.

 

They watch him sleep for nearly thirty minutes when he starts slowly waking up from his nap. He’s usually pretty slow to wake up but when he realizes that both of his moms are already in his room, he seems to wake up faster than normal, already boasting a big smile when Ali picks him up.

 

“Good news, baby, you get to stay with us,” Ali coos as she bounces the eight month old. “Mama and I are so excited, buddy. We love you more than anything.”

 

~

 

After Cheyenne’s brief period of indecision, they don’t face any other roadblocks during the adoption process. Cheyenne relinquishes her rights and after the short waiting period and another home study, Ali and Ashlyn are able to adopt him.

 

In a way, the adoption hearing feels almost like a birth.

 

Ali and Ashlyn didn’t get to be in the room when their son was born. They didn’t get to excitedly study ultrasound photos, tracking his size at every stage. They didn’t get to choose his name or experience those first sleepless nights with a newborn.

 

None of that matters.

 

How he came to be theirs doesn’t matter. What matters is that they are a family and they have more than enough love to go around.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about my most recent oneshot that I briefly forgot I already had this prepared. whoops. It's world Down syndrome day so this felt appropriate to share today :)


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